Why People Have Sex

Freja here: Steve and I wanted to open a dialogue and INVITE you to share with us your own stories of sexual connection. What are some of the reasons you have, or have HAD sex in the past that are not just be because you're trying to alleviate libido or strong desire, which is what we tend to imagine is the reason for doing it.

What we find upon examining things deeper is that sexual desire is actually a far smaller player than many of the other factors and reasons for doing it.

Why is this important? SO MUCH of our lives and happiness is consumed with sexuality. Trying to get it, wanting more or less than a partner... and the wheres, the whys and the how.... and so much of our suffering is due to placing conditions on sexual activity. Early on in relationships we're often happy to be delusional, later on we start to become critical. "I want sex, but I only want it with one person, and I want that one person to find me irresistibly sexy and to desire me so much that they just can't help themselves, and are already aroused when we begin." "I want a certain kind of sex because that kind of sex makes me believe I am still desirable, when I look in the mirror and suspect I'm not" "I want it a certain number of times per week and will get very unpleasant if it falls short of that" "I want this activity and that activity and for it to look a certain way"

Furthermore, there can be darker dynamics of coercion and manipulation. Are you demanding sex from someone because you want to feel okay? Are you saying yes to sex just to shut someone up, or to avoid negative repercussions or abuse?

I would love to hear your stories, you can write in to us at frejasteve@gmail.com or send in an mp3 of your story or drop a message here: https://anchor.fm/frejasteve/message

I for one know that I had a tremendous amount of sex in my 20s that I did not want, because I feared the repercussions of saying no and will share some stories, as well as some RECENT stories of what happens when someone feels rejected, there can be very real consequences to saying no to unwanted advances.

The point of these stories is to invite more self awareness and ultimately, the chance to feel better, communicate better and have more authentic relating. We love sex, and are prosex, pro kink and pro consent.

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