121 | Embracing Personal & Family Discomfort: The Power of Cognitive Dissonance as a Catalyst for Change

Show Notes:

Ever felt that tug-of-war between who you are and who you think you should be? 🤔 Join us in this episode as we unravel the mystery of cognitive dissonance and discover how embracing discomfort can lead to profound personal transformation. Today, we’ll explore how inner conflict arises when our actions diverge from our core values, learning about cognitive dissonance and practical tips to live in alignment. Get ready to align your actions with your values and pave the path to a more authentic and fulfilling life!

Enjoy!

-Kendra

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Cognitive Dissonance

Values.pdf

Definition of Cognitive Dissonance:

Cognitive dissonance refers to the psychological discomfort experienced when individuals hold conflicting beliefs, attitudes, or behaviors. It occurs when there is a misalignment between one's actions and their deeply held values or beliefs, leading to a sense of inner conflict or tension.

Ex. from listeners and clients:

1. Ben believes in kindness and controlling his temper, but he’s so bitter with his ex that he is his worst self every time he thinks of her and it affects his current relationships. He struggles being kind when it involves anything with her, and justifies his rudeness.
2. Sara believes in self care and improving your mental health, but she can’t seem to make time for it personally. She gives and gives to her family and feels threadbare and on the verge of breaking down regularly. She is secretly resentful, but doesn’t share this with others.
3. Jake believes it’s important to cultivate his spirituality, but he doesn’t do much besides show up for church. He never seems to find the time to read scriptures, pray, or meditate.
4. Lindsay wants to get in better physical health, but instead she just puts on more weight and finds herself shopping and eating more, in attempts to avoid her marriage and parenting problems.

3 Quick Tips:

10 Minutes of Self-Reflection on Sunday Mornings: Take time to reflect on your core values and beliefs. Identify areas in your life where your actions may not align with these values. Honest self-assessment can help you recognize areas for improvement. (ex. I value learning and cultivating talents, but I’m not modeling that for my kids or I value family togetherness and quality time, but we’re all on screen every evening)

Set Clear Intentions: Define clear intentions and goals that are in harmony with your values. Whether it's in your personal relationships, career, or lifestyle choices, setting intentions aligned with your values can guide your decision-making process. (ex. I signed up for an art class and we’re having a family meeting on how it’s important for ALL family members to cultivate talents and live intentionally without making excuses).

Practice Authenticity: Be true to yourself and prioritize authenticity in your thoughts, words, and actions. Act in accordance with your values, even if it means stepping outside your comfort zone or facing challenges. Living authentically fosters a sense of integrity and inner peace. (Ex. being brave on social media or lovingly confronting a friend that says hurtful things about what you value. It is remembering that you are as important as the others in the room and that you also deserve respect. It’s acting as if you believe that, and also where you treat them as if they matter as much as you do. Another example is treating drivers or clerks with the same respect you’d want).

A few other quick thoughts:

• Cognitive dissonance is a gift. It teaches us something is wrong. Sometimes it feels like guilt, but we can prevent it from feeling like shame and challenge thoughts that say “I’m wrong” and change them to “what I’m doing isn’t in alignment with who I am and who I want to be.” When you’re so uncomfortable, you finally change.
• Find mentors that will elevate you and get you out of complacency and justification. Pay for things that will help you become your best self.
• Stop saying why you CAN’T. Explore how you can say yes.
• If it’s a priority you’ll find a way, if not, you’ll find an excuse.
• Live your life believing things will work out and not why they won’t (ex. Trainings, travel, financial independence, optimal health, spiritually strong).