But Why Do We Get So Defensive? | Shame, Identity & The Psychology Behind the Pushback

But Why Do We Get So Defensive? | Shame, Identity & The Psychology Behind the Pushback

From “not all men” to “I was just joking,” defensiveness is everywhere. But what’s really going on underneath?

In this episode, Kristin and Laura unpack the psychology of defensiveness - how it protects us, how it shows up in everyday interactions, and how it connects to deeper systems of power. With stories about awkward meetings, parenting, and fragile masculinity, they explore:
• Why our brains go into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn
• The difference between guilt and shame (and why it matters)
• How whiteness, masculinity, and identity get tangled in pushback
• Why vulnerability is framed as weakness, and who benefits
• What defensiveness looks like in relationships, work, and culture

This is a compassionate but clear-eyed conversation about why being wrong feels so threatening — and what’s possible when we pause, get curious, and choose accountability instead.

Socials: https://linktr.ee/butwhy.pod

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But Why Is the Manosphere So Predictable? | Insecurity, Power & the Psychology of Backlash

But Why Is the Manosphere So Predictable? | Insecurity, Power & the Psychology of Backlash

This week, Kristin is joined by sociologist Dr. Randall Blazak to unpack the Into the Manosphere documentary and why, for anyone who studies power, it’s not shocking at all. Because what looks like “s...

31 Maalis 1h 11min

But Why Does Christmas Feel So Bittersweet? | Part 3: Boundaries & Actually Enjoying the Holidays

But Why Does Christmas Feel So Bittersweet? | Part 3: Boundaries & Actually Enjoying the Holidays

We’ve talked nostalgia. We’ve talked stress. Now we’re getting real about how to survive the season with your sanity intact. In Part 3 of our Christmas series, Kristin and Laura tackle the big one: wh...

21 Joulu 20251h 2min

But Why Does Christmas Feel So Bittersweet? | Part 2: Why the Holidays Burn Us Out

But Why Does Christmas Feel So Bittersweet? | Part 2: Why the Holidays Burn Us Out

In Part 2 of our holiday series, Kristin and Laura peel back the glitter to talk about the real stress under the tinsel...from sensory overload and grief to the gendered emotional labour that keeps th...

12 Joulu 202555min

But Why Does Christmas Feel So Bittersweet? | Part 1: Nostalgia, Identity & Holiday Expectations

But Why Does Christmas Feel So Bittersweet? | Part 1: Nostalgia, Identity & Holiday Expectations

In Part 1 of our holiday series, we deck the halls...and then unpack why it never quite feels the way it used to. Kristin and Laura get reflective (and slightly existential) about the bittersweet natu...

9 Joulu 20251h 4min

But Why is Politics so Messy? | Part 3: Psychology and the Politics of Resistance

But Why is Politics so Messy? | Part 3: Psychology and the Politics of Resistance

In Part 3 of our But Why is Politics so Messy? series, we close with the big one: What can we actually do? After breaking down how people get pulled into harmful political narratives, Kristin and Laur...

27 Marras 20251h 15min

But Why is Politics so Messy? | Part 2: The Myth of the Rational Voter (with Keegan Tatum)

But Why is Politics so Messy? | Part 2: The Myth of the Rational Voter (with Keegan Tatum)

In Part 2 of our Messy Politics series, Kristin and Laura are joined by political psychology creator Keegan Tatum to unpack why logic rarely drives political decision-making...and why it’s actually ou...

18 Marras 20251h 24min

But Why is Politics so Messy? | Part 1: The Psychology of Political Paralysis

But Why is Politics so Messy? | Part 1: The Psychology of Political Paralysis

Part 1 of our new series: But Why is Politics so Messy?In a world on fire, why do so many people double down, look away…or stay stuck? In this episode, Kristin and Laura explore the psychology of poli...

11 Marras 20251h 8min

But Why Do We Create Monsters? | Part 3: Fear, Projection & the Psychology of Horror

But Why Do We Create Monsters? | Part 3: Fear, Projection & the Psychology of Horror

Part 3 of our Halloween series: Monsters as Mirrors If monsters reflect our fears, what does it say that we keep making them? In this final episode of our Halloween trilogy, Kristin and Laura dig deep...

28 Loka 202555min

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