216: When Sexual Energy Builds: How to Avoid the Relapse Spiral Without Suppression or Shame

216: When Sexual Energy Builds: How to Avoid the Relapse Spiral Without Suppression or Shame

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome your pornography use?

Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornographyhttps://stopporn.info/

Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes?

Email me here:

sam@healingcouples.org

Episode show notes:

Today we dive deep into the real reason men relapse when sexual energy builds — and it’s not just about willpower.

If you've been battling porn addiction, you’ve likely tried to resist, suppress, and distract yourself every time an urge to watch porn surfaces. But what if that strategy is actually setting you up to fail?

This episode uncovers why the common “dam approach” — where you try to hold back your sexual urges through deprivation — often leads to more pressure, anxiety, and eventual porn relapses.

Instead, we explore two proven frameworks that help men break free from the binge/guilt/shame cycle and experience long-term porn addiction recovery.

We tell the story of two men:

One who used pornography to escape emotional pain like shame, rejection, and loneliness...

And one who faced habitual urges and sexual energy late at night, even after he had removed his triggers...

Both learned how to stop using porn as a coping mechanism and finally felt in control again.

In this episode, you'll learn:

Why deprivation often causes anxiety and increases the risk of porn relapses

How to understand what’s really driving your urge to watch porn — emotional pain vs. physical arousal

How to use mindfulness and redirection to handle urges without suppression or shame

A question that instantly grounds you when you're triggered: “What else in my environment is interesting right now?”

How to finally stop the cycle of white-knuckling, slipping, and starting over again

This episode is for you if you want to:

  • Quit porn for good
  • Overcome habitual porn use
  • Break free from compulsive sexual behaviors
  • Stop relapse before it happens
  • Build emotional and mental tools to master their porn recovery journey

If you're ready to stop fighting against your urges and finally start understanding and resolving them at the root, this episode will give you the clarity and tools you’ve been missing.

Jaksot(218)

Why People Can’t Follow Through on Breaking Bad Habits or Patterns

Why People Can’t Follow Through on Breaking Bad Habits or Patterns

When people have a hard time following through on creating a good habit or breaking a bad one, there's always a reason. In this episode, we dive deeper into the reasons why we don't do the things that we say we want to do, and I share with you some strategies to help you dissolve any blocks or barriers that have prevented you from being successful. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

26 Elo 202133min

His Pornography Addiction Just Came Out... What Are The First Steps to Heal?

His Pornography Addiction Just Came Out... What Are The First Steps to Heal?

When a pornography addiction first comes out, it can be overwhelming and shocking. So many couples need a place to start and need direction about what steps to take next. The effects of porn addiction in a relationship are far reaching and can be severe when it comes to the trust, connection, and closeness. In this episode I share a framework and an overview with examples about what steps you can take in the beginning to start the healing process right away instead of spinning your wheels and feeling stuck. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

20 Elo 202129min

Can Sex With a Spouse Trigger the Pornography Addiction?

Can Sex With a Spouse Trigger the Pornography Addiction?

When it comes to bringing sex back into the relationship, one of the main questions that people have is “will that trigger him back into the addiction?” If men struggle with a porn addiction or a sex addiction, it can be difficult for a wife to feel comfortable with intimacy. There are a lot of fears and reservations when it comes to sexual intimacy because of the damage that is done in that area of the relationship by the addiction. In this episode I share how are you can know when the time is right to bring back sex, how you can gauge the timing, and what to do if triggers arise. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

14 Elo 202124min

2 Key Indicators It’s Safe to Trust Again

2 Key Indicators It’s Safe to Trust Again

When trust is damaged because of pornography addiction or lying, it's hard to know when it's safe to open up and trust again. Knowing what to look for will help you to measure whether or not there's progress being made, and it helps him to know where to spend his energy in the rebuilding phase and gaining her trust back. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

6 Elo 202132min

What If I Am Falling Out of Love With My Spouse?

What If I Am Falling Out of Love With My Spouse?

Sometimes people start to lose the love they have for their spouse, especially as pornography addiction and betrayal trauma negatively affect the relationship.  The good news is that if you know how to create, shape, and reignite love, you can rekindle it regardless of how long you've been together and even if you've gone through lots of rough patches. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

31 Heinä 202130min

The Key Components to Her Healing From Betrayal Trauma and Beginning to Trust Again

The Key Components to Her Healing From Betrayal Trauma and Beginning to Trust Again

The road to overcome porn addiction and rebuilding your marriage can feel long and painful. The sting of betrayal and the web of the addiction can cause people to lose hope and sight of a better future. I’m joined in this episode by TC Jolley, who is a strong woman who healed from betrayal trauma as a result of her husband’s addiction. Their marriage is strong and connected, and they are individually in a solid place, and she shares some of the key factors that allowed her to thrive and heal individually and in the marriage For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

23 Heinä 202130min

My Intentions Are Good But I Struggle to Consistently Follow Through

My Intentions Are Good But I Struggle to Consistently Follow Through

When people want to make changes in their lives, create new habits, routines or put systems in place, but it can be hard to be consistent! In this episode I share some strategies that can help you to be successful as you create habits and get them to stick, without needing willpower or superhuman discipline. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

16 Heinä 202129min

If Her Wall Stays Up Despite His Best Efforts

If Her Wall Stays Up Despite His Best Efforts

When a woman experiences betrayal in a relationship due to porn addiction, it’s normal for her wall to go up to protect herself.  Without there being safety or security in the relationship, she protects herself from continued hurt and being impacted by the addiction and dishonesty. Sometimes women aren’t quite sure how to let the wall down and what indicators she should look for, and despite his best efforts, it feels like the relationship hits a plateau and doesn’t know what to do. In this episode, I share one of the most brilliant insights from a client about how to open the door to healing and growth. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

8 Heinä 202128min

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