121. Is Happiness a Choice? Practical Optimism and the Science of Hope with Dr. Sue Varma

Coming up on this episode of Flirtations, we’re talking practical optimism and how this grounded, science-backed approach can help guide us toward more fulfilling connections and loving relationships.

Joining us for this conversation is Dr. Sue Varma, a board-certified psychiatrist, clinical assistant professor at NYU, and the author of Practical Optimism: The Art, Science, and Practice of Exceptional Well-Being. Her work has helped countless people navigate trauma, stress, and uncertainty—and today, she’s helping us bring more purpose and emotional resilience into our dating lives.

In this conversation, we unpack what it really means to be optimistic in a world that doesn’t always make it easy. We talk about why it’s so hard to be alone, but how we can do just that without giving in to loneliness.

We explore how we can stop comparing ourselves to other people, how we can find purpose in small, everyday moments, and why empathy is so important to true, genuine connection.

We also ask questions like, "Is happiness a choice?" "Can we train our brains to think bigger and love deeper?" And, "What does it mean to be a practical optimist?"

If you’re struggling to keep the hope alive out there dating or are having a hard time believing in yourself, you don’t want to miss this episode!

Dr. Varma’s work has sincerely changed my own life in my longtime battle with depression and I hope that by the end of this episode, if you’re having a hard time in your life, things will get just a bit easier.

Alright Flirties, let’s do this, and meet Dr. Sue Varma!

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About our guest: Dr. Sue Varma is a board-certified psychiatrist and distinguished fellow of the American Psychiatric Association, with over 20 years of experience in both private practice and as a clinical assistant professor at NYU Langone Health. A trailblazer in her field, she was the inaugural medical director of NYU's 9/11 mental health program, earning a Mayoral Proclamation for her groundbreaking contributions.

Dr. Varma is a highly sought-after keynote speaker and national medical commentator, regularly featured on leading platforms like the Today Show, Good Morning America, CBS Mornings, The NY Times, WSJ, Washington Post, along with documentaries and primetime specials, where her expertise has earned her 13 nominations and two Sharecare Emmy Awards.

Honored as one of the world’s top five leading health experts by Global Citizen for her pandemic work, and the Ivan Goldberg Award for Outstanding Service, Dr. Varma now brings her insights on mental wellness to a global audience with her acclaimed book Practical Optimism: The Art, Science, and Practice of Exceptional Wellbeing, being translated in a dozen languages and counting.

To learn more about Dr. Varma and her work, please check out Instagram and www.drsuevarma.com.

About your host: Benjamin is a flirt and dating coach sharing his love of flirting and BFE - big flirt energy - with the world! A lifelong introvert and socially anxious member of society, Benjamin now helps singles and daters alike flirt with more confidence, clarity, and fun!

As the flirt is all about connection, Benjamin helps the flirt community (the Flirties!) date from a place that allows the value of connection in all forms - platonic, romantic, and with the self - to take center stage.

Ultimately, this practice of connection helps flirters and daters alike create stronger relationships, transcend limiting beliefs, and develop an unwavering love for the self.

His work has been featured in Fortune, NBC News, The Huffington Post, Men's Health, and Yoga Journal.

You can connect with Benjamin on Instagram, TikTok, stream the Flirtations Flirtcast everywhere you listen to podcasts (like right here!), and find out more about working together 1:1 here.