#235: What Attachment Theory Does (& Does Not) Explain

#235: What Attachment Theory Does (& Does Not) Explain

Attachment theory has become a widely used framework for understanding relationship patterns — but it’s often misunderstood, overextended, or treated as a complete explanation for human behaviour.

In this episode, I revisit the foundations of attachment theory to clarify what attachment is actually designed to explain, what attachment styles describe, and where the limits of the framework are. This is a back-to-basics conversation intended to bring nuance and accuracy to how we use attachment language — especially in romantic relationships.

In this episode, I cover:

  • What attachment styles are really describing: relational stress and our habitual responses to it
  • Why attachment styles are not fixed, mutually exclusive categories — and how spectrums work in practice
  • How attachment patterns are contextually responsive and can shift across different relationships
  • What attachment theory explains — and what it was never meant to explain
  • How our attachment blueprint shapes our internal working model, even beyond close relationships
  • Why attachment is best used as a tool, not a totalising explanation for yourself or others

If you’ve ever felt confused, boxed in by attachment labels, or frustrated by how attachment theory is used online, this episode offers a clearer and more grounded way of thinking about it.

Take my free attachment quiz

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Episoder(278)

#278: How to Navigate Being Triggered by a Partner's Moodiness

#278: How to Navigate Being Triggered by a Partner's Moodiness

In today's Ask Steph episode, I'm answering the listener question of "How do I navigate being triggered by my partner's moodiness and irritability?" This is such a common pain point for folks with anx...

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#277: What to Look For in a Long-Term Partner

#277: What to Look For in a Long-Term Partner

Choosing who you're going to commit to is a life-altering decision — so it's little wonder so many of us feel the weight of that pressure, and experience doubt around whether we're making the "right" ...

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#276: Attachment & Conflict (Part 4): Repairing After Relationship Rupture

#276: Attachment & Conflict (Part 4): Repairing After Relationship Rupture

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#275: Why You Can't Get Over Your Ex

#275: Why You Can't Get Over Your Ex

In today's episode, we're talking about why you struggle to "get over" your ex. This is something so many people struggle with when it comes to break-ups — feeling like the person who left us still oc...

30 Jul 22min

#274: Attachment & Conflict (Part 3): How to Experience Healthier Conflict

#274: Attachment & Conflict (Part 3): How to Experience Healthier Conflict

Join the Secure Self Challenge hereToday's episode is part 3 of my Attachment & Conflict series, and we're talking all about how to transform the way you do conflict. I'll be sharing general tips and ...

21 Jul 32min

#273: Attachment & Conflict (Part 2): Avoidant Attachment

#273: Attachment & Conflict (Part 2): Avoidant Attachment

Register for the Secure Self Challenge hereIn today's episode, we're talking once again about how attachment patterns shape our experience of conflict in relationships, with a particular focus on avoi...

16 Jul 24min

#272: How to Talk to Your Partner About Their Avoidant Attachment (Ask Steph)

#272: How to Talk to Your Partner About Their Avoidant Attachment (Ask Steph)

Access the replay for the Anxious Attachment Protest Behaviour workshopIn today's Ask Steph episode, I'm answering the question of: "How do I talk to my partner about their avoidant attachment without...

9 Jul 10min

#271: Fearful Avoidant Attachment: Guidance for Partners (Part 4)

#271: Fearful Avoidant Attachment: Guidance for Partners (Part 4)

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