Social Skills Coaching

In the face of trauma and conflict, some people respond with anger, some respond by fleeing . . . and some, like Person A, respond with a flood of appeasing, soothing, and conciliatory behavior. “Fight or flight” is an option for some people, but for those with a history of trauma, another option when faced with threat is to go into fawning mode and try to make it all better.Picture an animal defensively rolling onto its back, trying to appear as meek and agreeable as possible so that it’s spared by a powerful predator. Fawning is an attempt to fly under the radar rather than engage in conflict. It’s a way of deflecting attention.In a crisis or disagreement, is your first instinct to soothe, calm, or please others?Do you do anything to avoid conflict—even if that means ignoring your own needs?In a stressful interaction, is your focus on other people’s emotions?Fawning behavior is actually a kind of trauma response. This behavior, in other words, is something you might have learned in childhood, where “rolling over” this way was the only thing that helped you survive conflict.Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#Fawning #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #StandUpForYourself #Trauma #DefenseMechanism #Conflict

22 Marras 202213min

• To rewrite our negative thought patterns, We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”• We can use the ABCDE acronym (activating event, belief, consequence, disputation, and new event) and explore the stories we’re telling in a thought journal. We can decide whether a new alternative is a good one according to its accuracy, helpfulness, and congruence with our values. • Once you’ve identified your current thoughts, ask if there’s a different way to think about things, and how you can bring that idea to life with concrete action. Seek out evidence for a new belief, practice self-compassion, and go into learning mode, asking questions instead of making statements. • Negativity can be relieved by shifting perspectives and creating psychological distance. Remember that pessimism, negativity, and gloomy nihilism are all coping mechanisms and once served a purpose. But right now, we can choose to cope with adversity in different, healthier ways (and there always will be adversity!) • Create spatial, temporal, and psychological distance from distressing thoughts, ask what others might do in our situation (role-switching), and turn your mind to concrete action instead of asking why. Focus on a small, concrete detail in the present and ask what you can do. Avoid identifying problems without seeking solutions—i.e., complaining! • When we are stuck in intense emotions, we can try the ACT technique of defusion. Imagine that your Mind is something separate from you and that you can watch it. • Remember that you are not your thoughts; you are just having thoughts. Make your thoughts earn their keep! #ABCDE #ACT #Negativity #StopNegativeThinking #AnalyzeThyself:TheABCMethodAndThoughtJournals #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #ThoughtJournals #ABCMethod

15 Marras 20221h 1min

• Reading literature may actually make you a more empathic human being. It can reduce bias and prejudice and literally change your brain physiology. The key is in the ability to switch perspectives.• Choose literary fiction, preferably written in first person. Try authors who are different from yourself, or books about characters that are unlike yourself.• Read actively and engage with the story. Pause to ask questions to investigate the character’s point of view, switching perspectives and exploring motivations and desires. Ask yourself, “What does the human experience feel like for this specific human? Why?” Instead of asking how you would feel in their shoes, ask how they feel in their shoes. However, be discerning about what kind of perspectives you delve into!• Another way to build empathy is to create “emotional literacy.” Emotional literacy is the ability to identify and verbalize complex emotions. It is an act of self-awareness. With greater emotional identification and awareness comes more clarity, insight, and mastery—and better empathy. • The emotion wheel is a helpful tool that helps you develop increased self-awareness, empathic mastery, and precision when it comes to emotions. It outlines shades and nuances of the eight primary emotions: sadness, anger, disgust, joy, trust, fear, surprise, and anticipation.• We can use the emotion wheel both to identify and explore our own emotions and to identify and empathize with the emotions of others. To empathize with others’ emotions, pause to become aware, notice their body language, then identify a primary emotion on the emotion wheel. Keep asking questions, making observations, or offering emotion labels to home in on exactly what they’re feeling. Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#HowToDiscoverAndFlexYourEmpathyMuscles #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ImproveYourPeopleSkills

8 Marras 202248min

• Over-giving stemming from fear of rejection is not genuine generosity. Break the cycle by changing the core belief: “I cannot survive rejection.” Instead, court rejection deliberately and teach yourself that it doesn’t define you. Challenge your narratives with self-compassion, and focus on process, not outcome.Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#AreYouGenerous?OrJustAfraidOfRejection? #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ImproveYourPeopleSkills

1 Marras 202218min

• How you think creates your life; negativity poisons everything in your world. • Changing negativity requires a degree of metacognition (thinking about thinking) and a leap of faith to do something that hasn’t been done before. Anyone can change their thought patterns; it requires only honest awareness and a willingness to take conscious and inspired action.• Our mental shortcuts, assumptions, biases, and stereotypes are great at saving time and effort, but are not one hundred percent accurate one hundred percent of the time. The “all-or-nothing” disease is when we overextrapolate from one experience to other experiences we haven’t had; we are making an error.• Words have power, and our speech reflects our thought patterns. “Out of power” language is passive, self-victimizing, doubtful, angry, unconfident, fearful, excuse-making, or pessimistic, and can create a self-fulfilling prophesy. • Become aware of your internal verbal habits. Then focus on what can be done, embrace nuance and shades of gray, and speak to yourself like you would a loved one. • A cognitive distortion is a persistently incorrect belief, perception, or thought—for example, mental filtering, personalization, jumping to conclusions, mind-reading, catastrophizing, and using “should” statements and labels. • Positive thinking is not just the absence of distortions, but thinking that helps you feel calm, hopeful, curious, grateful, stable, and confident.• To challenge your inner critic, commit to not allowing your thoughts to dominate you. Gain psychological distance by labeling the thoughts as thoughts, not reality, and have self-compassion. • Change happens outside your comfort zone, so realize that at some point, you’ll need to take the leap and try something new.#InternalDialogue #Self-Talk #NickTrenton #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #StopNegativeThinking

25 Loka 202250min

• Empathy is about the ability to take another person’s perspective. It is similar to “theory of mind,” which is the human capacity to understand another person’s state of mind and comprehend that it is totally different from our own. Empathy is not only theory of mind but “theory of heart”—to feel other people’s emotions—and it’s hardwired into our brains and bodies.• Empathy is not about any particular situation, but about a unique individual’s perspective on that situation.• Though it is an innate human ability, it is in decline. We need to consciously cultivate and develop empathy. • There are three kinds of empathy: Cognitive empathy is empathy based on knowing or understanding what someone else is going through, on an intellectual level.• Emotional empathy is the ability to actually share and take some part in the emotional experience of another person.• With compassionate empathy, we put our feelings of understanding and sympathy to good use. We try to resolve problems, remove burdens, or inspire insights that will help progress the situation.• In an empathic interaction, move from cognitive to emotional to compassionate empathy. • Sympathy is like seeing someone is in a hole, but standing on the outside looking in with concern. Empathy is like getting down into the hole and relating to the person side by side, with them. • Too little empathy is a problem, but so is too much. Becoming overwhelmed in another person’s world means we lose perspective—as well as the ability to be of any practical help to them. Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#CompassionateEmpathy #Empathy #Sympathy #UnderstandingEmpathyAndWhyWeNeedIt #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching

18 Loka 202232min

• People-pleasing is a complex learned behavior, but it can be understood and changed. One of the most common underlying causes is the need to be liked.• We can counter this mindset by remembering we are like inkblots (i.e., what people see is about them, not about you) and understanding that your worth does not come from other people’s approval.• When you untangle yourself from other people’s opinions and judgments, you free yourself to ask what YOU want, what you care about, and what you value. The “separation of tasks” exercise helps you to tease apart your responsibilities from other peoples’—their feelings are not your business.Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#SerenityPrayer #PeoplePleaser #RogerCovin #TheNeedToBeLiked #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #StandUpForYourself

11 Loka 202218min

• To this end, we come to the concept of active listening. It’s a way to participate in conversations while being on the receiving end. Most might think that receiving simply means sitting quietly, but that’s a huge mistake. There are nine types of active listening responses we cover, to be used when trying to connect deeply with someone: comprehending, retaining, responding, restating, reflecting, summarizing, labeling emotions, probing with leading questions, and silence.• Oversharing may seem like something to avoid, but there is plenty of research to suggest that honestly opening up to others actually makes them like and trust us more. You’ll distinguish yourself from the automatic stereotypes by giving specific details about yourself, and make your life seem more interesting and compelling.• We can divulge both by revealing additional information or by confessing to how we feel, sharing a story or revealing something unexpected about ourselves. People bond over emotional identification, so don’t worry about appearing weak or vulnerable—divulging will actually encourage others to do the same and foster good rapport.• When we engage with others, a golden rule of engagement is to focus on finding similarity and creating a sense of a shared experience and familiarity.Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting#AutomaticStereotypes #EmotionalIdentification #GoodRapport #Oversharing #NineTypesOfActiveListeningResponses #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ImproveYourPeopleSkills

4 Loka 202255min