Where in the World Is Abby Lee Miller?

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"We have one of the wilder episodes of Dance Moms that I've seen in a minute. Thank god it wasn't with us!" That's practically underselling how weird it is that Abby is just inexplicably missing for most of the episode. I mean considering the excuse she gives for her absence in "Hello Hollywood, Goodbye Abby" doesn't really explain her absence at all and the girls only had three days to prepare for their first LA competition, it's got to be one of the weirdest episodes at the very least.

The episode kicks off proper with a conundrum for Abby: Without her LA studio ready to go the ALDC must rent out studio space to practice. But uh-oh, the only spot available is currently in use by the Rage Dance Company and Abby is to afraid to even be seen with them. So the ALDC goes it alone as abby hides out in her car for the first of many retreats. The RDC pulls out all the stops, which worries the moms as Abby has prepared a group number that feels very safe and very un-LA by comparison. But Abby has more important issues to attend to, like getting the girls auditions and then helping them fumble them by both causing a scene in the parking lot and insulting Nia at the audition itself! Holly is quite fed up, but not enough it seems as none of the other moms back her up. It's beginning to dawn on Holly that she is the new Christi and Abby's torturous ways are only going to get worse.

Meanwhile making no progress with the team is JoJo, who while not an official team member was still expected to come out to LA and just, what, stand there? Abby instructs Gia not to let Jojo perform in the group number, and then take sit a step further and bars her from auditioning. Jess steals Kalani's sides for the role to encourage Jojo to audition, but when word gets back to the other moms it devolves into a shouting match. If that wasn't enough it's clear Production keeps pushing JoJo to push Abby's buttons in order to make it on the team, which makes her an easy target for continued ridicule.

Will the ALDC be able to make a strong first impression in LA, or will Abby's tirades trip them at the starting line? Is water wet?

Quotes

• “Are you drinking anything? No, just Diet Coke. Why? I dunno, cause I'm not a drunk! Shut up! All evidence to the contrary Kelly Hyland!" (15:28-15:41 | Christi & Kelly)
• “I cannot believe how many shots we had of Abby eating various things in her car." (17:25-17:30 | Christi)
• “We're not in Pittsburgh anymore, welcome to Los Angeles. We're not in Kansas anymore Dorothy, get your ass out of the car!" (26:36-26:41 | Christi & Kelly)
• “Now off camera we're going to have what might be one of dumber fights that they didn't air. Actually it's so dumb I'm shocked they didn't air it." (56:01-56:10 | Christi)

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