I'm Gonna Beat Jesus

I'm Gonna Beat Jesus

You've seen it on TikTok: a wild theory connecting a sacred mountain in the Middle East, fallen angels, the Roswell crash, and the number 33. Welcome to the Mount Hermon conspiracy, the belief that a supernatural coordinate system, the 33rd parallel, serves as a global energy grid for aliens and angels alike. It’s a theory so powerful that it supposedly dictates everything from ancient history to modern warfare.

So, is the Earth a giant D20 crisscrossed with energy lines? Scott and Tristan (armed with sangria and cream ale) dive into the numbers. They use some good old-fashioned math, statistical analysis, and a lesson on how latitude and longitude actually work to show why this "worldwide grid" has a tolerance for error so wide you could fly a V-2 rocket through it. Then, they get into the real history of Mount Hermon, a site sacred to countless cultures long before anyone wrote about "Watchers," and explore how apocalyptic literature from 200 BCE is being twisted to serve a new narrative.

But this isn't just about debunking bad math. The hosts connect the dots from TikTok brainrot to the very real, very dangerous world of geopolitics, revealing how these conspiracies are weaponized to justify white nationalism and settler colonial projects in active war zones today.

Stuff mentioned in the episode:

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Tristan Johnson Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube

Scott Niswander Bluesky | Twitter | YouTube

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Music by Rod Kim | Cover art by Skutch

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