218: Lashing Out, Shutting Down: How to Help When She’s Triggered

218: Lashing Out, Shutting Down: How to Help When She’s Triggered

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome your pornography use?

Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornographyhttps://stopporn.info/

Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes?

Email me here:

sam@healingcouples.org

Episode show notes:

Even after months of progress, one small trigger can make everything feel like it’s falling apart — a look, a memory, a tone — and suddenly all the safety you’ve been building in your porn addiction recovery feels shaky again.

In this episode, I talk about what’s really happening in those moments when a porn trigger hits and your whole system goes into panic mode. I’ll help you understand why triggers don’t mean you’ve failed, and why they’re actually a normal part of the porn recovery process.

I’ll share the “Falling Tiles” analogy I use with clients to explain what’s going on beneath the surface, and how emotional safety, consistency, and small moments of follow-through are what create real freedom from pornography, not just temporary self-control.

We’ll cover:

  • Why triggers are a normal part of porn addiction recovery — not a setback
  • What happens in your brain and body when old fears resurface
  • How to rebuild emotional safety after a pornography trigger
  • Why trust sometimes collapses even when things are going well
  • How to help your partner feel safe again without convincing or defending

Whether you’re working to overcome porn addiction, heal from pornography use, or rebuild trust in your relationship, this episode will help you make sense of the ups and downs and show you how to find steady ground again — not through willpower, but through understanding, consistency, and connection.

Jaksot(218)

87. How to Properly Disclose a Relapse (and Avoid a Fight)

87. How to Properly Disclose a Relapse (and Avoid a Fight)

On the path to overcoming a pornography addiction, there are often slips and relapses, and those conversations are painful to have. There is a clear, three-step framework I teach to clients to actually make those conversations feel productive and provide some hope about moving forward together despite the recent slip.  In this episode I share with you exactly how to have that conversation, which can actually bring you closer together if it's done correctly. If it's not done correctly, it will increase the distance, mistrust, and hurt feelings so using this framework can help you navigate this tough situation. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

6 Huhti 202320min

86. 3 Ways To Improve Intimacy After Pornography Addiction

86. 3 Ways To Improve Intimacy After Pornography Addiction

Sexual intimacy is often times badly damaged after discovering a pornography addiction.  There are fears, feelings of inadequacy, triggers, and painful feeling that go along with intimacy as a result of pornography use. In this episode I'll share with you three ways you can improve your intimacy, how to handle triggers, and ways to have conversations together that actually are productive and bring some closure and reassurance. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

30 Maalis 202324min

85. 3 Tools to Overcome Feelings of Unworthiness

85. 3 Tools to Overcome Feelings of Unworthiness

When overcoming a pornography addiction, many men experience feelings of unworthiness or some version of feeling not good enough, failure, bad, or defective.  Very often, a wife will experience unworthiness and not feeling good enough as a result of her husband’s addiction. Overcoming feelings of unworthiness is such a critical part of the healing process for people because these painful emotions often lead to a relapse, which fuels more feelings of unworthiness. In this episode I deep dive into three specific strategies you can use to help change this negative belief so you can feel more confident, experience your value, feel good about yourself, and move forward without slips.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

23 Maalis 202327min

84. These Types of Boundaries Can Unintentionally Hurt Your Marriage

84. These Types of Boundaries Can Unintentionally Hurt Your Marriage

Creating boundaries in a marriage that's been affected by pornography addiction is a very common solution that offered.  I found that there are certain types of boundaries and the timing they are implemented can cause a detrimental effect on the health of a marriage unintentionally.  In this episode I share some principles to guide you as you are determining what boundaries to put in place and for how long you want them, and instead what to really be focusing on that get For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

9 Maalis 202328min

83. How to Identify the Root Cause of Your Pornography Addiction

83. How to Identify the Root Cause of Your Pornography Addiction

When a man struggles with a pornography addiction, identifying the root cause in resolving it on that level is the most effective way to help him change and overcome the addiction. Without knowing what’s driving the addiction, and addressing the underlying problems, all of the traditional responses or coping strategies, like exercise, journaling, mindfulness, etc. won’t help somebody heal on a deeper level. In this episode, I share with you the exact framework I use to help people identify their root cause issues so you can listen to this and know how to find your own and take the steps necessary to resolve them. I. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

3 Maalis 202324min

82. When She Feels Lots of Anger and Resentment

82. When She Feels Lots of Anger and Resentment

After there has been betrayal in a relationship due to a pornography addiction, it’s very common for a wife to experience a lot of anger and resentment.  There are 3 things that a husband can do to defuse and calm her anger in a way that helps her feel understood and comforted. In this episode, I share with you some powerful ways to approach the situation so a husband and wife can work together towards finding a resolution and ultimately healing their marriage and rebuilding trust.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

24 Helmi 202330min

81. 3 Tools to Bounce Back Effectively After a Relapse

81. 3 Tools to Bounce Back Effectively After a Relapse

Relapses can be extremely discouraging both for the husband who is trying to overcome pornography, addiction, and for his wife.  In this episode, I share three specific things that you can do as a husband after a relapse in order to get back on track, effectively reengage in the process, and ultimately become more successful in avoiding slips in the future.  For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

19 Helmi 202317min

80. How to Avoid Slipping From Stress Triggers

80. How to Avoid Slipping From Stress Triggers

Stress is a very common triggers for men to slip back into their pornography addiction.  The problem is that stress never goes away in life. So if you don't know how to process it differently, it's going to make it really hard to find freedom from pornography addiction if you've been using it to cope with stress. The new science on stress can help you avoid slips by understanding it and knowing how to approach it differently. Check out this episode where I share with you a different approach to dealing with your stress instead of deep breathing, counting to 10, or distracting yourself. For therapy with Sam: Send an email here to get more information – sam@healingcouples.org Join the free, private men’s Facebook community here for Q&As, live trainings, tools, and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/toolstoquit Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? 
Simply go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

9 Helmi 202320min

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