Can I Be a Good Parent if I Have BPD?

Is it possible to be a good parent when you have Borderline Personality Disorder?

Parenthood is hard enough, but what happens when you add Borderline Personality Disorder into the mix?

We unpack what the research really says about parenting with BPD, from emotional dysregulation, shame, and attachment challenges, to the incredible empathy, protectiveness, and determination many parents with BPD bring to their families.

Trigger Warning: This episode contains a frank discussion of addiction, substance abuse, and other sensitive topics. Listener discretion is advised.

🌱 Have questions, stories, or something you’d like us to cover? We’d love to hear from you. Email us at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠bpddiariespodcast@gmail.com ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and let’s keep the conversation going.

🎧 Looking for meditations made for emotional regulation, BPD, and more? Check out Empowered Heroes Meditations on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify.

If you’d like more support in your journey toward BPD recovery, Steff offers 1:1 sessions using evidence-based tools from DBT and Mindfulness to help you heal. Email for a free 30-Minute Consultation:

📩 steff@bpdsupport.org or check out the website: www.bpdsupport.org

📚 Referenced Research Includes:

Barnow, S., Spitzer, C., Grabe, H. J., Kessler, C., & Freyberger, H. J. (2006). Individual characteristics, familial experience, and psychopathology in children of mothers with borderline personality disorder. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 45(8), 965-972. https://doi.org/10.1097/01.chi.0000222790.41853.b9

Eyden, J., Winsper, C., Wolke, D., Broome, M. R., & MacCallum, F. (2016). A systematic review of the parenting and outcomes experienced by offspring of mothers with borderline personality pathology: Potential mechanisms and clinical implications. Clinical psychology review, 47, 85-105. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2016.04.002

Fonagy, P., Luyten, P., & Strathearn, L. (2011). Borderline personality disorder, mentalization, and the neurobiology of attachment. Infant mental health journal, 32(1), 47-69. https://doi.org/10.1002/imhj.20283

Kasiviswanathan, K., Lee, J., Rao, S. et al. (2025). Navigating parenthood in people living with borderline personality disorder: a meta-ethnography. bord personal disord emot dysregul 12, 22 https://doi.org/10.1186/s40479-025-00291-6

Lumsden, V., Kerr, S., & Feigenbaum, J. (2018). ‘It makes me not worthy to be a father from time to time’: the experiences of fathers with a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. Journal of Family Studies, 24(2), 109-125.https://doi.org/10.1080/13229400.2015.1108859

Newman, L. K., Stevenson, C. S., Bergman, L. R., & Boyce, P. (2007). Borderline personality disorder, mother–infant interaction and parenting perceptions: preliminary findings. Australian & New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry, 41(7), 598-605. https://doi.org/10.1080/00048670701392833

Nijssens, L., Luyten, P., & Bales, D. L. (2013). Mentalization-based treatment for parents (MBT-P) with borderline personality disorder and their infants. In Minding the child (pp. 79-97). Routledge.

Petfield, L., Startup, H., Droscher, H., & Cartwright-Hatton, S. (2015). Parenting in mothers with borderline personality disorder and impact on child outcomes. BMJ Ment Health, 18(3), 67-75. https://doi.org/10.1136/eb-2015-102163

Stepp, S. D., Whalen, D. J., Pilkonis, P. A., Hipwell, A. E., & Levine, M. D. (2012). Children of mothers with borderline personality disorder: identifying parenting behaviors as potential targets for intervention. Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment, 3(1), 76. doi:10.1037/a0023081.

https://belongingnetwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Belonging-Network_Trauma_informed_parenting_guide.pdf

https://nes.scot.nhs.uk/media/lonfkldb/its-all-about-relationships-trauma-informed-care-and-nes-parenting-sept-2024.pdf

https://www.oneeducation.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/09/Chapter-2.3-Attachment-and-trauma-aware-approaches.pdf