"Just Tell Me What You Need Me To Do!" Resentment From Having to Remind or Delegate Responsibilities to Your Partner: Episode 238

"Just Tell Me What You Need Me To Do!" Resentment From Having to Remind or Delegate Responsibilities to Your Partner: Episode 238

Having frustrations and feelings of resentment over your roles and responsibilities is a common thing we hear. One parter is frustrated about not getting help, then the response they get is: "just tell me what you need me to do" OR "I'm happy to help, just tell me what" OR sometimes "it's your job, you stay at home, I work, so just get it done".

This is frustrating for both partners, and triggers defensivness and often a conflict. This is because:

  • For the partner having to remind: it feels like it's one person's responsibility to "own" the housework. It can feel like parenting your partner.
  • For the partner feeling blindsided: I just don't see those things, I wish you'd tell me before you get so frustrated, they feel like a lot of emotion comes at them suddenly.

In this episode you will hear the main sources of this dynamic and what you can do differently to get back on the same page and feeling supported and loved in the roles and responsibilities you choose.

Resources For Your Relationship:

Get $50 OFF The Live Couples Workshop which now you can attend from anywhere in the world, to enhance your communication skills together

Order our book, The Argument Hangover, and get over $200 of free bonus gifts (like the mini course and a 90 minute training)

Jaksot(436)

Why Some Partners Don't Follow-Through and How That Impacts a Marriage: Episode 436

Why Some Partners Don't Follow-Through and How That Impacts a Marriage: Episode 436

At our recent couples workshop, during a private conversation, a wife began crying as we described how broken follow-through slowly erodes trust in a marriage. Not because of one missed promise but be...

25 Helmi 40min

The 3 Islands of Marriage: Moving From Dysfunction or Function to Connection: Episode 435

The 3 Islands of Marriage: Moving From Dysfunction or Function to Connection: Episode 435

Which island is your marriage on right now? In this episode, we share a simple but eye-opening framework we call The 3 Islands of Marriage: Dysfunction, Function, and Connection. Marriage naturally mo...

18 Helmi 40min

Honesty vs Transparency: The Missing Piece to Feeling Fully Secure and Emotionally Safe: Episode 434

Honesty vs Transparency: The Missing Piece to Feeling Fully Secure and Emotionally Safe: Episode 434

Most couples believe trust is built by being honest—by not lying, not hiding anything major, and generally doing what you say you'll do. And while integrity absolutely matters, many couples are surpri...

10 Helmi 36min

How to Handle Stress So it Doesn't Negatively Impact Your Marriage: Episode 433

How to Handle Stress So it Doesn't Negatively Impact Your Marriage: Episode 433

Stress is unavoidable. Between the state of the world, work demands, parenting, and the pressure to keep everything running, most couples are carrying more than they realize. The problem isn't stress ...

3 Helmi 29min

Why Intimacy Can't Be Deepened Without Inner Healing with Stefanos Sifandos: Episode 432

Why Intimacy Can't Be Deepened Without Inner Healing with Stefanos Sifandos: Episode 432

So many couples are trying to fix intimacy by focusing on communication tools, date nights, or changing their partner's behavior—yet still feel disconnected. In this episode, we sit down with relation...

29 Tammi 46min

Resentment: How it Shows Up, Where it Stems From & How to Work Through it: Episode 431

Resentment: How it Shows Up, Where it Stems From & How to Work Through it: Episode 431

Resentment is one of those words people hesitate to claim because it sounds heavy, harsh, even a little scary. But the truth is, resentment doesn't usually start with big blowups or dramatic moments. ...

27 Tammi 37min

How to Stop Reacting to Each Other & Regulate Your Emotions Instead: Episode 430

How to Stop Reacting to Each Other & Regulate Your Emotions Instead: Episode 430

So many couples tell us the same thing lately: "We don't even feel like we're choosing to react—it just happens." It can be a tone, a look, or a comment that lands wrong. And suddenly you're respondin...

20 Tammi 26min

Debriefing a Moment that Could Have Escalated For Us, But Became a Healing Conversation: Episode 429

Debriefing a Moment that Could Have Escalated For Us, But Became a Healing Conversation: Episode 429

Sometimes it's not the big issues that unravel a marriage, it's the small, everyday moments that quietly stack up. A comment said with the wrong tone. A boundary expressed when stress is already high....

13 Tammi 38min

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