207. From Conflict to Connection: Having Crucial Conversations that Count

207. From Conflict to Connection: Having Crucial Conversations that Count

How victim, villain, and helpless stories sabotage our most important conversations.


The hardest conversations aren’t just about what you say to the other person. According to Joseph Grenny, critical conversations begin with the stories that you tell yourself.

As a leading expert on business performance and communication, and a New York Times bestselling co-author of Crucial Conversations, Grenny explains that navigating high-stakes communication starts by examining the internal narratives we bring into these situations. “You and I use three consistent types of stories in these moments that don't serve us well,” he says: Victim stories (emphasizing our innocence), villain stories (demonizing the other person), and helpless stories (justifying our poor responses). "Those three kinds of stories are what amp up our emotions and justify us in our unhealthy responses," he says.

In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Grenny joins Matt Abrahams to share practical strategies for mastering difficult conversations through what he calls "TLC" — truth, love, and competence. From recognizing your motives during conflict to accepting your role in creating it, he offers tools for staying focused on what you really want rather than getting hijacked by short-term emotional impulses.

To listen to the extended Deep Thinks version of this episode, please visit FasterSmarter.io/premium

Episode Reference Links:

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Chapters:

  • (00:00) - Introduction
  • (02:48) - Influence & Why It Matters
  • (04:47) - Truth & Love: The Foundation of Accountability
  • (07:07) - Showing You Care & Respect Others
  • (08:51) - Recognizing Motives in High-Stakes Moment
  • (14:45) - Managing Emotions in Crucial Conversations
  • (20:40) - The Final Three Questions
  • (27:39) - Conclusion



Jaksot(234)

17. Think Fast: You Asked, We Answered

17. Think Fast: You Asked, We Answered

We asked listeners to send in their communication conundrums and ended up with an inbox full of thoughtful, specific questions. In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, host and Stanford GSB lecturer Matt Abrahams is joined by Shawon Jackson, MBA ’21, to share techniques on crafting written responses, dealing with constant interruptions, and confronting the power dynamics present in most communication. Shawon is the founder of Our Voices Matter, a public speaking program for high school students of color and a dual-degree student between Stanford GSB and Harvard Kennedy School. Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn

13 Elo 202018min

16. Quick Thinks: How to Craft Your Body Language When Confronting Objections

16. Quick Thinks: How to Craft Your Body Language When Confronting Objections

Knowing what to say to a skeptical audience is paramount, but how can your body language communicate empathy, openness, and power? In this Quick Thinks episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, we revisit Matt Abrahams’s conversation with Stanford GSB lecturer Burt Alper about how to keep body language in mind when it comes to handling objections.  Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn

31 Heinä 20205min

15. The Art of Negotiation: How to Get More of What You Want

15. The Art of Negotiation: How to Get More of What You Want

Whether we realize it or not, we negotiate everyday. But when we approach these situations as a win-or-lose battle, we’re already showing resistance, and setting ourselves up for difficulty. But what if you reframed the whole idea, to think of a negotiation not as a fight, but as a problem-solving exercise involving emotions?In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart Matt Abrahams speaks with Stanford GSB Professor emeritus Maggie Neale (and author of Getting More of What You Want: How the Secrets of Economics and Psychology Can Help You Negotiate Anything, in Business and in Life) about what she has learned in her decades of researching negotiation and the steps that lead to more collaborative problem solving. Listen as Maggie shares tips on how to approach negotiations with intention, and what strategies can help us more easily communicate our wants and needs. Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn

16 Heinä 202018min

14. Be Better At Work: How to Communicate Better With Coworkers and Employees

14. Be Better At Work: How to Communicate Better With Coworkers and Employees

Most of the work we do requires coordinating and collaborating with others. But how can we ensure the benefits of working with others, while avoiding conflict that’s inherent to communicating within groups?In this episode, Matt Abrahams speaks with Bob Sutton, Professor of Management Science and Engineering at Stanford School of Engineering and GSB Professor of Organizational Behavior (by courtesy) about maximizing productivity while minimizing what he calls “friction.” “So many organizations make the right things too hard to do and the wrong things too easy,” Sutton says. “For communication, to me, a big part of a leader's job is to be clear about where people should focus attention and where they should not focus attention.” Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn

2 Heinä 202026min

13. Make ’Em Laugh: How to Use Humor as a Secret Weapon in Your Communication

13. Make ’Em Laugh: How to Use Humor as a Secret Weapon in Your Communication

Humor does more than just make people laugh. It allows you to connect with your audience, diffuse tension, elevate status, and compel others to your point of view. Humor can also help you and your message stand out, yet most of us hesitate to use humor, especially in our professional lives.In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Matt Abrahams speaks with Stanford GSB Professor Jennifer Aaker and Lecturer Naomi Bagdonas about when and how humor operates in the work place. “Many believe that humor simply has no place amidst serious work,” Professor Aaker says. “Yet showing your sense of humor can make your peers and your friends attribute more perceptions of confidence and status to us while also cultivating a sense of trust.”Aaker and Bagdonas are are the authors of Humor, Seriously: Why Humor Is a Secret Weapon in Business and Life, which comes out in October of this year. Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn

22 Kesä 202030min

12. It's Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It: How To Communicate Power

12. It's Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It: How To Communicate Power

Power exists in every relationship — whether we like that idea or not — and to be effective in any role, power needs to be understood. In this episode, Matt Abrahams sits down with Professor of Organizational Behavior Deborah Gruenfeld to discuss her new book, Acting with Power: Why We Are More Powerful Than We Believe. Deborah shares how body language can give us power, or take it from us, and advises how we can use power for good. Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn

5 Kesä 202023min

11. The Science of Influence: How to Persuade Others And Hold Their Attention

11. The Science of Influence: How to Persuade Others And Hold Their Attention

We’re constantly bombarded with competing images, messaging, and bids for our attention. That's why as communicators, it’s increasingly important to know what engages people.In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Matt Abrahams speaks with Stanford GSB Professor Zak Tormala about the subtle ways you can structure your speech to get people to pay attention. “It’s not really about tricking people into doing what you want,” Professor Tormala says. “It’s more about understanding the factors that actually engage people or open them up to your idea and maybe get them to see something a little bit differently.”Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn

21 Touko 202024min

10. High-Stakes Communication: How to Manage Anxiety When Speaking in Front of Others

10. High-Stakes Communication: How to Manage Anxiety When Speaking in Front of Others

Most people feel nervous in situations such as speaking in front of a class, pitching a big idea, or giving a toast, yet research-backed techniques can help manage both the symptoms and sources of our speaking jitters.Matt Abrahams sits in the interviewee chair for this episode and talks with the podcast's producer, Jenny Luna, to share his backstory with public speaking anxiety and how by recognizing the causes of our nervousness, and applying mitigating techniques, we can gain confidence in our communication. Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.ioEpisode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn

7 Touko 202017min

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