Life in Four Backpacks - March 15th 2026

March 15th 2026

Yuriy recalls buying an olive military backpack in early 2022 despite friends insisting the Ukraine war would end soon, and now—after wearing through three and needing a fourth—he reflects bitterly on how long the war has lasted. He marks the time by his daughter turning 21 and laments missing key moments of her growing up, wishing her a life with more peace.

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TRANSCRIPT: (Apple Podcasts & Podbean app users can enjoy accurate closed captions)  

It is 15th of March.

I recently found myself remembering how at the very beginning of my service in the Army, I ordered a backpack from an online store for all my military stuff. Back then, my comrades advised me to buy a black or a blue one, anything but an olive colored backpack. The logic was simple: the war would end soon and you'd be left with an obviously military backpack. Why would you need something like that in civilian life?

But at that time, early spring of 2022, the only backpacks available for sale in Ukraine were olive colored. I had no choice but to buy one, and for a while afterwards I had to listen to people around me explaining what a fool I was. The war would be over any day now, and here you are all decked out in military gear.

It's strange to remember that now. Strange and bitter at the same time. Since the beginning of a full scale war, I've already gone through free olive backpacks. The current one isn't in great shape anymore. I've had to stitch it up, replace the zippers, reinforce the straps. But anyway, it'll clearly soon join. Its two predecessors and I'll go back looking for a new one- my fourth backpack. And I'm not all sure that it'll be the last. Honestly, I'm not sure.

To understand how long ago I bought that first backpack. It's enough to say that my daughter had just turned 17 back then. When the big war began she was 16. And it is her birthday today, she's 21. She's fully grown old, but I was not next to her at some very important moments of her growing up. Not because I didn't want to be, but because I simply couldn't- because the war means I cannot control my own life.

This year, I'm not beside here either. I'm very sorry, but it's turned out this way. But there is nothing I can do to change it. I hope that next year everything will be different, but that's only hope. There is no certainty about it and there it can't be.

21 is a wonderful age. You are already an adult, but your whole life is still ahead of you. On her birthday, I definitely wish my daughter that her life contains more peace. Everything else has long since faded into the background.