#231: Why You Can't Love Someone Into Changing

#231: Why You Can't Love Someone Into Changing

In this episode, we explore the belief that if someone truly loved you, they would have changed — and why this story so often keeps people stuck in self-blame, rescuing, and self-abandonment. We look at the saviour complex, how it develops, and why real change has far more to do with timing and capacity than with how lovable or devoted you are.

In this episode, we cover:

  • Why “if they loved me, they would’ve changed” is such a convincing story
  • How the saviour complex shows up in relationships
  • The line between compassion and self-abandonment
  • Why people change when they’re ready — not when we love harder

If this resonates, you can register for my free training on healing anxious attachment here.

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Episoder(256)

#256: How to Balance Accepting Your Partner & Supporting Their Growth (Ask Steph)

#256: How to Balance Accepting Your Partner & Supporting Their Growth (Ask Steph)

Subscribe to my YouTube ChannelIn today's Ask Steph episode, we're talking about how to balance accepting your partner for who they are, while also encouraging them to grow. This is a delicate dance f...

14 Mai 11min

#255: Fearful Avoidant Attachment: A Deep Dive (Part 1)

#255: Fearful Avoidant Attachment: A Deep Dive (Part 1)

Subscribe to my YouTube ChannelIn today's episode, we're diving deep into the fearful avoidant (or disorganised) attachment style. We're talking about where it originates, and what some of the core be...

12 Mai 17min

#254: Healthy Privacy vs. Unhealthy Secrecy in Relationships (Ask Steph)

#254: Healthy Privacy vs. Unhealthy Secrecy in Relationships (Ask Steph)

Subscribe to my YouTube ChannelWhat's the difference between reasonable, healthy privacy and unhealthy secret-keeping? That's the question I'm answering in today's Ask Steph episode. We're diving into...

7 Mai 12min

#253: Perfectionism in Anxious-Avoidant Relationships

#253: Perfectionism in Anxious-Avoidant Relationships

Subscribe to my YouTube ChannelIn today's episode, we're diving deep into perfectionism — and how it can sneak into our relationship dynamics in unhelpful ways. We'll talk about how perfectionism show...

5 Mai 20min

#252: Finding Self-Compassion When Everything is Falling Apart (Ask Steph)

#252: Finding Self-Compassion When Everything is Falling Apart (Ask Steph)

How do you find self-compassion when everything is falling to pieces? That's the listener question I'm answering in today's Ask Steph episode. We'll talk about why self-compassion can be so hard to ac...

30 Apr 8min

#251: How I Approach Nervous System Regulation & Wellbeing

#251: How I Approach Nervous System Regulation & Wellbeing

In this episode, I’m sharing how I personally approach nervous system regulation in a way that feels simple, realistic, and actually sustainable, rather than overwhelming myself with endless tools and...

21 Apr 15min

#250: Are They Avoidant or Just Not That Into You? (Ask Steph)

#250: Are They Avoidant or Just Not That Into You? (Ask Steph)

Understanding Your Avoidant Partner: New CourseMany people find themselves trying to decode confusing or inconsistent behaviour, wondering whether it reflects avoidant attachment or a lack of interest...

16 Apr 12min

#249: The First 30 Days After a Breakup

#249: The First 30 Days After a Breakup

In today’s episode, I’m walking you through how to navigate the first 30 days after a breakup in a way that is supportive, grounded, and deeply healing.This initial period can feel overwhelming — full...

14 Apr 18min

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