How to Feel More Secure in Your Relationship | LHS Classic E251

How to Feel More Secure in Your Relationship | LHS Classic E251

If you’ve ever questioned where you stand with your partner or second-guessed their love, this will help you feel more grounded, connected, and secure. This episode first aired on June 21, 2021 (Episode 251), and I’m bringing it back because so many of you said it hit home. Ever replayed a conversation, overread a text, or felt on edge when your partner seemed distracted even when nothing was “wrong”? That kind of relationship anxiety can keep you chasing reassurance. I’m joined by my colleague Georgi, a marriage and family therapist on our Growing Self team, to talk about why security can feel slippery and what it takes to build emotional safety that lasts. We look at how attachment injuries, big and small, quietly shape how you show up in love. Early experiences, broken trust, and even subtle disappointments can make connection feel risky and drive patterns like jealousy, anger, or withdrawal. Together, we talk about interrupting those cycles, hearing what your anxiety is trying to say, and inviting your partner into repair with curiosity rather than blame. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Introduction: Why It’s Hard to Feel Secure in Your Relationship 07:05 How Attachment Shapes Emotional Safety and Trust 10:40 When Insecurity Shows Up as Anger or Jealousy 18:50 What Fuels Insecurity: Attachment Injuries and Unmet Needs 26:25 Inviting Your Partner In and Re-building Connection 30:35 Responding With Empathy Instead of Defensiveness 35:40 The House Analogy: Re-building Trust Brick by Brick 37:15 Emotional Safety as the Core of a Healthy Relationship As you listen, notice what shows up for you. When anxiety spikes, what story starts running—and how do you usually respond? Do you shut down, reach for control, or start hunting for proof that you’re okay? Try pausing to ask what you truly need in that moment: comfort, reassurance, or a steadier sense of safety within yourself. If communication is adding to the tension, try my Communication that Connects Masterclass. It’s a simple way to step out of those conflict loops and have conversations that build understanding. It includes a workbook so you can practice right away! You might also like my How Healthy Is Your Relationship? quiz. It’s quick, gives you language for what’s happening, and points to where your relationship could use more care. Want ongoing support between episodes? Find me on Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube. I share fresh tools and encouragement to help you create the love, happiness, and success you deserve. If this episode sparked something, or an idea for a future topic, I’d love to hear from you. Let’s talk! xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self

Jaksot(467)

#352 - How to Help Someone Get Help

#352 - How to Help Someone Get Help

Wondering how you can help someone get help? You have the power to have a positive impact on the lives of the people you care about, and this episode will show you how. We all will be a concerned friend or family member at some point in our lives. And while none of us has the power to rescue others, fight their battles, or override their choices, we do have an important role to play in the lives of the people we care about: holding up a mirror that reflects what we see, with compassion and honesty. That is how you help someone get help, and today, I’m talking about the best way to do that. Join me! xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com P.S. — You can find more advice like this in our “personal growth” and “healthy relationships” collections of articles and podcasts. I hope you’ll check them out — they’re there for you.

5 Kesä 20231h 8min

#351 - Why You Need a Professional Development Plan

#351 - Why You Need a Professional Development Plan

Many people who are unhappy with their working lives are looking for answers. They see other people getting ahead and loving their work, and they wonder why they feel so stuck and unsatisfied. I can tell you that the missing ingredient is never some mysterious quality that makes some people shinier and more successful than others — although I know it can look that way from the outside. More often, the difference is pretty basic: Some people are skilled at professional development planning, and others aren’t yet.  In general, most of us don’t spend enough time planning our lives. We’re too frazzled by the endless to-do list they need to get through to ever zoom out and consider the big picture: Where do I want to be in ten years, and how exactly do I plan to get there? And, most important, how do the things I’m spending my time on every day fit into that plan? If you don’t have an answer to those questions yet, this episode is for you. I hope it inspires you to begin thinking about your own career vision and how you’ll bring it to fruition. My guest is Ronni M., a career coach and counselor on our team at Growing Self. She’s sharing her own career story, as well as the framework she uses to help people like you plan and create professional lives they love.  I hope you’ll join us.  Xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby P.S. — If you’d like more articles and podcasts on building your career, check out my “professional growth” collection of articles and podcasts.

29 Touko 20231h 5min

#350 - How to Deal with Regret

#350 - How to Deal with Regret

Knowing how to deal with regret helps you build a life that is authentic, ethical, and meaningful. Without regret, you wouldn’t have good information about who you are, what you need, and where you have opportunities to grow.  But if you don’t know how to deal with regret in a healthy way, it’s easy to become trapped in a vortex of guilt and shame that makes you feel hopeless, defeated, or irredeemably flawed. But it’s possible to create something positive out of regret, by transforming it into an opportunity to grow and evolve. This episode of the podcast is all about how you can do that. I hope it helps you find the opportunities in your regrets, and move forward with self-compassion and new wisdom.  Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com P.S. — For more advice on making friends with dark emotions like regret, check our “emotional wellness” collection of articles and podcasts.

22 Touko 20231h 7min

#349 - Signs Your Relationship Is Failing

#349 - Signs Your Relationship Is Failing

Was that just a nasty fight? Or a sign that your relationship is failing?  As a longtime marriage counselor, I know that it can be hard to spot the difference. Some forms of conflict are healthy and even beneficial for relationships, while others are a signal that your emotional bond is on the rocks. You can prevent a breakup or divorce and keep your connection healthy and strong by learning what a failing relationship really looks like — and what you should be doing right now if your relationship is in trouble.  I hope this episode arms you with all the info you need to make important decisions for your relationship. Join me! xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby P.S. — For more advice on navigating conflict in a way that helps your relationship grow, check out our “Communication that Connects” collection of articles and podcasts.

15 Touko 20231h 2min

#348 - How to Love Yourself

#348 - How to Love Yourself

We all hear “you have to love yourself first.” But what if you don't know how to love yourself?  This episode is all about authentic self love: What it really means, why having compassion and care for yourself matters so much, and how to love yourself even if (and especially if) you don't always feel like it. You are worthy of love and respect, and today's podcast will help you build your relationship... with yourself. With love and gratitude for the gift that is YOU,  xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby GrowingSelf.com P.S. — For even more support in creating a healthy, loving relationship with yourself, check out my “cultivating self-confidence” collection. You'll find articles and advice about confidence and self-esteem, plus podcast playlists I put together for you.

8 Touko 20231h 12min

#347 - How to Get Closure

#347 - How to Get Closure

Any kind of loss hurts, but the pain is prolonged when you don't know how to get closure and move forward. Unfortunately, closure isn’t something that anyone else can give to you. It’s also not something that just happens. It's an active process that creates healing, and restores your wellbeing. On this episode of the podcast, I’m talking about how you can do that. No matter what kind of loss you're currently dealing with, I hope the ideas I'm sharing today help you take the next step on your journey of healing. You deserve that.  xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby  GrowingSelf.com P.S. — If you’d like more articles and podcast playlists on this and related topics I invite you to browse my “Healing After Heartbreak”,  or "Emotional Wellness" collections.

1 Touko 20231h 4min

#346 - How to Deal with a Defensive Partner

#346 - How to Deal with a Defensive Partner

There are few things more frustrating than trying to figure out how to deal with a defensive partner. You just want them to understand how you feel and what you need, but they’re too busy defending themselves to truly listen.  Unfortunately, defensive reactions can make it difficult to have constructive conversations. Without good communication, the systems for resolving problems in relationships begin to break down — and that’s when your relationship gets in serious trouble. The good news: There are so many actionable strategies that work to create positive change in this dynamic. With new skills and a different perspective, you can overcome defensiveness and restore healthy communication. That's what you'll learn in today's episode! I hope you’ll join me.  With love,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com P.S. — For more advice on helping each other feel seen, heard, and understood, check out our “Communication that Connects” collection of articles and podcasts.

24 Huhti 20231h 8min

#345 - Gretchen Rubin On How to Be More Present

#345 - Gretchen Rubin On How to Be More Present

If you’re like most people, you're so often in your head that you feel disconnected from your life. When our minds are racing, or we're constantly distracted by, well, everything, we miss out on the best parts of our life, and our relationships. But: you can learn how to be more present, and it doesn't involve an hour a day on a meditation pillow. In fact, your senses are powerful tools for returning to the present moment and appreciating it fully, and this episode is all about how to use them. My guest is Gretchen Rubin, the author of several New York Times bestselling books on happiness and human nature and host of the “Happier with Gretchen Rubin” podcast. She is here to teach your what she learned about how to be more present, so you can learn how to get out of your head, and back into your life. I hope you’ll join us!   xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby GrowingSelf.com

17 Huhti 20231h 6min

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