TU121: Redefining the Purpose of Relationships During Quarantine with Stan Tatkin

Welcome 2024! We are kicking off the new year with a special conversation between co-host Sue Marriott and special guest Jeff Lutes. Both members of the LGBTQ+ community, this discussion dives into raising families, the evolution of the community, allyship, gender, and the importance of advocacy. While there has been some progress, the LGBTQ+ community still actively faces discrimination. Whether you’re a practicing therapist with clients in the community or have LGBTQ-identifying loved ones, this episode is for you. Through a personal and professional lens, this conversation offers new perspectives and shines a light on the significance of staying educated and being an active voice.  “There are a lot of therapists that see themselves as affirming, but I think you have to get actively involved in order to be an ally.” – Jeff Lutes Time Stamps for Advocating for the LGBTQ+ Community  2:00 – Jeff’s anecdotes about religion and sexuality 11:18 – How advocacy can be a thankless job  12:00 – Introduction to the Contemporary Relationships Conference  14:34 – The difference between being trained in accepting versus educated  16:48 – The importance of knowing the correct terminology  20:39 – What we can learn from the polyamorous community  22:58 – Definition of queer and who that represents 24:37 – Let’s talk about pronouns  31:21 – Explanation of dead naming and why it is wrong 42:15 – Conversion therapy research and findings  47:00: Trailblazers in Love, Jeff’s book  Resources for today’s episode Advocating for the LGBTQ+ Community  Jeff Lute’s Website – Information, credentials, presentations and publications Contemporary Relationships Conference – Conference information and proposals Get your copy of his book, Trailblazers in Love, here!! About our Guest – Jeff Lutes, LPC Jeff specializes in creating collaborative conversations with clients that generate new possibilities for change.  Using a postmodern approach, he listens carefully to each client’s story and strives to understand how they might make meaning of themselves, others, and the world around them. He founded the Contemporary Relationships Conference and has presented to audiences around the country, including the American Association of Marriage & Family Therapy,  the American Family Therapy Academy, the American Counseling Association, and the Texas Psychological Association. He is also the author of Trailblazers In Love, as well as chapters in three counseling textbooks. Lutes also wrote a children’s book about adoption, deaf culture, and non-traditional families and has been a contributing writer at Bilerico and Therapy Matters. We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups and who knows what else may come!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  And of course, our book is also a great resource – it’s for professionals and life-long learners of all kinds. If you’ve read it we’d love to hear from you and if you support it, PLEASE leave a review on either Amazon or Goodreads. Tk you!! Get your copy of Secure Relating here!! Click here to see our past and upcoming events!!  Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Mental Health Liberation is our primary partner at this time – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists.

2 Tammi 20241h 22min

Goodbye 2023, Hello 2024 – Reflecting on impactful guests & topics of the year We explored many ideas this year and despite the variety of topics we found a consistent theme – nurturing secure relating in an insecure world. With wide-ranging interviews and, we were met with rich conversations and endless opportunities to grow. As we close out 2023 with gratitude, Ann and Sue look back at important episodes from this year, review lessons learned, and share exciting announcements to come in 2024. It’s coming….. Pre-order your book today! “When we are in a secure state of mind, we evoke that in others.” – Sue Marriott Time Stamps for TU 2023 Year in Review 4:21 – Reviewing the series, Secure Relating in an Insecure World 7:45 – Ann and Sue’s favorite topics from the series 17:45 – Takeaways from our two-part Dream series 22:47 – Explanation of failed mourning from episode 210 with Dr. Carol George 29:46 – How Ann and Sue practiced self-care this year 31:28 – Looking deeper into systems of poverty with Dr. Sharon Lambert 36:33 – Exploring our internal audiences 43:01 – Important lessons from the episode 207 with Dacher Keltner 45:40 – Austin IN Connection Live Event Announcement for 2024:  It will be a Secure Relating LIVE weekend!  Stay tuned – but we welcome those traveling and will make sure there are plenty of opportunities to connect! Resources for TU 2023 Year in Review This Jungian Life – A podcast from our guests on episode 201 that dives into Jungian dream analysis Other Relevant Therapist Uncensored Episodes https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/healing-intergenerational-ancestral-trauma-with-linda-thai/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/navigating-racial-trauma-part-1-203/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/intergenerational-conversation-climate-202/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/interpreting-dreams-with-a-jungian-lens-unlocking-a-world-within-ourselves-201/ https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/awe-for-collective-healing-series-sriw-ep-6/ https://mentalhealthliberation.org/bipoc-therapy-fund/ Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  View the TU 2023 Year in Review – Building Internalized Secure Voices (221) – Transcripts Support the show by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode!  For listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/TU Go to Zocdoc.com/TU and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today. Go to Cozyearth.com/TU Pre-orders are officially available!  It will be delivered April 30, 2024 (a million years from now), but it’s coming!

19 Joulu 202347min

Hair-pulling, skin picking, and cheek, lip, & cuticle biting are self-soothing strategies that depending on the degree can become body-focused repetitive behavioral disorders. Learn about a new attachment-informed psychodynamic model for treating these painful, shame-associated behaviors. This is a replay episode of our discussion with psychotherapist and body-focused repetitive behavioral expert, Stacy Nakell. Link to the original show notes, here!! Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Some of our sponsors – support them to support us! Get 15% off with the code TU at oneskin.co Get 55% off at Babbel.com/TU Go to Cozyearth.com/TU Thanks for stopping by, we hope the podcast (and these show notes) offer quality education and insight into interpersonal relationships.  An entirely free way to support us is to simply rate and review the podcast on your favorite podcast player, and/or to simply share this episode with someone you think could use the free resources on the show!

5 Joulu 20231h

It’s time to start celebrating vulnerability While just the word vulnerability can trigger our defenses, it can also be a great gateway to secure relating and deepening the connection with our authentic selves. In a society heavily influenced by social media, unhealthy gender roles, and many other factors – Ann and Sue dive into the importance of changing the narrative and stepping out of our defensive invulnerable state and into our healthy, vulnerable selves.  “We’re swimming towards feeling vulnerability and recognizing it as not toxic – that is something desirable and something to be proud of” – Sue Marriott  Time Stamps for Ditching Invulnerability 1:09 – Introduction to toxic invulnerability  4:54 – Different ways we can stay in a place of invulnerability  5:58 – Does being defensive mean I’m being invulnerable? 8:36 – How invulnerability is toxic on an individual level 9:30 – The relationship between perfectionism and invulnerability 14:05 – Social media’s influence on keeping us afraid of vulnerability 16:12 – Sue’s Beyonce anecdote  19:51 – Practicing active vulnerability  27:28 – Anxiety and invulnerability  28:01 – Signs of invulnerability we may not recognize  34:23 – Why we should call it harmful invulnerability versus toxic invulnerability 37:05 – Embracing our most authentic selves through vulnerability Resources for Ditching Invulnerability Brene Brown’s Website – A resource where you can find her content on shame and vulnerability “It’s Not All in Your Head – You Do Focus Differently on Zoom” – Scientific American article on Zoom and human connection Other Relevant Therapist Uncensored Episodes https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/you-are-kenough-liz-plank-211/ Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Pre-order your book, here!! Pre-orders are officially available!!!  Get your book here!! View this episode’s transcripts, here!! Support the show by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode!  Get 15% off with the code TU at oneskin.co For listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/TU Go to Zocdoc.com/TU and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today.

21 Marras 202349min

We’re back! With exciting updates from the TU team & sneak peeks about our book Relating from a place of inner security is not about an attachment category, and it can’t stop with us as individuals. Ann and Sue share exciting news and community updates for TU. With secure relating at the forefront, this episode includes a sneak peek into the structure of their new book, Secure Relating Holding Your Own in an Insecure World. They explain the three R healing spiral, cultivating community, and much more! Now is a great time to join our online Neuronerd community www.therapistuncensored.com/join! Find shownotes at www.therapistuncensored.com/tu218. “You can relate securely no matter your history, no matter your age, no matter your bad habits or good habits – this is something that’s accessible to all of us.” – Sue Marriott Sue & Ann – relaxing and recharging Time Stamps for Cultivating Secure Relating  1:00 – TU podcast and book updates 12:43 – Secure relating – how and why it is important and the driving force of the podcast 15:31 0 Book “Spoilers” – How to securely relate and stay centered with the chaos of the world  19:08 – Breaking down the three R healing spiral, starting with recognition  26:56 – Introducing the second R – reflection 30:54 – The third and final R – rewiring  36:40 – How can I be secure when other people aren’t? 38:36 – Understanding how true safety is a privilege  40:21 – Cultivating the rewiring process as a community  Pre-order your book, here!! Pre-orders are officially available!!!  Get your book here!! Click here to view today’s episode transcripts on Cultivating Secure Relating!! Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Support the show by supporting our partners and the sponsors of today’s episode!  AG1 is Ann and Sue’s go-to once-a-day drink that delivers all the basics of important vitamins, minerals, and probiotics. Go to www.athleticgreens.com/therapistuncensored or CLICK HERE. Get 15% off with the code TU at oneskin.co Go to Cozyearth.com/TU

7 Marras 202348min

Learn what the amygdala does and doesn’t do, how it’s related to memory and consciousness from the best, Dr. Joseph LeDoux This is a replay episode of our discussion with amygdala expert, Dr. Joseph LeDoux. View the official show notes for this episode here We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation Mental Health Liberation is our charity of choice – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists.

24 Loka 202348min

For when talk therapy isn’t enough – how Attachment-Focused EMDR works and when to use it This week’s replay episode dives into the evolution and science behind Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) with Dr. Laurel Parnell, and the ways it can be used to help navigate trauma outside of traditional talk therapy. Click here to view this episode’s original show notes  We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation Mental Health Liberation is our charity of choice – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists.

10 Loka 20231h 7min

The intersection of poverty and mental health – intergenerational patterns that impact one another. Historical and physical context impacts your biological stress response as much as early relationships.   This replay episode covers poverty, mental health, attachment, stress & research on mental health podcasts with co-host Sue Marriott and Dr. Sharon Lambert. A year ago we connected with Dr. Sharon Lambert to take a deep dive into understanding our society and systems, and the ways that they can perpetuate harm to those who are struggling. Attachment ‘insecurity” is partly a manifestation of unresolved stress patterns in the child and, by extension, the family. Therapists usually think of stress as interpersonal and dyadic, but you can’t isolate individuals from context. We talk about context a lot when it comes to attachment – the circumstances or setting that helps to understand a process more deeply. Sue Marriott and Sharon Lambert discuss the unconscious bootstraps communities have that cause blame towards those who are struggling. “You can’t pull yourself up by your bootstraps if you have no boots.” – Dr. Sharon Lambert View the original show notes for poverty and mental health here!! We support mental health access to those traditionally left out of mainstream healthcare and use a portion of the income we receive from corporate sponsors to do just that!  We can only do that with the help of our Patrons – joining as a TU Neuronerd Podsquad premium subscriber, you support this mission and get a dedicated ad-free feed plus occasional very cool and unique study opportunities, reading groups, and unique surprises!  We invite you to join our community. Click here to join!  Please consider giving to Mental Health Liberation Mental Health Liberation is our charity of choice – please consider giving whatever you can to support mental health access for those traditionally left behind and support training for BIPOC therapists.

26 Syys 20231h 8min