#143 - The Law of Rejection in Friendships with Harlan Cohen

In this powerful episode of Dear Nina, I am joined by bestselling author Harlan Cohen to explore the truth about rejection, risk, and the myths we carry into adulthood about what friendship “should” look like. We dive into the Law of Rejection—a concept that can radically shift how you approach your relationships. Whether you're 18 or 88, accepting that we cannot control how others respond to our desire for friendship will serve you well. Friendship requires some risks, and knowing that rejection comes with the territory will allow you to take those risks.

Whether you're always the planner, the first to text, or the one who feels left out of the group chat, this conversation will reframe your perspective and give you permission to stop taking every unmet friendship expectation so personally. Plus, you will love Harlan if you've never heard him before. He's the best, and he provided me a needed wake-up call around my own fears of rejection.

TOPICS WE COVERED:

• Flipping our fears of being left out or let down in friendships into something more empowering
• How to stop testing your friends and start communicating
• Harlan's “people, places, patience” formula for building connection
• Why putting yourself in “low-barrier” places is a lifelong strategy for connection
• The pressure we put on friends and ourselves to meet unspoken expectations
• What to do if you're always the one initiating plans
• Harlan's full-circle roommate story that will make you smile and remind you that we never know what the other person in our "friendship narrative" is really thinking

LINKS & RESOURCES:

• Harlan’s College Success Coaching Program Best First Year
• Harlan's episode with his freshman year roommate
• You will love Harlan on Instagram and TikTok and YouTube!

MEET HARLAN COHEN: Harlan is the New York Times bestselling author of The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into In College and six other titles (over 1 million copies in print). His social media accounts have over 1.5 million followers and he hosts a popular podcast. He is the founder of Best First Year, a college success coaching program for students and parents. Harlan lives in Chicago, Illinois with his wife and three children.

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Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!