Episode 28: Compliance, Regulation, and the Cost of Looking “Fine”

Episode 28: Compliance, Regulation, and the Cost of Looking “Fine”

Matt and Erin are joined this week by longtime colleague and friend of the show, Maisie Soetantyo—an openly autistic, multiply neurodivergent advocate with decades inside the autism service system. This episode is a slow, honest unpacking of what it means to start inside ABA, believe you’re helping, and then realize the system itself is doing harm.

We talk about visible “progress,” invisible trauma, and the moment when following the protocol stops making sense—especially when you’re autistic yourself and keep asking why. This one ends on a cliffhanger, because it has to.

Highlights from this episode:

  • Maisie’s early work in ABA at UCLA, why it looked effective at first, and what those “successes” missed

  • What happens when compliance replaces connection—and why masking is demanded from both autistic kids and therapists

  • The long-term impact of training kids to be invisible, including burnout, shutdowns, and after-school collapse

  • Moral injury, burnout, and why so many well-intentioned providers eventually walk away

  • Parenting autistic kids after leaving ABA, including sensory-specific eating, regulation, and respecting a real “no”

We stop here on purpose.
Part two is about what comes after—what actually supports autistic people across a lifespan, and how unlearning the system is sometimes the most important work.

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Episoder(53)

Episode 48: Leaky Foundations, Low Spoons, and Building Something That Lasts

Episode 48: Leaky Foundations, Low Spoons, and Building Something That Lasts

Matt and Erin are wrapping up Season 1 of The Autistic VOICE Project this week — and after 48 episodes, they’re talking honestly about burnout, sustainability, community, and what it takes to keep sho...

29 Mai 27min

Episode 47: Friend-Shaped People, Autism Sparkle, and the Spreadsheet Method of Making Friends

Episode 47: Friend-Shaped People, Autism Sparkle, and the Spreadsheet Method of Making Friends

Matt, Erin, and friend of the show Hunter Hammersen are here this week talking about something a whole lot of Autistic people want and struggle with at the same time: friendship. Specifically, how do ...

25 Mai 50min

Episode 46: Autistic Grief, Co-Regulation, and the People Who Keep Us Human

Episode 46: Autistic Grief, Co-Regulation, and the People Who Keep Us Human

Matt and Erin are back for another mailbag episode — and this one gets deeply personal. From losing an “anchor person” to navigating autistic grief, relationships, PDA parenting, and co-regulation, th...

15 Mai 46min

Episode 45: Nintendo Fidgets, Neutrality, and the Nervous System We Forgot About

Episode 45: Nintendo Fidgets, Neutrality, and the Nervous System We Forgot About

Matt, Erin, and guest Nyck Walsh are here this week — and this episode turns into a really good conversation about somatic therapy, autistic processing, nervous systems, sensory joy, and why neutralit...

8 Mai 41min

Episode 44: Perimenopause, Medical Gaslighting, and Figuring It Out Without a Map

Episode 44: Perimenopause, Medical Gaslighting, and Figuring It Out Without a Map

This episode gets into perimenopause through an autistic lens—what it actually feels like, why it hits differently in autistic bodies, and how little real guidance exists. Matt, Erin, and Eleda talk t...

1 Mai 32min

Episode 43: Special Interests, Safe Spaces, and Saying No to Shame

Episode 43: Special Interests, Safe Spaces, and Saying No to Shame

Matt, Erin, and Eleda get into special interests, collections, and what it means to have a space where Autistic joy isn’t hidden—it’s the whole point. This one’s about building community through the t...

28 Apr 48min

Episode 42: Horses, Hyperfocus, and the Accidental Autistic Gathering Place

Episode 42: Horses, Hyperfocus, and the Accidental Autistic Gathering Place

Matt and Erin are joined by Eleda Towle, an Autistic store owner whose lifelong focus on model horses turned into a business—and a gathering place for other Autistic people. This one moves the way Aut...

17 Apr 34min

Episode 41: Crystals, Experiments, and Figuring Out Who You Are (Without Losing Yourself)

Episode 41: Crystals, Experiments, and Figuring Out Who You Are (Without Losing Yourself)

Matt, Erin, and Jamie Roberts are here this week—and we get into identity development for autistic teens, the pressure to turn yourself into something “useful,” and what it actually looks like to figu...

10 Apr 40min

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