On Attachment25 Maalis 2025

#181: The Demonisation of Avoidant Attachment (& Why It Has to Stop)

In today’s episode, I’m diving into a topic that’s both close to my heart and foundational to how I approach this work: the widespread demonisation of avoidant attachment — and why we need to stop doing it.

It’s all too common, especially in online spaces, for people (often those with anxious attachment) to project blame, anger, and sweeping judgments onto those with avoidant attachment styles. But while that instinct may feel validating in the short term, it actually keeps us stuck.

This episode is a call for compassion and nuance — not just for others, but for ourselves.

Whether you’ve been hurt by someone with avoidant tendencies in the past or are currently struggling with anxious-avoidant dynamics, this conversation will invite you to take a broader, more honest look at the patterns playing out in your relationships and what healing really requires.

In this episode, I cover:

Why avoidant attachment is so often misunderstood and unfairly vilified
How our instinct to blame keeps us stuck in insecure patterns
The deeper origins of avoidant attachment — and how understanding this helps build compassion
Why anger, blame, and black-and-white thinking won’t help you heal
The role of boundaries, discernment, and self-responsibility in moving forward

If you're committed to growing into a more secure, grounded version of yourself, this episode is an invitation to pause and reflect on the narratives you’re holding — about others, and about yourself.

Highlighted Links

Additional Resources

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#40: 5 Pieces of Unhelpful Relationship Advice (& What to do Instead)

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#39: 5 Pieces of Life Advice for 2023

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#38: The 3 Stages of Healing Anxious Attachment

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#37: Anxious Attachment & Inconsistency

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#36: Q&A: Healing Anxious Attachment, How to Manage Texting Anxiety, Identifying & Expressing Needs, & Dealing w/ Boundaries from Avoidant Partners

This week is a Q&A-style episode, where I'm answering your questions all about anxious attachment! We'll cover what it actually means to "heal" anxious attachment, how to manage anxiety around texting...

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#35: 5 Tips for Dealing with Regret & Self-Blame

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22 Marras 202215min

#34: "What If I Outgrow My Partner?"

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#33: What Causes an Insecure Attachment Style?

In this episode, we're unpacking some of the common origin stories of each insecure attachment style. We'll look at what causes anxious attachment, dismissive-avoidant attachment and disorganised/fear...

8 Marras 202220min