Men, Sex & Aging: How to Ditch Performance and Find Real Intimacy | Ep. 125

Men, sex, and aging without the macho script. I sit down with Dr. Chris Donaghue—clinical sexologist, therapist, and host of Loveline—to unpack masculinity, libido, and connection in midlife. We dig into why “being a man” often blocks intimacy, how to get out of performance mode, and what it takes to be a better partner after 50.

We talk practical dating resets, equity vs. equality on first dates, why vibrators shouldn’t threaten anyone, and how to build a personal “relational mission statement.” If you’re newly single or just ready to evolve, this episode gives you a clear path back into your body, your values, and real intimacy.

Timestamps:

00:00 Intro: Men, sex, and aging without the script

01:12 Meet Dr. Chris Donaghue & why masculinity needs a reset

03:08 “Disidentifying” from gender roles to become a better partner

05:02 Getting back into your body vs. performing intimacy

06:45 Values, ethics, and your relational mission statement

08:36 America’s performance culture and its impact on love

10:10 Dating mindset: “The person you date is in your care”

12:04 Childhood socialization: boys vs. girls and empathy gaps

14:06 Rewriting the “strong man” expectation with softness

15:32 Who pays? Equality vs. equity on first dates

17:34 The confusion men feel: strong vs. vulnerable on demand

19:02 Emotional literacy: what men are “allowed” to feel

20:05 Sex talk: scripts, vibrators, and de-centering orgasm

22:11 How to date Karen: knowledge gaps, boundaries, and media

23:40 Public work ≠ no boundaries: consent and respect

25:02 “What are you working on?”—owning your growth

26:36 Therapy vs. “I coached myself”: why guidance matters

28:05 Practical first steps for newly single men

29:40 Libido as life energy: bringing passion back

31:02 Best sex isn’t performance—it’s connection

31:55 Wrap up + where to find Dr. Donaghue

Want a deeper look? Watch the full episode on YouTube for a more visual experience of today’s discussion. This episode is best enjoyed on video—don’t miss out!

Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Menopause Coach, tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. We explore the intricacies of sex during perimenopause, post-menopause, and andropause, offering insights and support for all those experiencing these transformative phases.

This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider.

Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here:

Email: karen@taboototruth.com

Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast

About the Guest:

Dr. Chris Donaghue is a psychotherapist specializing in couples and sex therapy, with a private practice in addition to his work as a lecturer and educator. He serves as the Director of Clinical Education for The Sexual Health Alliance and is the Dean of Education and lead faculty for The Institute at The Sexual Health Alliance’s doctoral program. He also chairs the organization’s Annual Sexological Conference.

Dr. Donaghue is the author of Rebel Love and Sex Outside the Lines: Authentic Sexuality in a Sexually Dysfunctional Culture, and has contributed chapters to several books, including The Sex Issue by the editors of Goop.

Connect with Dr. Chris Donaghue:

Website: https://www.drchrisdonaghue.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdonaghue

Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Menopause Coach, tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. We explore the intricacies of sex during perimenopause, post-menopause, and andropause, offering insights and support for all those experiencing these transformative phases.

This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider.

Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here:

Email: karen@taboototruth.com

Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast

Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com

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