Episode 14: Lesbian Bed Death: "Myth, Reality or Just Bad Scheduling"

Dateable AF

The Dateable AF podcast is hosted by Dr. Sarah Kyle and Rachel Howell.

Producer: Jordan Cannon

Theme Song: Cade Kyle

Cover Photo: Mackenzie Mowat

Dateable AF is a podcast about all things lesbian dating—or queer dating—or women-who-date-women dating. Whatever letter you vibe with, if you're a woman who dates women, this one's for you.

Hosted by two longtime friends, this show dives into the wild, wonderful, and often WTF world of dating women—with honesty, humor, and zero shame. Expect smart takes, relatable stories, and the occasional U-Haul reference.

Datable AF — E14

Lesbian Bed Death: Myth, Reality, or Just Bad Scheduling?

“Lesbian bed death” gets a rethink. Sarah (therapist) and Rachel (researcher) trace the term to an ‘80s, heteronormative study and offer a better frame: lesbian bed intimacies—expanding sex beyond “how often” to pleasure, variety, and connection.

They unpack what research and real life show: frequency dips over time for all couples, but many women–women pairs report higher satisfaction, more variety/romance, and longer encounters. They also name the blockers—body image and shame, past unwanted experiences, stress, illness, menopause, careers, and caregiving.

Practical takeaways for dating and long-term love: define what counts as sex (be honest if you’re seeing others), treat sexual health as shared, and talk early/often about turn-ons, turn-offs, and fantasies. Intimacy can be a slow-burn cuddle night or “just the destination”—both valid.

They also normalize scheduling sex (“let’s get naked and see what happens”) to create space for desire. Feeling like roommates? Try surprise romance, brave bids of desire, a gentle plan for handling “not tonight,” revisiting what turns you on now, and—when stuck—therapy.

Next up: E15 — Is She a Fun Drunk… or a Red Flag? Substance use, sobriety, and early signals to save you heartache.

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