324. Why do we hold grudges?

324. Why do we hold grudges?

Why do some things sit heavy in our chest for weeks, months, even years - while others seem to slide right off? In today’s episode, we’re unpacking the psychology of resentment, exploring why letting go can feel so hard, and what our grudges might actually be trying to tell us about ourselves. Grudges are often dismissed as petty or immature, but they’re rarely that simple. They’re emotional archives - stories we keep retelling in our minds, not just to stay angry, but to make sense of hurt, to assert boundaries, or to reclaim a sense of control. Whether it’s a betrayal from years ago or a passive-aggressive comment from last week, the feelings linger for a reason.

We explore:

• The psychological function of holding a grudge
• How rumination and memory shape emotional pain
• The role of power, justice, and unmet needs in long-term resentment
• How resentment harms us more than them
• Why forgiveness isn’t the same as forgetting
• Tools for emotional processing and (maybe) letting go

If you want to get curious about what your lingering anger is pointing to, this episode is for you.

Listen to my NEW PODCAST, Mantra: https://open.spotify.com/show/4Ckds0BoJDDpODInN9cWcc?si=b6ad5d555c1940e0

Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg
Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast
For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com

The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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398. 5 ways to get unstuck in your 20s

398. 5 ways to get unstuck in your 20s

Feeling stuck in your 20s is a rite of passage, but it's can also feel deeply hopeless when nothing in your life seems to be moving or changing in the way you want it to. In today's episode, we break ...

21 Maalis 23min

397. The psychology of office politics

397. The psychology of office politics

When we think about office politics, you might think gossip, favouritism, or power plays - the kind of behind-the-scenes drama that makes work feel draining. But office politics isn’t just about one-u...

19 Maalis 36min

396. Homesickness

396. Homesickness

Homesickness is more than just “missing home", it's a deep sense of nostalgia, grief, longing and also, as psychology will tell us, a unique kind of stress response. In this episode, we break down the...

16 Maalis 34min

395. Is depression just a chemical imbalance?

395. Is depression just a chemical imbalance?

The idea that depression is caused by a “chemical imbalance” is one of the most widely accepted explanations in modern mental health ... but is it actually true? In this bonus episode, we unpack where...

15 Maalis 32min

394. What is the pursuer-distancer relationship dynamic?

394. What is the pursuer-distancer relationship dynamic?

When one person tries to get closer to someone else, and the other person pulls away in response, they might be experiencing a pursuer-distancer dynamic. This can create a very painful cycle, where co...

12 Maalis 39min

393. The psychology of stoicism

393. The psychology of stoicism

If you heard someone described as stoic, you would probably imagine they were unemotional and repressed, with a stiff upper lip. But stoicism has a PR problem. In fact, stoicism can teach us a lot abo...

9 Maalis 37min

392. Why is whimsy so powerful

392. Why is whimsy so powerful

We often dismiss the small, playful things we do to keep life joyful: collecting trinkets, baking for no reason, blowing bubbles, looking for magic. They’re labelled childish, unnecessary, or unseriou...

5 Maalis 39min

391. The unconscious vs. conscious mind

391. The unconscious vs. conscious mind

We like to think we’re making conscious choices all day long - but a lot of what drives our reactions, habits, and gut feelings happens outside of awareness. The conscious vs. unconscious mind is a us...

2 Maalis 42min

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