324. Why do we hold grudges?

324. Why do we hold grudges?

Why do some things sit heavy in our chest for weeks, months, even years - while others seem to slide right off? In today’s episode, we’re unpacking the psychology of resentment, exploring why letting go can feel so hard, and what our grudges might actually be trying to tell us about ourselves. Grudges are often dismissed as petty or immature, but they’re rarely that simple. They’re emotional archives - stories we keep retelling in our minds, not just to stay angry, but to make sense of hurt, to assert boundaries, or to reclaim a sense of control. Whether it’s a betrayal from years ago or a passive-aggressive comment from last week, the feelings linger for a reason.

We explore:

• The psychological function of holding a grudge
• How rumination and memory shape emotional pain
• The role of power, justice, and unmet needs in long-term resentment
• How resentment harms us more than them
• Why forgiveness isn’t the same as forgetting
• Tools for emotional processing and (maybe) letting go

If you want to get curious about what your lingering anger is pointing to, this episode is for you.

Listen to my NEW PODCAST, Mantra: https://open.spotify.com/show/4Ckds0BoJDDpODInN9cWcc?si=b6ad5d555c1940e0

Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg
Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast
For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com

The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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348. The psychology of 'skinnytok'

348. The psychology of 'skinnytok'

Extreme thinness is back in trend (again) so today, we explore the psychology behind why and the impact its having? In this episode, we'll discuss the rise of skinnytok and how this so-called ‘wellnes...

30 Loka 202548min

347. The psychology of revenge

347. The psychology of revenge

Have you ever felt that urge for payback? Revenge is one of the oldest, most universal human instincts. It seems like it promises justice, balance, or even peace. But why does it so often leave us fee...

28 Loka 202539min

346. How to avoid settling in your 20s

346. How to avoid settling in your 20s

Everyone is secretly searching for the perfect relationship, but what if your relationship is just 'good enough'? What if you feel secure, or fine about the person you're with but secretly want more? ...

24 Loka 202534min

345. How to fall in love with failure

345. How to fall in love with failure

We think of failure as a terrible thing or something to be avoided. But when you learn to fall in love with failure, a whole new level of growth occurs that will have you seeing progress faster than e...

21 Loka 202538min

344. Sociopathy

344. Sociopathy

We’ve all heard the term thrown around – in books, in TV dramas, in news articles – we’re taught to be scared of it. But rarely do we consider what it actually means. In today’s bonus episode, we take...

19 Loka 202530min

343. The psychology of saturn's return

343. The psychology of saturn's return

Have you ever felt like everything in your late twenties is suddenly up for grabs - your relationships, your career, even who you thought you were? It might be your Saturn return - a period of upheava...

17 Loka 202538min

342. The psychology of dissociation

342. The psychology of dissociation

Have you ever felt like the world around you isn’t quite real, or like you’re watching your life from the outside? Have you ever driven somewhere and suddenly wondered how you got there? It might be d...

14 Loka 202546min

341. The 5 types of toxic friendships

341. The 5 types of toxic friendships

Friendships should be a source of joy – people who just make life lighter. But not all friendships feel that way. Some leave us drained, insecure, or questioning our worth. And it can be hard to admit...

9 Loka 202546min

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