207. From Conflict to Connection: Having Crucial Conversations that Count

207. From Conflict to Connection: Having Crucial Conversations that Count

How victim, villain, and helpless stories sabotage our most important conversations.


The hardest conversations aren’t just about what you say to the other person. According to Joseph Grenny, critical conversations begin with the stories that you tell yourself.

As a leading expert on business performance and communication, and a New York Times bestselling co-author of Crucial Conversations, Grenny explains that navigating high-stakes communication starts by examining the internal narratives we bring into these situations. “You and I use three consistent types of stories in these moments that don't serve us well,” he says: Victim stories (emphasizing our innocence), villain stories (demonizing the other person), and helpless stories (justifying our poor responses). "Those three kinds of stories are what amp up our emotions and justify us in our unhealthy responses," he says.

In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Grenny joins Matt Abrahams to share practical strategies for mastering difficult conversations through what he calls "TLC" — truth, love, and competence. From recognizing your motives during conflict to accepting your role in creating it, he offers tools for staying focused on what you really want rather than getting hijacked by short-term emotional impulses.

To listen to the extended Deep Thinks version of this episode, please visit FasterSmarter.io/premium

Episode Reference Links:

Connect:


Chapters:

  • (00:00) - Introduction
  • (02:32) - Influence & Why It Matters
  • (04:31) - Truth & Love: The Foundation of Accountability
  • (06:51) - Showing You Care & Respect Others
  • (08:35) - Recognizing Motives in High-Stakes Moment
  • (14:29) - Managing Emotions in Crucial Conversations
  • (20:24) - The Final Three Questions
  • (27:16) - Conclusion

*****
Thank you to our sponsors.
These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you for free.

This episode is brought to you by Stanford Continuing Studies. This fall, join me for "Communication Essentials for Work and Life," Enroll Today!

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66. Rethinks: Lessons from Neuroscientist Andrew Huberman to Help You Hack your Speaking Anxiety

66. Rethinks: Lessons from Neuroscientist Andrew Huberman to Help You Hack your Speaking Anxiety

“There’s no difference between the physiological response to something that you’re excited about and something that you’re nervous about or dreading,” says Andrew Huberman associate professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford University.In this “Best of” episode, we revisit one of our most popular interviews. In it, Huberman, from the wildly popular Huberman Lab Podcast, shares his research on the autonomic continuum, a spectrum between states of high alertness or fear all the way down to deep sleep, and shares how to use the system to your advantage. “If people can conceptualize that the anxiety or stress response is the same as the excitement response, they feel different,” Huberman says.Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn  *****Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you for free.This episode is brought to you by Stanford Continuing Studies. This fall, join me for "Communication Essentials for Work and Life," Enroll Today!

30 Elo 202230min

65. Ties That Bind: Why Remote and Hybrid Teams Need the Right Connection

65. Ties That Bind: Why Remote and Hybrid Teams Need the Right Connection

“We need to be much more adaptive in the way we think about hybrid work,” says Michael Arena. “Experiment, experiment, experiment.”Innovation relies on teams connecting in very specific ways. But are those connections possible in a hybrid work reality? Glenn Carroll, a professor of management at Stanford GSB, and Michael Arena, a faculty member of Penn's Master's in Organizational Dynamics program, have been looking for the answer — studying how team interactions have changed since millions of workers went remote.In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, they discuss how teams can optimize their communications to keep innovating in a post-pandemic world.Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn  *****Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you for free.This episode is brought to you by Stanford Continuing Studies. This fall, join me for "Communication Essentials for Work and Life," Enroll Today!

16 Elo 202224min

64. Rethinks: Techniques for Managing Your Reputation

64. Rethinks: Techniques for Managing Your Reputation

How others perceive us in person and via social media can impact our careers and social standing. But we can build the reputation we want through conscious communication.On this episode, strategic communication lecturers Matt Abrahams and Allison Kluger share techniques on effectively improving and managing your reputation.Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedInShow Notes:Allison Kluger“How Tylenol Made a Comeback” NYTimesAllison Kluger: "Telling your Story Can Lead to Success and Opportunity"Allison Kluger: Last Lecture Series: “If Not You, Then Who”  *****Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you for free.This episode is brought to you by Stanford Continuing Studies. This fall, join me for "Communication Essentials for Work and Life," Enroll Today!

2 Elo 202218min

63. Cheap Talk: What Economics Has to Say About Communication

63. Cheap Talk: What Economics Has to Say About Communication

Your words — are they credible? Or are they what Paul Oyer calls “cheap talk?”According to professor of economics Paul Oyer, how our words align with our actions isn’t just a matter of communication, but a matter of economics too. Economic concepts hold in all areas of life, which Oyer’s research has explored in everything from Uber driving to online dating.“Economics is everywhere,” Oyer says. “It's an incredibly powerful lens to analyze almost anything in the real world.”Join Matt Abrahams, lecturer in strategic communication, as he sits down with experts from across campus to discuss public speaking anxiety, speaking off the cuff, nailing a Q&A, and more. Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn  *****Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you for free.This episode is brought to you by Stanford Continuing Studies. This fall, join me for "Communication Essentials for Work and Life," Enroll Today!

18 Heinä 202221min

62. Rethinks: Summer Learning Series, How Humor Can Be a Secret Weapon in Communication

62. Rethinks: Summer Learning Series, How Humor Can Be a Secret Weapon in Communication

In the kickoff to our Summer Learning Series, we're revisiting one of our favorite episodes. This interview features Stanford GSB faculty members Jennifer Aaker and Naomi Bagdonas and gives specific insights into how humor can transform your communication at home and at work. At the time of this episode, their book Humor, Seriously was just set to launch.Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn  *****Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you for free.This episode is brought to you by Stanford Continuing Studies. This fall, join me for "Communication Essentials for Work and Life," Enroll Today!

5 Heinä 202231min

61. Courage, Ambiguity, Belonging and Data: How to Design Your Communication for Success

61. Courage, Ambiguity, Belonging and Data: How to Design Your Communication for Success

All communication comes from a place of creativity and creativity is rooted in design. In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, strategic communications lecturer and podcast host Matt Abrahams interviews four authors from the Stanford d.school. Each conversation challenges convention in how we approach our communication, be it visual, body language, or speech. Listen to this episode to hear more from Ashish Goel, author of Drawing on Courage; Susie Wise, author of Design for Belonging; Carissa Carter, author of The Secret Language of Maps; and Andrea Small, co author of Navigating Ambiguity.Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedInEpisode Reference Links:Interpersonal Dynamics, Stanford Graduate School of BusinessThink Fast, Talk Smart with Sarah Stein Greenberg: "Ideas & Empathy: How to Design and Communicate with Others in Mind"  *****Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you for free.This episode is brought to you by Stanford Continuing Studies. This fall, join me for "Communication Essentials for Work and Life," Enroll Today!

21 Kesä 202234min

60. Communicating Uncertainty: How to Connect With Your Audience, Even When The Answers Aren’t Clear

60. Communicating Uncertainty: How to Connect With Your Audience, Even When The Answers Aren’t Clear

“It's not reassuring when we don't know the answers to critically important questions involved in health and wellbeing. But it's far more of a problem if we try to pretend we do.” In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Stanford Medical School dean Lloyd Minor sits down with podcast host Matt Abrahams to discuss transparency in leadership. “Rather than pushing ambiguity away, we should lean into it, and use it as a stimulus to guide our communication in more effective ways.” They also discuss the benefits an introvert can bring to leadership roles and critical role listening plays for anyone in a position of power. Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn  *****Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you for free.This episode is brought to you by Stanford Continuing Studies. This fall, join me for "Communication Essentials for Work and Life," Enroll Today!

7 Kesä 202220min

59. From Dreaming to Doing: How We Set and Achieve Goals

59. From Dreaming to Doing: How We Set and Achieve Goals

Why do we do what we do? What factors drive us? And how do things like competition with others help us achieve our goals?These are the questions most interesting to Szu-chi Huang, an associate professor of marketing with a specific interest in motivation. “Competition definitely increases motivation,” says Huang. “It makes attaining the goal more valuable.”In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Huang and host Matt Abrahams explore the intersection of human psychology, behavior, and goal attainment—and how communication connects them all.Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedInEpisode Reference Links:"How Pursuit of the Same Goal Can Turn Friends Into Foes," Stanford GSB Insights"Step by Step: Sub-Goals as a Source of Motivation," Faculty Research: Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes   *****Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you for free.This episode is brought to you by Stanford Continuing Studies. This fall, join me for "Communication Essentials for Work and Life," Enroll Today!

24 Touko 202223min

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