133 [S10 E5] The Mess and the Magic: from the good girl narrative to autistic self compassion

Dr Michelle McQuaid is a wellbeing researcher in her early 50s. She lives and works in Melbourne, Australia, where she is an honorary fellow at Melbourne University's Center for Wellbeing Science. Michelle was diagnosed autistic nearly ten years ago, after her then five year old son was diagnosed.

By then, Michelle's autistic brain had turned perfectionism into an all-consuming mission, and by 34 this relentless intensity ended in burnout. She had assumed a 'good girl' persona - perfect performance, constant people-pleasing, and protecting others at any cost - and, as she puts it, turning herself into "a human ATM of generosity".

For Michelle, an autism diagnosis wasn't just an explanation – it was liberation. Understanding her autistic brain helped her recognise that her patterns weren't personal failings, but the result of trying to force her neurodivergent brain into a neurotypical world. This realisation transformed how she navigates both her autism and the 'good girl' expectations, by uncovering evidence-based practices we can all use.

In this conversation we talk about burnout, masking and self-compassion. We explore the impact of societal expectations on autistic women, the concept of the 'good girl' and how Michelle learned to embrace her autistic traits and developed strategies for understanding her neurodiversity and practices that can transform the way we see ourselves and the lives we build.

Squarepeg is a podcast in which I talk to other late identified autistic women and nonbinary people about their lives, their autism journeys, and what they've learned along the way.

I'm Amy Richards, and I was diagnosed autistic in 2016, when I was 37. I've been sharing my conversations with other autistic adults since 2020.

I hope you'll find these conversations inspiring and thought provoking, and that they'll help you feel more connected to a worldwide community of people with similar experiences.

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EPISODE LINKS:

Good Girl resources: https://www.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com

Website: https://www.michellemcquaid.com/

The Perfectly Imperfect Little Girl: https://michellemcquaid.substack.com/p/buy-now-the-perfectly-imperfect-books

The Ordinary Princess: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ordinary-Princess-Puffin-Book/dp/0141361166

Character strengths: https://www.viacharacter.org/

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