Limerence: The Psychology of Romantic Obsession with Brandy Wyant

We’ve spent a lot of time on Being Well discussing how to improve our relationships - how to navigate conflict effectively, communicate more skillfully, and create a romantic relationship that’s truly fulfilling - but we’ve spent very little time talking about how to get into one of those relationships in the first place. Today, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson talk about how to maximize your chances of finding a fulfilling long-term relationship. They explore how to develop a clear intention of what you want, the key psychological skills that invite a healthy relationship, and how to market yourself authentically while dating. From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Our holiday sale is going on now, and podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25  for another 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:55: What supports people in finding a long-term partner? 4:35: Having a clear intention 8:45: Psychological skills to maximize our chances of finding a long-term relationship 12:15: Marketing and sorting through suspects 14:40: Intention expanded 22:15: Psychological skills expanded 22:50: A healthy sense of self worth 26:10: Being aware of your selection biases 29:35: Communication skills 34:30: Seeing the best in one another 37:30: Settling anxious and avoidant tendencies 42:00: Resting in presence with someone 43:15: Not letting the perfect be the enemy of the good 44:25: Marketing explained 55:00: Authenticity 58:20: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: Find the new CBD+ performance gummies and the whole dosist health line-up today at dosisthealth.com. Use promo code BEINGWELL20 for 20% off your purchase.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

6 Joulu 20211h 6min

It’s natural to have moments – even in the course of a generally happy, mostly fulfilling life – where we question our meaning, value, and purpose. This "existential dread" sometimes culminates in an "existential crisis." Today Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson consider how we can confront these basic questions with acceptance and curiosity, and find the meaning and purpose that can help us live good lives. If you're in crisis, are thinking about suicide, or are concerned about a loved one, please call 1-800-273-8255. The Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching to listening? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00 Introduction 2:35 Meaning and purpose as the basis for Existentialism 5:20 Four basic issues of existence 7:00 Practical reasons for exploring Existentialism 10:50 Forrest’s childhood acceptance of death. 12:00 Four approaches to confronting existential frailty 13:45 Rick’s orientation to existential dread and its three psychological challenges 15:45 Rick’s personal experience confronting ambivalence and asking the point of living 20:25 Confronting an existential crisis as a catapult into a meaningful life 22:45 Morbid preoccupation as avoidance and self-ing 23:45 The three major whys of living: pleasure, service, and learning 26:10 What death can teach us about living a good life 31:30 Waves and water - resting in gratitude for life and it’s inevitable ending 36:15 Humor in the space of emptiness between living things 39:10 Natural fear vs. anticipatory dread 43:10 Finding your why when familiar structures break down 48:35 Recap and front porch meditation Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

29 Marras 202156min

How can we aim high, achieve our goals, and get what we want out of life without falling prey to unhealthy striving and excessive perfectionism? Dr. Diana Hill joins Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson to explore the costs of perfectionism, productivity anxiety, psychological flexibility, calming the threat system, and how we can go from striving to thriving.  About Our Guest: Dr. Diana Hill specializes in evidence-based and compassion-focused approaches to living well. She has a thriving private practice in Santa Barbara, CA, is the author of the ACT Daily Journal, and is one of the hosts of the Psychologists Off the Clock Podcast. Diana is also the host of a new podcast called Your Life in Process launching in Jan 2022, where she offers practical teachings and conversations on becoming psychologically flexible from the inside out. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching to listening? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Our holiday sale is going on now, and podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25  for another 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Key Topics: 0:00 Introduction 2:00 Dr. Hill’s personal journey 4:40 Signs of unhealthy striving 6:50 Recognizing striving in the body 12:50 Signs of being in a healthier place around striving 16:15 What drives perfectionism and how to develop comfort with difficult experiences 22:20 Psychological flexibility and how to see your experience more clearly 26:35 Social and internalized factors in the search for approval  34:55 Practical ways to develop psychological flexibility 38:00 Inner freedom and choice within discomfort 45:30 Exposure therapy and cognitive diffusion for releasing control and anxiety 55:00 The middle way and climbing the mountains that are important to you. 59:50 Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: Find the new CBD+ performance gummies and the whole dosist health line-up today at dosisthealth.com. Use promo code BEINGWELL20 for 20% off your purchase.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

22 Marras 20211h 8min

We all want a relationship that's more than just functional, we want one that's truly fulfilling. On today's episode Forrest is joined by a wonderful therapist and author who focuses on giving people the tools they need to communicate, navigate hard times, and create deeper connections with other people: Elizabeth Earnshaw. They explore:  How the pandemic impacted our relationships The Gottman approach The stages of a relationship Balancing differing needs for intimacy How to request, and give, repair. They then close the episode with a fun game focused on debunking common relationship myths. About our Guest: Elizabeth is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, the founder of A Better Life Therapy, and the author of I Want This to Work. You might also know her as @lizlistens on Instagram, where she’s helped countless people transform their relationships. From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Our holiday sale is going on now, and podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25  for another 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction. 1:45: Elizabeth’s background. 5:30: How did the pandemic impact relationships? 7:30: Responding to stress in relationships. 9:00: Co-regulation. 11:15: Punishing others for our unpleasant emotions.  13:45: The four stages of relationships. 17:50: What to look for in a partner.  20:10: The “Four Horsemen” of bad relationship communication.  24:25: Key skills for navigating conflict together.  27:00: How to request repair from your partner. 34:10: Deciding if you should leave. 37:45: Interdependence. 41:30: Balancing differing needs for intimacy. 46:30: The Instagram Meme Game: Common misconceptions about relationships. 47:30: “Partners should share everything with each other.” 50:30: “Your partner should be your ride or die.” 52:15: “Never go to bed angry.” 54:50: “My partner is my missing piece.” 56:35: “If you can’t handle me on my worst day, you don’t deserve me on my best day.” 1:02:05: Recap. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: From Boston Globe Media comes a new podcast, TURNING POINTS, a show about navigating mental health. Listen on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Find the new CBD+ performance gummies and the whole dosist health line-up today at dosisthealth.com. Use promo code BEINGWELL20 for 20% off your purchase.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

15 Marras 20211h 10min

Today we're continuing our exploration of the key inner strengths and psychological skills we truly feel like we couldn’t live without. In the second of two episodes dedicated to this topic, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson talk about joy, seeing the mind's deceits, keeping your good humor, the wild spirit, and finding meaning. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Our holiday sale is going on now, and podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25  for another 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:30: Cognitive restructuring: fighting your negative brain. 7:10: Not taking things so seriously.  9:40: The “stage play” of life. 12:40: Joy. 17:40: The wild spirit.  23:20: Breaking our patterns.  25:15: The “routinization of charisma.”  29:00: Finding meaning.  38:40: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: From Boston Globe Media comes a new podcast, TURNING POINTS, a show about navigating mental health. Listen on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Find the new CBD+ performance gummies and the whole dosist health line-up today at dosisthealth.com. Use promo code BEINGWELL20 for 20% off your purchase.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

8 Marras 202146min

Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore which key inner strengths and psychological skills they truly feel like they couldn’t live without. In the first of two episodes dedicated to this topic, they talk about benevolence, patience, curiosity, self-regulation, and grit.  Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Our holiday sale is going on now, and podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25  for another 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 3:00: What do you take with you? 4:15: Benevolence.  8:10: Patience.  12:15: What helps us learn how to wait? 16:40: The value of “asking the question.” 17:30: Curiosity. 22:30: Self-regulation. 28:30: Regulation enabling exploration. 32:30: Grit. 40:50: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: From Boston Globe Media comes a new podcast, TURNING POINTS, a show about navigating mental health. Listen on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Find the new CBD+ performance gummies and the whole dosist health line-up today at dosisthealth.com. Use promo code BEINGWELL20 for 20% off your purchase.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

1 Marras 202147min

Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson focus on two of our most important subjects, attachment wounds and traumatic experiences, with a longtime therapist, trainer of therapists, and world-class expert on attachment theory: Dr. Diane Poole Heller.  About our Guest: Dr. Heller focuses on using somatic, or body-based, approaches to help people resolve the painful experiences and negative patterns that hold us back. Her work on adult attachment has created a path for adults with childhood attachment injuries to develop the secure attachment skills that lead to more connected and fulfilling adult relationships. Key Topics: 2:30: What is attachment, and why should we care? 4:45: Secure attachment. 7:50: Avoidant attachment.  12:30: The potential for movement toward secure attachment. 16:00: Ambivalent (or anxious) attachment. 20:45: Disorganized attachment.  24:15: Somatic approaches to attachment wounds.  29:50: Allowing the body to move out of threat. 34:10: Secure attachment skills. 38:55: Repatterning ourselves.  47:20: Becoming more secure in connection.  50:30: Three questions to help calm relational activation. 55:45: A message to your younger self. 56:45: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: From Boston Globe Media comes a new podcast, TURNING POINTS, a show about navigating mental health. Listen on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Find the new CBD+ performance gummies and the whole dosist health line-up today at dosisthealth.com. Use promo code BEINGWELL20 for 20% off your purchase.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

25 Loka 20211h 1min

The most important relationship we have is with ourselves. You’re the only person you’ll be around every minute of every day for the rest of your life. And, unfortunately, that relationship is often our most difficult one. Today Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore how we can become better friends to ourselves, and learn to like ourselves more. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You  can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:20: What does it mean to “like ourselves?” 5:20: Why don’t people like themselves? 11:50: Giving yourself the same breaks you give others. 14:10: Regulating impulses.  19:15: Does “liking ourselves more” make someone narcissistic? 24:30: What supported Rick in liking himself more? 29:00: Seeing yourself clearly. 32:30: The IFS model and the caring committee.  36:30: Our nurturing parts. 39:10: A practicing of being for yourself. 45:10: Recap. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors: From Dr. Hanson: The Foundations of Well-Being brings together the lessons of a lifetime of practice into one year-long online program. Podcast listeners can use the code BEINGWELL25 at checkout for an additional 25% off! Please don't hesitate to apply for a scholarship if you're in need.  From Boston Globe Media comes a new podcast, TURNING POINTS, a show about navigating mental health. Listen on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Find the new CBD+ performance gummies and the whole dosist health line-up today at dosisthealth.com. Use promo code BEINGWELL20 for 20% off your purchase.  Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!  Want to sleep better? Try the legendary Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

18 Loka 202151min