The Self-Abandonment Loop: Shame, Self-Criticism, and How to Break Free

The Self-Abandonment Loop: Shame, Self-Criticism, and How to Break Free

Why is it so hard for us to do what we actually want to do? In this episode, Forrest explains the hidden structure of self-abandonment: how shame drives the loop, how the loop produces more shame, and how the inner critic uses a “can’t win” situation to keep us stuck. Then he and Dr. Rick explore what actually breaks the cycle, including the role of anger, the difference between shame and grief, self-compassion, and what it really means to get on your own side. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro and overview of self-abandonment 4:38: What are we abandoning? 8:30: The self-abandonment loop 21:55: How a parts model can help us understand the shame 26:20: The double-bind of self-criticism 32:56: How to get out of the double-bind 41:34: Anger and resentment 49:47: Moving from shame to grief 56:15: Breaking the self-abandonment loop 1:10:22: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Go to Zocdoc.com/BEING to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episoder(462)

Trauma in Relationships: What Actually Helps with Elizabeth Ferreira

Trauma in Relationships: What Actually Helps with Elizabeth Ferreira

Forrest is joined by associate therapist and his fiancée Elizabeth Ferreira for an honest, personal conversation about what it's actually like to be in a relationship when one partner is living with t...

16 Mar 1h 8min

Family Systems Theory: The Invisible Force That Runs Your Relationships

Family Systems Theory: The Invisible Force That Runs Your Relationships

Have you ever walked back into your parents' house and suddenly felt like you'd downloaded an old version of yourself? In today’s episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest explain why through one of the most infl...

9 Mar 1h 23min

The Comfort Trap with Michael Easter

The Comfort Trap with Michael Easter

Forrest is joined by journalist and author Michael Easter to discuss how we can make our lives better by making them (the right kind of) harder. They start with one of modern life’s paradoxes: things ...

2 Mar 1h 17min

The Freeze-Shame Loop, Therapy Speak, and "Everyone Has ADHD": February Mailbag

The Freeze-Shame Loop, Therapy Speak, and "Everyone Has ADHD": February Mailbag

Dr. Rick and Forrest answer listener questions about the freeze state, ADHD, and power imbalances in relationships. First, they talk about how to deal with feelings of shame associated with the freeze...

23 Feb 1h 7min

Codependency and Healthy Dependency with Nedra Glover Tawwab

Codependency and Healthy Dependency with Nedra Glover Tawwab

Protect your peace, set boundaries, don't let people drain your energy…there’s a lot of advice like that, and it’s easy to take it a little too far. Therapist and bestselling author Nedra Glover Tawwa...

16 Feb 1h 15min

Reducing Reactivity (Without Becoming a Doormat) with Sharon Salzberg

Reducing Reactivity (Without Becoming a Doormat) with Sharon Salzberg

What is mindfulness really? According to one fourth-grader, "Not hitting someone in the mouth." Legendary meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg joins Rick and Forrest to discuss how we can work skillfull...

9 Feb 1h 10min

Fixing vs. Feeling: How to Get on the Same Team with Elizabeth Ferreira

Fixing vs. Feeling: How to Get on the Same Team with Elizabeth Ferreira

Forrest and somatic therapist Elizabeth Ferreira explore a common source of relationship conflict: the mismatch between “fixing” (moving quickly into problem-solving) and “feeling” (wanting attunement...

2 Feb 1h

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