#34 WHAT OUR SEPARATION TRIGGERED IN OUR CHILD (THAT WE DIDN’T SEE COMING)

In this episode of Spill the Tea, We shared how our separation impacted our son Harvey, revealing that despite a loving home with no visible signs of distress, Harvey acted out violently at school due to bottled-up emotions from missing his father (Beau). A video call reunified him briefly and allowed him to express anger and sadness, highlighting the importance of asking deeper questions to uncover children’s hidden feelings during family transitions. The episode emphasizes checking in with children, naming emotions, and creating space for processing to prevent behavioral escalation.

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In this episode of Spill the Tea, we share :

00:01:34 – 00:06:55 | School Incident and Video Evidence

Teacher called parent to office after observing unusual behavior at school; initial suspicion of inappropriate conduct.School reviewed CCTV after a child was found with a bump on the head during lunch; footage showed Harvey grabbing a toy car, throwing it, then pushing another child’s head into the table without provocation. Parent describes Harvey as loving, calm, non-violent at home and was shocked and emotional when shown the video

00:06:55 – 00:13:41 | Connection to Parental Separation and Absence

We link Harvey’s behavior to the prolonged absence of a parent (Beau) due to travel (about 35–40 days), suggesting the child bottled up emotions and missed his dad.When reunited via video call, Harvey admitted he was angry that his dad left and cried, indicating direct emotional impact from the separation. children may feel safe at home and therefore not display distress there, but act out in other settings where triggers occur; adults often miss these hidden emotions.

00:13:41 – 00:19:27 | Parental Reflections, Questions, and Takeaways

Importance of asking the right, deeper questions of children and partners to uncover hidden emotions rather than relying on surface-level signs.Triggers can be opportunities to bring up underlying issues; being triggered is framed positively as a prompt to address and process emotions.Validate children's feelings, name emotions, invite expression and offer tools to regulate—this helps children process and prevents escalation.

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