BONUS NVC, Walking Towards Conflict with Love | Maria Arpa and Bob Marshall

BONUS NVC, Walking Towards Conflict with Love | Maria Arpa and Bob Marshall

BONUS: NVC, Walking Towards Conflict with Love With Maria Arpa and Bob Marshall

In this BONUS episode, we explore Nonviolent Communication (NVC), a powerful tool that has changed how many people work and relate to family, friends, and colleagues. Maria Arpa, a previous guest on the podcast, and who studied directly under Marshall Rosenberg, the creator of NVC, shares her insights on this transformative practice. Joining us is Bob Marshall, an NVC advocate and practitioner who applies these principles in organizational settings.

Understanding the Foundation of Nonviolent Communication

"We have universal needs... what we try to distinguish is the need and the strategy I'm using to meet the need."

Nonviolent Communication is both a practical communication tool and a spiritual practice designed to help us connect more authentically with ourselves and others. Maria explains how NVC emerged from the work of Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, who studied under Carl Rogers, the developer of person-centered therapy. At its core, NVC represents a paradigm shift away from what Maria calls "domination culture" – a system built on hierarchy, punishment, and obedience to rules.

The dominant culture in which we live often relies on fear, guilt, and shame to motivate behavior. In contrast, NVC comes from the philosophy of nonviolence, encouraging people to be independent thinkers who make choices from their own internal compass. This approach recognizes that all people have the potential to manifest love, even in challenging situations.

The Power of Needs-Based Theory

"If I take a need for fairness or respect... how many ways are there to meet that need? And what if you believe you're meeting your need for fairness using whatever strategy you're using, and I believe that is impacting on my need for respect? We have a collision in strategies."

A fundamental aspect of NVC is needs-based theory. Maria explains that while we all share universal needs – from basic physical requirements like air and food to psychological needs like creativity, recognition, and fairness – conflicts arise not from the needs themselves but from the strategies we use to meet those needs.

This distinction between needs and strategies offers a powerful framework for resolving conflicts. When we understand that we're arguing over strategies, not the underlying needs, we can empathize with each other and explore different approaches that honor everyone's needs. As Maria advises, "Don't try to strategize until you understand all the needs on the table."

Breaking Free from the Debate Model

"The debate model of conversation is about one argument prevailing over all others... it's a terrible idea for when we want to meet as humans and have a conversation."

Maria highlights how our society has embraced the debate model of conversation, where one perspective must win over others. This approach, while potentially useful in controlled settings like scientific research, creates significant problems in human interactions. When operating in debate mode, we're focused on overpowering others or protecting ourselves from humiliation rather than genuinely connecting.

The dialogue roadmap that Maria developed offers an alternative to this debate model. It allows people to express themselves fully – to "empty out" everything they're carrying, even if it doesn't initially make coherent sense. This process helps people make sense of their experiences and move toward authentic dialogue rather than competitive debate.

NVC in Organizations: Addressing Collective Needs

"Needs are getting ignored in most organizations... it's not that we have shared needs and we debate about the strategies for getting those needs met."

Bob Marshall, an organizational psychotherapist, explains how NVC principles can transform workplace dynamics. He observes that many organizations operate through "fear, obligation, guilt, and shame" – what he calls "the four horsemen of the work apocalypse." These mechanisms are used to control behavior but create toxic environments that diminish both productivity and well-being.

By applying NVC in organizational settings, Bob helps collective entities recognize and address their needs. Many companies are unaware of their collective needs, and some cultures even shame people for acknowledging needs exist. Helping organizations understand their shared needs creates a foundation for healthier, more productive workplaces where people can thrive rather than merely survive.

In this segment, we refer to an episode with Michelle Pauk, where we explore the lessons from Foucault's Book Discipline and Punish, and to Manfred Max-Neef, a Chilean economist.

The Connection Before Correction Principle

"One of the most wonderful things is connection before correction."

Maria emphasizes the importance of building relationships before attempting to change behaviors or address problems. She suggests that our fast-paced world has created a situation where our emotional processing cannot keep up with the speed of our actions and decisions. We've become skilled at multitasking and meeting deadlines but haven't paid adequate attention to our emotional needs.

The result is that many people are emotionally "backed up" or "constipated" – unable to process their feelings in healthy ways. Maria's work involves slowing things down to create space for authentic connection and emotional integration. This approach doesn't sacrifice efficiency – as she notes, "We get more done with less resource once we've been through the tunnel."

Learning Directly from Marshall Rosenberg

"Marshall Rosenberg said, 'The people that are going to take this forward will have the right balance of compassionate understanding and political savvy.' And I just went, 'That's me.'"

Maria shares her personal journey with NVC, beginning with a chance encounter at her son's school that led her to attend a presentation by Marshall Rosenberg. She was immediately captivated by his approach, which answered questions she had been unable to resolve through other therapies and educational frameworks.

Her pivotal experience came in 2005 when she joined Rosenberg and others for a 15-day intensive in Switzerland focused on social change. This immersive experience transformed her understanding of communication and human connection. When she asked Rosenberg who would carry his work forward, his answer about needing both "compassionate understanding and political savvy" resonated deeply with her, setting her on a path to develop her own applications of NVC principles.

In this segment, we refer to the book The Surprising Purpose of Anger by Marshall Rosenberg.

About Maria Arpa and Bob Marshall

Maria Arpa is a facilitator, mediator, and trainer who describes her work as "walking towards conflict with love." She developed the Dialogue Road Map, a framework that builds on NVC principles to guide people out of debate-style conversations into authentic dialogue. Maria studied directly under Dr. Marshall Rosenberg and has applied NVC in various challenging contexts, including working with gang violence and facilitating dialogue between concentration camp survivors and a business that had purchased a former concentration camp site.

You can link with Maria Arpa on LinkedIn and follow Maria's work on her website.

Bob Marshall is an organizational psychotherapist who works with the collective psyche of organizations. He has been studying and practicing NVC for over 15 years, incorporating it into his work helping organizations understand and meet their collective needs. Bob believes in creating more joyful work environments and has dedicated his career to helping people have more pleasant experiences in the workplace.

Bob Marshall is the author of several books on organizational psychotherapy.

You can link with Bob Marshall on LinkedIn and follow Bob Marshall's blog.

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The Parade of Trades—Teaching Flow in Construction | Luca Cotta Ramusino

The Parade of Trades—Teaching Flow in Construction | Luca Cotta Ramusino

Agile in Construction: The Parade of Trades—Teaching Flow in Construction, With Luca Cotta Ramusino Read the full Show Notes and search through the world's largest audio library on Agile and Scrum directly on the Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast website: http://bit.ly/SMTP_ShowNotes. Luca learned the hard way that you can't just parachute consultants into construction sites and expect Lean methods to stick. His change strategy focuses on getting buy-in from crews by showing them "what's in it for them." He starts with exercises that provide insight into how Lean ideas apply to their specific jobs, like the "Parade of Trades" simulation that demonstrates how one crew moving at twice the speed still gets stuck behind slower crews ahead. This reveals that predictability of progress matters more than speed of progress. Once teams become familiar with these concepts, Luca transitions from directive teaching to facilitating meetings and conversations, moving into the background to help teams become more sustainable in their Lean practices. In this segment, Luca refers to the movie Karate Kid from 1984, and to Theory of Constraints. Self-reflection Question: How do you ensure that change initiatives show clear value to the people who must actually implement them? [The Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast Recommends] 🔥In the ruthless world of fintech, success isn't just about innovation—it's about coaching!🔥 Angela thought she was just there to coach a team. But now, she's caught in the middle of a corporate espionage drama that could make or break the future of digital banking. Can she help the team regain their mojo and outwit their rivals, or will the competition crush their ambitions? As alliances shift and the pressure builds, one thing becomes clear: this isn't just about the product—it's about the people. 🚨 Will Angela's coaching be enough? Find out in Shift: From Product to People—the gripping story of high-stakes innovation and corporate intrigue. Buy Now on Amazon [The Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast Recommends] About Luca Cotta Ramusino Luca is a passionate Lean advocate with roots in the construction industry, now guiding teams through agile transformation. He thrives on exploring uncharted territory, then helping clients navigate it with confidence. Ask him how Lean and agile methods can unlock your team's potential in today's fast-paced, ever-evolving work environment. You can link with Luca Cotta Ramusino on LinkedIn.

18 Kesä 13min

The Culture Shock of Applying Agile and Lean to Construction | Luca Cotta Ramusino

The Culture Shock of Applying Agile and Lean to Construction | Luca Cotta Ramusino

Agile in Construction: The Culture Shock of Applying Agile and Lean to Construction, With Luca Cotta Ramusino Read the full Show Notes and search through the world's largest audio library on Agile and Scrum directly on the Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast website: http://bit.ly/SMTP_ShowNotes. Luca experienced a culture shock when first applying Lean thinking to construction, struggling to see how methods designed for cars and assembly lines could work in one-off construction projects. However, he discovered that collaboration in construction isn't about boss relationships—it's about people coming together to deliver value from the customer's perspective. The key insight: when multiple contractors compete for their share of income, the real goal becomes finding ways to complete "the work" efficiently. Competition exists, but the ultimate focus must remain on delivering what the customer truly needs, not just what individual trades want to accomplish. In this segment, we refer to the concept of an Andon Cord, and Swarming from Lean. Featured Book of the Week: The Machine That Changed the World & The Toyota Way These two books provided Luca with his "aha!" moment in understanding Lean construction. The Toyota Way, available in both English and Italian (with additional Italian company case studies), initially created a culture shock as Luca struggled to apply automotive methods to construction's one-off projects. However, these books revealed how Lean thinking could transform construction through visual management to surface problems quickly and swarming practices to fix issues faster. The books taught him that Lean principles transcend industries when properly adapted to different contexts. The Machine That Changed The World, by Womack, Jones, and Roos. Self-reflection Question: What industry practices have you dismissed too quickly without considering how they might adapt to your unique context? [The Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast Recommends] 🔥In the ruthless world of fintech, success isn't just about innovation—it's about coaching!🔥 Angela thought she was just there to coach a team. But now, she's caught in the middle of a corporate espionage drama that could make or break the future of digital banking. Can she help the team regain their mojo and outwit their rivals, or will the competition crush their ambitions? As alliances shift and the pressure builds, one thing becomes clear: this isn't just about the product—it's about the people. 🚨 Will Angela's coaching be enough? Find out in Shift: From Product to People—the gripping story of high-stakes innovation and corporate intrigue. Buy Now on Amazon [The Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast Recommends] About Luca Cotta Ramusino Luca is a passionate Lean advocate with roots in the construction industry, now guiding teams through agile transformation. He thrives on exploring uncharted territory, then helping clients navigate it with confidence. Ask him how Lean and agile methods can unlock your team's potential in today's fast-paced, ever-evolving work environment. You can link with Luca Cotta Ramusino on LinkedIn.

17 Kesä 18min

Tackling the Specialist-silo Problem in Agile Construction | Luca Cotta Ramusino

Tackling the Specialist-silo Problem in Agile Construction | Luca Cotta Ramusino

Agile in Construction: Tackling the Specialist-silo Problem in Construction With Luca Cotta Ramusino Read the full Show Notes and search through the world's largest audio library on Agile and Scrum directly on the Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast website: http://bit.ly/SMTP_ShowNotes. Luca shares a critical insight from his 20+ years in construction: crews often obsess about the wrong problem. While everyone knows a drywall crew can hang drywall, the real challenge isn't about individual abilities—it's about having work ready to perform. Construction sites are messy, crowded environments where multiple trades work simultaneously, not in splendid isolation. Luca emphasizes that completing work depends not just on your crew's skills, but on having the area prepared and ready for your specific trade. He explains how he gains buy-in from tradespeople by showing them "what's in it for them" and helping them understand the difference between how they think they're working versus what's actually happening on site. Self-reflection Question: How often do you focus on your team's capabilities while overlooking whether the work is actually ready for them to execute? [The Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast Recommends] 🔥In the ruthless world of fintech, success isn't just about innovation—it's about coaching!🔥 Angela thought she was just there to coach a team. But now, she's caught in the middle of a corporate espionage drama that could make or break the future of digital banking. Can she help the team regain their mojo and outwit their rivals, or will the competition crush their ambitions? As alliances shift and the pressure builds, one thing becomes clear: this isn't just about the product—it's about the people. 🚨 Will Angela's coaching be enough? Find out in Shift: From Product to People—the gripping story of high-stakes innovation and corporate intrigue. Buy Now on Amazon [The Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast Recommends] About Luca Cotta Ramusino Luca is a passionate Lean advocate with roots in the construction industry, now guiding teams through agile transformation. He thrives on exploring uncharted territory, then helping clients navigate it with confidence. Ask him how Lean and agile methods can unlock your team's potential in today's fast-paced, ever-evolving work environment. You can link with Luca Cotta Ramusino on LinkedIn.

16 Kesä 15min

The Ghost Product Owner vs. The Storytelling Master | Stuart Tipples

The Ghost Product Owner vs. The Storytelling Master | Stuart Tipples

Stuart Tipples: The Ghost Product Owner vs. The Storytelling Master Read the full Show Notes and search through the world's largest audio library on Agile and Scrum directly on the Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast website: http://bit.ly/SMTP_ShowNotes. The Great Product Owner: The Storytelling Master Stuart describes an exceptional Product Owner who worked with an API team on what could have been a dry, unsexy product. This PO excelled by maintaining clear availability through established office hours, showing up consistently for the team, and avoiding micromanagement. The standout quality was their ability to tell compelling stories that created clarity and got the team onboard with the vision. Through storytelling, this PO helped the team communicate the value of their work, transforming a potentially mundane product into something meaningful and engaging for both the team and stakeholders. The Bad Product Owner: The Ghost with the Most Stuart encountered a problematic Product Owner working with a customer-portal team dealing with edge cases, legacy systems, and messy code. This PO earned the nickname "The Ghost with the Most" because they were never available when needed. They would miss sprint planning sessions, delay or skip backlog refinement entirely, and leave team members to fill the gap while juggling their own responsibilities. Stuart learned to address this directly by outlining how the PO's behavior affected the team and delivery, asking "Can I help you?" The PO initially reacted defensively but eventually admitted they weren't happy in the role. Self-reflection Question: How effectively does your Product Owner use storytelling to create clarity and help the team understand the value of their work? [Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast Recommends] 🚀 Global Agile Summit 2025 Join us in Tallinn, Estonia, from May 18th – 20th, 2025, for an event that will inspire, challenge, and equip you with real-world Agile success stories. 🌍 Connect with global Agile leaders. 💡 Learn practical strategies for impact. 🔥 Break free from Agile fatigue and become a Pragmatic Innovator Check Full Program [Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast Recommends] About Stuart Tipples Stuart is an Agilista, a coach, Scrum Master, agile delivery. A husband, Dog Dad, and as Star Wars nerd. Positive disruptor. Passionate about helping teams and individuals build and ship awesome products to their customers. Stuart also blogs at www.yourebelscrum.com You can link with Stuart Tipples on LinkedIn.

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Happy Teams Embrace Obstacles—Building Psychological Safety Through Retrospectives | Stuart Tipples

Happy Teams Embrace Obstacles—Building Psychological Safety Through Retrospectives | Stuart Tipples

Stuart Tipples: Defining Scrum Master Success and the 4L's Retrospective Read the full Show Notes and search through the world's largest audio library on Agile and Scrum directly on the Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast website: http://bit.ly/SMTP_ShowNotes. Stuart redefines success for Scrum Masters, moving beyond organized JIRA boards and well-structured stories to focus on team dynamics and behavior. True success means seeing healthy conflict that leads to insight, having transparent priorities, and watching teams call out their own behavior through self-checking mechanisms. Stuart emphasizes that happy teams aren't just content - they're energized by embracing obstacles and challenges. He stresses the importance of reinforcing great behaviors when you see them, creating an environment where teams can thrive independently. Featured Retrospective Format for the Week: 4L's The 4L's retrospective format is Stuart's favorite because it strikes the perfect balance between warmth and honest feedback. The format covers four areas: Liked (appreciation), Learned (growth opportunities), Lacked (identifying gaps), and Longed for (dreaming big). This structure prevents people from freezing up while uncovering golden moments and building psychological safety. As a bonus, the format allows facilitators to bring fun elements and themes, making retrospectives more engaging while maintaining their effectiveness in driving team improvement. Self-reflection Question: Does your team demonstrate healthy conflict that leads to insight, or are disagreements avoided and issues left unresolved? [Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast Recommends] 🚀 Global Agile Summit 2025 Join us in Tallinn, Estonia, from May 18th – 20th, 2025, for an event that will inspire, challenge, and equip you with real-world Agile success stories. 🌍 Connect with global Agile leaders. 💡 Learn practical strategies for impact. 🔥 Break free from Agile fatigue and become a Pragmatic Innovator Check Full Program [Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast Recommends] About Stuart Tipples Stuart is an Agilista, a coach, Scrum Master, agile delivery. A husband, Dog Dad, and as Star Wars nerd. Positive disruptor. Passionate about helping teams and individuals build and ship awesome products to their customers. Stuart also blogs at www.yourebelscrum.com You can link with Stuart Tipples on LinkedIn.

12 Kesä 14min

Leading Change Without Hierarchical Power | Stuart Tipples

Leading Change Without Hierarchical Power | Stuart Tipples

Stuart Tipples: Beyond Hierarchy—Influencing Agile Adoption Through Setting the Example and Community Read the full Show Notes and search through the world's largest audio library on Agile and Scrum directly on the Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast website: http://bit.ly/SMTP_ShowNotes. Stuart explores the challenging aspect of leading change as a Scrum Master without hierarchical authority. He shares his experience as a chapter lead where he built a community of practice and recruited new Scrum Masters to become change agents. The breakthrough came when he convinced director-level leaders to run their own quarterly retrospectives, creating a powerful example for teams throughout the organization. Stuart emphasizes that change spreads organically - when you change your team, it becomes contagious. His approach involved showing up daily as a change agent, understanding the difference between sponsors and change agents, and initially facilitating leadership retrospectives to demonstrate proper technique. Self-reflection Question: How can you leverage community building and lead by example to create lasting organizational change without relying on formal authority? [Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast Recommends] 🚀 Global Agile Summit 2025 Join us in Tallinn, Estonia, from May 18th – 20th, 2025, for an event that will inspire, challenge, and equip you with real-world Agile success stories. 🌍 Connect with global Agile leaders. 💡 Learn practical strategies for impact. 🔥 Break free from Agile fatigue and become a Pragmatic Innovator Check Full Program [Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast Recommends] About Stuart Tipples Stuart is an Agilista, a coach, Scrum Master, agile delivery. A husband, Dog Dad, and as Star Wars nerd. Positive disruptor. Passionate about helping teams and individuals build and ship awesome products to their customers. Stuart also blogs at www.yourebelscrum.com You can link with Stuart Tipples on LinkedIn.

11 Kesä 15min

Trust-Based Leadership and Team Implosion | Stuart Tipples

Trust-Based Leadership and Team Implosion | Stuart Tipples

Stuart Tipples: Silent Teams, Explosive Outcomes—Learning to Normalize Disagreement Read the full Show Notes and search through the world's largest audio library on Agile and Scrum directly on the Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast website: http://bit.ly/SMTP_ShowNotes. Stuart tells the story of a team he was brought in to coach that appeared functional on the surface but was struggling beneath. Despite being behind on critical work, the team maintained a facade of happiness while abandoning retrospectives and falling into hero culture patterns. The team had developed "toxic positivity" where members stayed silent about real issues, creating an environment without psychological safety. When problems finally surfaced, the team exploded into unpleasant disagreements. Stuart's key learning: teams usually stay silent until it's too late, making it crucial to foster psychological safety by normalizing disagreement and creating space for honest dialogue. Self-reflection Question: Is your team comfortable with healthy disagreement, or are you maintaining a facade of toxic positivity that prevents real issues from being addressed? Featured Book of the Week: Trust Based Leadership by Mike Ettore Trust Based Leadership by Mike Ettore stands out because it's devoid of corporate fluff and delivers a clear message from a former marine turned executive. Stuart recommends it because it focuses on the fundamental truth that if you don't build trust, you're just managing compliance. The book emphasizes leading with consistency, clarity, and courage, and encourages leaders not to wait for permission to make positive changes. It's a practical guide that moves beyond typical corporate leadership advice to address real-world leadership challenges. [Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast Recommends] 🚀 Global Agile Summit 2025 Join us in Tallinn, Estonia, from May 18th – 20th, 2025, for an event that will inspire, challenge, and equip you with real-world Agile success stories. 🌍 Connect with global Agile leaders. 💡 Learn practical strategies for impact. 🔥 Break free from Agile fatigue and become a Pragmatic Innovator Check Full Program [Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast Recommends] About Stuart Tipples Stuart is an Agilista, a coach, Scrum Master, agile delivery. A husband, Dog Dad, and as Star Wars nerd. Positive disruptor. Passionate about helping teams and individuals build and ship awesome products to their customers. Stuart also blogs at www.yourebelscrum.com You can link with Stuart Tipples on LinkedIn.

10 Kesä 17min

Breaking Free from Zombie Scrum | Stuart Tipples

Breaking Free from Zombie Scrum | Stuart Tipples

Stuart Tipples: From Zombie Scrum to Agile Thinking—Learning from a Failed Transformation Read the full Show Notes and search through the world's largest audio library on Agile and Scrum directly on the Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast website: http://bit.ly/SMTP_ShowNotes. Stuart shares a powerful story about joining a team that appeared to be thriving with Scrum ceremonies in place, only to discover they were performing "zombie scrum" - going through the motions without embracing agile thinking. The team functioned as a feature factory, never questioning requirements or truly collaborating. Stuart learned that agile isn't about what you do, but how you and the team think. He emphasizes that frameworks are just guardrails; the real focus must be on coaching people in agile values and principles. His key insight: know the rules before you break them, and remember that no amount of ceremony can rescue a team that lacks the agile mindset. Self-reflection Question: Are your team's agile ceremonies creating real value and fostering collaboration, or are you simply going through the motions of "performative theatre"? [Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast Recommends] 🚀 Global Agile Summit 2025 Join us in Tallinn, Estonia, from May 18th – 20th, 2025, for an event that will inspire, challenge, and equip you with real-world Agile success stories. 🌍 Connect with global Agile leaders. 💡 Learn practical strategies for impact. 🔥 Break free from Agile fatigue and become a Pragmatic Innovator Check Full Program [Scrum Master Toolbox Podcast Recommends] About Stuart Tipples Stuart is an Agilista, a coach, Scrum Master, agile delivery. A husband, Dog Dad, and as Star Wars nerd. Positive disruptor. Passionate about helping teams and individuals build and ship awesome products to their customers. Stuart also blogs at www.yourebelscrum.com You can link with Stuart Tipples on LinkedIn.

9 Kesä 15min

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