197: You’re Not Codependent — You’re Craving Connection (Here’s the Difference)

197: You’re Not Codependent — You’re Craving Connection (Here’s the Difference)

Is it really codependency… or are you just craving safety after betrayal?

In this episode, Sam Tielemans, licensed marriage therapist and host of the Couples Healing From Pornography Addiction Podcast, unpacks one of the most misunderstood topics in relationships impacted by pornography: codependency.

If you've ever felt “too needy” for reassurance, or struggled to reconnect after your spouse’s porn use, this conversation will help you understand what's really happening beneath the surface — and how to break the cycle.

You'll learn:

  • Why porn addiction creates deep attachment wounds in marriage

  • The difference between codependent behavior and healthy reassurance-seeking

  • How emotional insecurity shows up after betrayal (and what to do instead)

  • A step-by-step example of how couples shift from defensiveness to vulnerability

  • How to ask for reassurance in a way that builds emotional safety and trust

  • The real reason “talking about it” often leads to shutdowns and fights — and how to change that

Whether you're a husband trying to rebuild trust or a wife wondering if you're too much, this episode offers powerful insights and practical steps to heal the damage, stop the reactivity, and reconnect from a place of honesty and strength.

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome pornography use?

Click here to book a free clarity call with Samhttps://stopporn.info/

Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes?

Email me here:

sam@healingcouples.org

Get access to my trust building workshop:

Rebuild Trust Workshop – http://trust.stopporn.info

Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners?

Go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.

Tune in to get clarity, encouragement, and actionable steps to support your relationship!

Jaksot(218)

Sex: Processing Triggers, Rejection, Creating Safety and Feeling Desire

Sex: Processing Triggers, Rejection, Creating Safety and Feeling Desire

Sexual intimacy is one of the most damaged aspects of a marriage after there's been betrayal from porn addiction. Yet most couples, don't know how to restore intimacy in a healthy way, navigate the triggers, rejection, and increase trust and desire. Listen in on an actual coaching session where I help a couple process through triggers and rejection to ultimately feel closer than they ever have together in this area. Take the tools you hear me share with them and apply them to your own situation to see growth and results in this area of your marriage as well. Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship. Want to get in touch? I'd love to hear from you! If you want help healing addiction, trauma, and the relationship, you can get in touch with me at support@healingcouples.org Feel free to submit questions or topics you'd like covered in future podcast episodes!

25 Helmi 202137min

Relationship Healing For Difficult Marriages

Relationship Healing For Difficult Marriages

Can you heal your marriage if he's still falling back into the addiction? What if there is abuse? And is it really safe to be doing work on the relationship early on? (Hint: it's not what you think..) I talk about each of these scenarios and help you thread the needle through how complex things can get when you're trying to heal and move forward. Want access to a free couple's course I created for my podcast listeners? Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.   Want to get in touch? I'd love to hear from you! If you want help healing addiction, trauma, and the relationship, you can get in touch with me at support@healingcouples.org Feel free to submit questions or topics you'd like covered in future podcast episodes!

19 Helmi 202128min

The Most Harmful 6-Letter Word That Prevents Permanent Healing

The Most Harmful 6-Letter Word That Prevents Permanent Healing

There is a 6 letter word that MOST people identify with and they need to stop if they want to stop watching porn for good! So if your goal is to heal from addiction or trauma, avoiding this at all costs if crucial. Want to get in touch? I'd love to hear from you! If you want help healing addiction, trauma, and the relationship, you can get in touch with me at support@healingcouples.org Feel free to submit questions or topics you'd like covered in future podcast episodes! Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

11 Helmi 202122min

When One Spouse HATES Talking About Feelings – Do THIS

When One Spouse HATES Talking About Feelings – Do THIS

It's true.. my wife HATES talking about how she feels.. (for real) And I know there are a lot of people out there who are married to someone who feels similar... So in this episode I explain exactly how I navigate it and still create a strong relationship with her. I give you a behind-the-scenes look into my own marriage with her with an undercover recorded conversation where I model for you how to approach a sensitive subject and handle push back. And no, the conversation we had wasn't staged.. she didn't know I did it at the time. I talked to her afterwards and she didn't care. :) Want to get in touch? I'd love to hear from you! If you want help healing addiction, trauma, and the relationship, you can get in touch with me at support@healingcouples.org Feel free to submit questions or topics you'd like covered in future podcast episodes! Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

5 Helmi 202125min

He Says He‘s Telling The Truth.. But How Can She Know

He Says He‘s Telling The Truth.. But How Can She Know

How can she know if he's telling truth? After she find out about his porn addiction, it makes her question everything.. Listen to today's episode to hear my thoughts and how you can avoid the dreaded back and forth of: Her: "I can't believe what you're saying." Him: "I'm telling you the truth."  Her: "No, you're not." Him: "Yes. I don't know what else you want me to say..." And as always, this episode is for both her AND him, because it's important for him to know how to navigate these moments too – Many times he IS telling the truth, but she can still have reservations and not believe it.   >>> Get in Touch! >> Free Course

28 Tammi 202130min

The Key to Unlock & Sustain His Motivation For Change

The Key to Unlock & Sustain His Motivation For Change

What should you do he is resistant to changing or fully committing to overcoming the addiction? The answer might surprise both of you.  In this episode, he will begin to see that motivation isn’t as important as everyone says it is, and she’ll discover that there’s a lot more hope for change than she expected. >>> Get in Touch! >> Free Course

21 Tammi 202130min

The Best Approach to Heal a Relationship Damaged By Pornography Addiction

The Best Approach to Heal a Relationship Damaged By Pornography Addiction

If you want a stronger relationship, but have been told to focus on yourself instead, this episode will be your guide to perfectly integrating both aspects. Sadly, most couples are unintentionally neglecting one of the greatest sources of healing, and I want to show you exactly how you can start to tap into and get support from this resource. >>> Get in Touch! >> Free Course

15 Tammi 202136min

Five Unexpected Ways She is Impacted by Pornography Addiction

Five Unexpected Ways She is Impacted by Pornography Addiction

The impact of an addiction on a partner/spouse can be significant. In this episode I share 5 of the most commonly-seen affects addiction has on her and what she can do to start the healing process. >>> Free Course

8 Tammi 202136min

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