030 – Don’t Fall For “I Can’t Talk To You On The Phone”

Jen had a very nice childhood with her parents and never really wanted to search for her birth parents until her friends started having kids. But the ultimate spark that ignited her desire to search came from a family tragedy.

In the aftermath Jen located her birth mother and they connected over social media, but Jen could never get her mother on the phone and that gave her a bad feeling. While she’s thankful for the few answers she did get about her past, Jen wishes she had not been deceived and has a warning for other adoptees seeking reunion. On her reunion trip her birth mother bitterly showed her true colors.

Thankfully,contacting her birth mother did allow her to connect with other really cool relatives, and find her paternal half-brother who is ecstatic to know her.

The post 030 – Don’t Fall For “I Can’t Talk To You On The Phone” appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.

Jen (00:03):

I never got a please. Thank you. A nicety. Nothing. I got nothing decent or nice or kind from this woman, so that's the reason why when I look back at whatever communications we had prior to, I deleted everything because I don't think any of it's true.

Voices (00:23):

Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

Damon (00:35):

This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Jen who lives in the often sweltering heat of Phoenix, Arizona. She told me she had a very nice childhood with her parents and never really wanted to search for her birth parents until her friends started having kids. But the ultimate spark that ignited her desire to search came from a family tragedy. In the aftermath, Jen located her birth mother and they connected over social media, but Jen could never get her mother on the phone and that gave her a bad feeling. When they finally met face to face, their reunion was short lived. While she's thankful for the few answers she did get about her past, Jen wishes she had not been deceived and has a warning for other adoptees seeking reunion.

Damon (01:28):

For Jen, everything was normal. Growing up. Her parents read her a special book every night, the chosen baby, about a couple who elected to adopt an infant and raise the child as their own. Jen still has that book to this day. She never thought about her adoption growing up, even as a young adult. Then her peers started having kids. Of course, the children look like their parents, and Jen began to wonder whom she looked like. It wasn't quite enough of a spark to launch a search, but then something tragic happened.

Jen (02:00):

What changed for me and what made me search for biological family was my mom was killed in a car accident, um, October, 2012. So that was number one, a shock. And number two, a lot of things changed after that. Like I said, it never seemed to be an issue of me being adopted. It never was part of my day. It was never part of my thought. But after my mom was killed, my dad and the remaining family, cause we don't have a big family, I guess you could say, they sort of turned on me. I got written out of the will. Things were totally changed. I mean it was, it was so incredibly hurtful and incredibly blindsided that, I mean I just, then I start wondering my, cause my whole life been a lie.

Damon (02:53):

Wow.

Jen (02:55):

It was pretty big wow moment. Yeah.

Damon (02:57):

Did you experience any animosity, any contentiousness? Was there any, so for a minute, let's just go backwards for a second. Do you have siblings?

Jen (03:10):

No, they only adopted me.

Damon (03:11):

Did you feel any of that from your father growing up?

Jen (03:15):

No. No. Absolutely. No. That's why it was so blindsided. So my mom was killed October 2012. Things already were in play and changing like kind of almost within the first six months. It was pretty immediate.

Damon (03:33):

What kinds of things did you detect were that were already in play that were starting to get worse?

Jen (03:38):

I have two cousins that live in Chicago and they, my mom had a brother who was also deceased and I was really close to my uncle. Those two boys belonged to my uncle who's deceased. My mom is deceased. Those two boys live in Chicago and I mean, I hate to stereotype, but they are very wealthy, so I guess apparently if you're a multimillionaire, I guess you feel you could control the world. Well, they stepped in and it's like they sort of took over my dad, but at the end of the day, my dad is responsible for letting go of the wheel and letting those boys take control.

Damon (04:15):

Around that time, her father had hip replacement surgery and he was in the hospital. Jen went to his bedside daily and it was at that time she found out he had agreed to change his wife's will eliminating Jen. They're only heir and creating a trust that diverted her inheritance, but more importantly, the process drove a wedge between her and her father that was deeply hurtful. Unfortunately, Jen's not the only adoptee to be treated that way.

Jen (