On Attachment25 Maalis 2025

#181: The Demonisation of Avoidant Attachment (& Why It Has to Stop)

In today’s episode, I’m diving into a topic that’s both close to my heart and foundational to how I approach this work: the widespread demonisation of avoidant attachment — and why we need to stop doing it.

It’s all too common, especially in online spaces, for people (often those with anxious attachment) to project blame, anger, and sweeping judgments onto those with avoidant attachment styles. But while that instinct may feel validating in the short term, it actually keeps us stuck.

This episode is a call for compassion and nuance — not just for others, but for ourselves.

Whether you’ve been hurt by someone with avoidant tendencies in the past or are currently struggling with anxious-avoidant dynamics, this conversation will invite you to take a broader, more honest look at the patterns playing out in your relationships and what healing really requires.

In this episode, I cover:

Why avoidant attachment is so often misunderstood and unfairly vilified
How our instinct to blame keeps us stuck in insecure patterns
The deeper origins of avoidant attachment — and how understanding this helps build compassion
Why anger, blame, and black-and-white thinking won’t help you heal
The role of boundaries, discernment, and self-responsibility in moving forward

If you're committed to growing into a more secure, grounded version of yourself, this episode is an invitation to pause and reflect on the narratives you’re holding — about others, and about yourself.

Highlighted Links

Additional Resources

Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
Join my email list 💌
Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
Visit my website

Tämä jakso on lisätty Podme-palveluun avoimen RSS-syötteen kautta eikä se ole Podmen omaa tuotantoa. Siksi jakso saattaa sisältää mainontaa.

Jaksot(256)

#56: 5 Ways to Support a Fearful Avoidant Partner

In today's episode, I'm sharing 5 ways to support a partner with a fearful avoidant (AKA disorganised) attachment style. The fearful avoidant attachment style is often considered the most complex and ...

14 Maalis 202323min

#55: "I can't help but hope that my ex comes back. How do I let go so I can move on?"

In this Q&A episode, we're talking all about moving on after a break-up. Specifically, what to do when we want to move on, but deep down we're still very much hoping our ex will reach out and want to ...

9 Maalis 202311min

#54: From Honeymoon Period to Power Struggle: Navigating the Stages of Relationship

In this episode, we're talking all about the stages of a relationship - specifically, what happens when we transition from the honeymoon period of a relationship (fuelled by chemistry, romance and inf...

8 Maalis 202321min

#53: "I'm anxious, he's avoidant. Is it weird that I want more sex than him?"

In this episode, I'm answering the question of "I'm anxious, he's avoidant. Is it weird that I want more sex than him?" We cover:anxious-avoidant sexual dynamicsthe sexual honeymoon period and what ha...

2 Maalis 202315min

#52: 6 Tips for Avoidant People in Becoming More Secure

In today's episode, I'm offering 6 tips on how avoidant people can become more secure in their relationships. We cover: the importance of getting to know your inner worldlearning to feel safe with hea...

28 Helmi 202323min

#51: How to Initiate Hard Conversations with an Avoidant Partner

In today's Q&A episode, I'm sharing tips for initiating hard conversations with an avoidant partner. This is a question I get a lot - how to express needs to an avoidant partner, how to set boundaries...

23 Helmi 202318min

#50: Navigating Perfectionism in Anxious-Avoidant Relationships

In this episode, I'm talking all about perfectionism - but probably not in the way you've heard it spoken about before. Perfectionism is often thought of as a personality quirk - a commitment to high ...

22 Helmi 202320min

#49: "My ex moved on immediately post break-up and I can't help but take it personally."

In today's Q&A episode, I'm answering the question of "My ex moved on immediately post break-up and I can't help but take it personally." This is a really common pain point for people post-break-up, s...

16 Helmi 202313min