How to Feel More Secure in Your Relationship | LHS Classic E251

How to Feel More Secure in Your Relationship | LHS Classic E251

If you’ve ever questioned where you stand with your partner or second-guessed their love, this will help you feel more grounded, connected, and secure. This episode first aired on June 21, 2021 (Episode 251), and I’m bringing it back because so many of you said it hit home. Ever replayed a conversation, overread a text, or felt on edge when your partner seemed distracted even when nothing was “wrong”? That kind of relationship anxiety can keep you chasing reassurance. I’m joined by my colleague Georgi, a marriage and family therapist on our Growing Self team, to talk about why security can feel slippery and what it takes to build emotional safety that lasts. We look at how attachment injuries, big and small, quietly shape how you show up in love. Early experiences, broken trust, and even subtle disappointments can make connection feel risky and drive patterns like jealousy, anger, or withdrawal. Together, we talk about interrupting those cycles, hearing what your anxiety is trying to say, and inviting your partner into repair with curiosity rather than blame. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Introduction: Why It’s Hard to Feel Secure in Your Relationship 07:05 How Attachment Shapes Emotional Safety and Trust 10:40 When Insecurity Shows Up as Anger or Jealousy 18:50 What Fuels Insecurity: Attachment Injuries and Unmet Needs 26:25 Inviting Your Partner In and Re-building Connection 30:35 Responding With Empathy Instead of Defensiveness 35:40 The House Analogy: Re-building Trust Brick by Brick 37:15 Emotional Safety as the Core of a Healthy Relationship As you listen, notice what shows up for you. When anxiety spikes, what story starts running—and how do you usually respond? Do you shut down, reach for control, or start hunting for proof that you’re okay? Try pausing to ask what you truly need in that moment: comfort, reassurance, or a steadier sense of safety within yourself. If communication is adding to the tension, try my Communication that Connects Masterclass. It’s a simple way to step out of those conflict loops and have conversations that build understanding. It includes a workbook so you can practice right away! You might also like my How Healthy Is Your Relationship? quiz. It’s quick, gives you language for what’s happening, and points to where your relationship could use more care. Want ongoing support between episodes? Find me on Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube. I share fresh tools and encouragement to help you create the love, happiness, and success you deserve. If this episode sparked something, or an idea for a future topic, I’d love to hear from you. Let’s talk! xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self

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#41 - 3 Essential Ingredients For a Great Marriage

#41 - 3 Essential Ingredients For a Great Marriage

Getting married is not about the ring or the clothes or the party. All that fades away. I can barely remember my own wedding. But the connection, love, and friendship I have with my husband is priceless beyond measure. My marriage is the foundation of my entire life. You deserve to have this too. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'll be sharing the three essential ingredients you need to create a lifetime of happiness together.  Listen now...

2 Kesä 201427min

#40 - Loose the Blues

#40 - Loose the Blues

Call it a funk, a rut, a rough-patch — there are just times when you just don’t feel like yourself. We all go through it. Maybe you’re more tired than usual, or crankier. Maybe you’re buzzing through your days with a low-grade ball of anxiety in the pit of your stomach, or feeling more negative and down on yourself than usual. Maybe you’re feeling more sensitive to slights, or feeling lonely — even when you're around people. You're not "Depressed with a capital D" but you just don't feel great.  What to do? How do you start to shake off the “Yuck” and reconnect with your sense of wellbeing? On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll teach you how to "Loose the Blues." Listen Now:

25 Touko 201421min

#39 - Considering Divorce? Or Is There Still Hope?

#39 - Considering Divorce? Or Is There Still Hope?

Having ambivalence about your relationship sometimes is completely normal.  You have a fight. Maybe a few fights. You go through a period where you both feel disconnected. Kids, jobs, cleaning bathrooms, the dandelions in the front lawn -- virtually everything seems like it's more of a priority than your marriage.  All relationships have ebbs and flows. Disconnection and reconnection is simply the experience of being in a long term relationship. But sometimes ... it is hard to reconnect. Particularly if toxic negativity begins to color your interactions. When attachment stretches thin and you can't remember the last time you laughed together, it's normal to wonder if you ever will again. When negative experiences with your partner start to outnumber the good ones, it's normal to wonder if you've arrived at the "end of the line."  Is Divorce the Solution?  Not necessarily. Feeling upset and scared about your marriage are exactly the feelings that prompt couples to start marriage counseling. Being unhappy with the situation creates the motivation that you need to do the difficult work of growing back together again. And in my experience, when couples have a will to repair the relationship there is always a way. But sometimes, people begin to fantasize about divorce. They don't know how to resolve their relationship problems, and divorcing feels like the only solution. When divorce starts to feel like the glowing, open door to freedom and happiness -- your relationship is in trouble. And of course, I understand there are situations where you may not have a choice: Your partner unilaterally moves towards the door, or perhaps there are such unhealthy and toxic things going on in a marriage that divorcing is genuinely the only reasonable option.  Let's Get Real. If you are toeing up to the edge of this precipice, or perhaps already starting to go through the searing process of taking a marriage apart: This podcast is for you.  On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm speaking with Pro Divorce Mediator Denisa Tova about things to think about if you're on the fence about divorcing, and also practical strategies for creating the best possible outcomes if you decide to move forward with divorce. Main Points: 1) How to tell the difference between "solvable problems" between you and your partner, and situations where divorce is really the best choice. 2) The mindset you need to foster to create a healthy divorce experience. 3) Practical strategies for how to have a civilized, collaborative divorce instead of an ugly, angry one.  Listen Now:

19 Touko 201444min

#38 - Does Everyone Think You're Amazing... Except You?

#38 - Does Everyone Think You're Amazing... Except You?

Are you a superstar in the eyes of others? Do you work hard, do amazing things, and seem to have it all?  And yet.... walk daily with this gnawing sense that you are failing?  You just want to be happy. You hope that the "next thing" will bring happiness. But it always feels like you’re not doing enough, you’ve missed an opportunity, or that you're not achieving your goals. All your successes are not enough to prop up your self-esteem. You may even worry that these "failures" are due to your own short comings.  Here's the deal: Ambition is widely regarded as being a positive force in our lives. But ambition becomes a problem when it is rooted in fear, and a belief that links happiness to achievement. On today's edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'll help you understand how to get off the never-ending treadmill of "More" -- and start appreciating how amazing you actually are. Listen Now. (Music Credits: “The Gummi Bears of Failure," by Paneye.)

12 Touko 201435min

#37 - Mindfulness, For People Who Hate To Meditate

#37 - Mindfulness, For People Who Hate To Meditate

Do you hate to meditate? Does the idea of sitting on a little pillow with your eyes shut, sweeping stray thoughts out of your head over and over again, make you feel antsy?  Me too.  And yet, Mindfulness - the art of being present -- is the key to a happy and healthy life.  You don't have to meditate in order to practice mindfulness.  In fact, you can be more connected with the present moment all of the time. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm teaching you how! You'll learn easy, concrete tools to be more mindful. You'll also learn how to use the skill of mindfulness to feel more calm, happier, more productive, and have better relationships with others. And if your busy mind is keeping you awake, be sure to download the Free Bonus Sleeping Meditations I mentioned on the show, at www.drlisabobby.com/sleep. ---- Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a Marriage Counselor, Life Coach and Psychologist. Learn more about her private practice at www.growingself.com, and follow her blog at www.drlisabobby.com.

5 Touko 201443min

#36 - Fall Asleep, Stay Asleep

#36 - Fall Asleep, Stay Asleep

Few things are more frustrating than being exhausted, but unable to sleep. And it's hard to be happy when sleep is a stranger. Not getting enough sleep makes it hard to  think straight. It makes us irritable and more prone to anxiety and depression. Sleep is kind of a big deal. So on this this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we're going to tackle insomnia and wrestle it into unconsciousness. You'll learn everything you need to know about how to get more sleep and better sleep. I'll teach you easy Cognitive-Behavioral tricks you can use to fall asleep faster, stay asleep longer, and wake up feeling refreshed and ready to go.  I've even created some special bonus items for you. Once you're done learning about how to Fall Asleep and Stay Asleep, you can go to my website: www.drlisabobby.com/sleep to download some free relaxation recordings I made just for you. Think of them as an "auditory sleeping pill." Just don't listen while operating heavy machinery! :) -- Lisa

28 Huhti 201445min

#35 - Finding Common Ground

#35 - Finding Common Ground

Have you ever worried that you and your partner are just too different?  If so, you're not alone. In fact, all couples need to find common ground around their differences. It's simply the relationship experience: We're not married to ourselves. We're with someone who is a unique individual with their own needs, feelings, hopes and dreams -- many of which may be different from our own.  That's not just okay, it's completely normal. Where couples run into trouble is when they get "polarized," or entrenched in extreme positions on an issue. Things become black and white, and power struggles or arguments ensue.  On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll be showing you the way back to connection.

21 Huhti 20141h 4min

#34 - Conquer Depression in Three Simple Steps

#34 - Conquer Depression in Three Simple Steps

On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll teach you a sequence of three simple steps that will help you fight Depression and lift your mood. If you've been feeling down, stressed or worried lately this podcast will help you shift your perspective, and start feeling better fast. But even if you are in a good place today I hope you still listen. Learning these key skills – particularly when you're already feeling solid – will help you stay even keeled no matter what life throws at you.

7 Huhti 20141h 2min

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