Why Relapse to Addiction Is So Common

In this episode of The Grounded Union Podcast, we dive deep into why addiction relapse is so devastatingly common and how couples can break free from this destructive cycle forever. Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen share their raw journey through five years of repeated relapse before discovering the root-level healing that changed everything. They reveal why surface-level solutions fail and introduce their "roots and rewiring" approach - examining childhood trauma, spiritual beliefs, and life paradigms that keep people trapped. The hosts emphasize getting to the core wounds rather than just managing symptoms, challenging listeners to treat addiction recovery not as minor adjustments but as a complete life transformation. Most provocatively, they advocate for total transparency between spouses - sharing every secret, memory, and struggle without exception. Their message: true freedom isn't about willpower or accountability groups, but about digging deep into your story, rewiring your thoughts, and creating the life you actually want to live rather than one you need to escape from.

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Timestamps & Key Moments:

• 00:00:28 – Why We’re Talking About Relapse: Brandon introduces the episode’s focus on why relapse to addiction is so common, sharing their personal five-year journey through relapse and the importance of healing at the root level.
• 00:01:50 – Relapse Cycle and Surface-Level Healing: The historical pattern of getting caught, crying, apologizing, seeking help, and repeated relapse over months to years
• 00:04:13 – The Need for Root System Work: Caitlyn discusses their realization that staying on the surface level with addiction was not working and that they needed to "dig way deeper" to get to the root of the issue.
• 00:07:15 – First Root Category - Childhood Exploration: Why deep, sustainable change comes from exploring past wounds and patterns with curiosity instead of shame.
• 00:14:55 – Tracing Addiction Back to Childhood Origins: The importance of identifying when and how addictive behaviors first appeared in childhood, and many addictions—whether porn, alcohol, food, or work—are intertwined and rooted in early experiences.
• 00:17:06 – Second Root Category - Spirituality: How spiritual beliefs—especially from Christian upbringings—can create paradigms that normalize or even excuse relapse.
• 00:19:32 – Third Root Category - Personal Paradigms: Assessing your beliefs about yourself, your marriage, and your ability to achieve freedom from addiction.
• 00:22:58 – Living Free from Relapse: What it looks like to live a life free from relapse, based on their own last five years of sobriety.
• 00:26:34 – The 30-Day Rewiring Process: Brandon details the exact steps he took over 30 days that rewired his brain and eliminated his compulsions.
• 00:32:49 – The 4R's Technique: Brandon introduces their practical rewiring tool - Recognize the thought, Receive peace in your body, Release the old pattern, Replace with new behavior.
• 00:34:53 – The One Thing Nobody Told Us: Sharing absolutely everything - every memory, thought, current struggle, and past experience without exception.