SS 261: Mistakes Happen - Processing After Boundary Violations or Safer Sex Failures

SS 261: Mistakes Happen - Processing After Boundary Violations or Safer Sex Failures

It's pretty much a given that, at some point or another in swinging or polyamory, there will be boundary violations, safer sex failures, and other moments you'd talked about and thought about and made rules about. No matter how much hypothetical thought goes into it, though, often being confronted with these things in the real world can cause some serious "knocked on your ass" moments. Tonight we talk about how to process boundary violations, safer sex failures, and the importance of compassion throughout the process.

Dylan relayed his recent protection failure story, consisting of a condom sliding off during sex resulting in condomless ejaculation. While the story and the people involved were incredibly sexy, the mistakes made (delaying telling a partner, processing the failure as offense, lack of perspective on the risk of playing with others) resulted in an otherwise pleasant encounter into something to suffer through.

Cooper makes the point that something will happen over the course of a swinging lifetime, and that you should treat others how you'd want to be treated if you were the one who'd "screwed up" somehow, that compassion in necessary because everyone is hurting when there's no intent to harm.

The group moves into discussing "odd-man out" scenarios in which (usually) the male half of a couple who ends up not playing has a choice on whether to be mopey and whiny about it, or whether to enjoy his partner's pleasure and the atmosphere, and to potentially live to play again later in the night. Dylan once again relays a story of not taking his usual care to see the "odd-man out" partner before joining his wife in a threesome, and speaks of some real regret in not doing so after seeing a well meaning person hurting.


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While we're on Google Play Podcasts, they don't appear to support a review option yet so... hang tight on that, and we apparently aren't on Spotify yet. Dylan spoke a little too soon. We'd sack him but we'd have to hire a hundred monkey editors to replace him and that's a lot of work but you. #grrDYLAN

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Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Find Cooper on Twitter @CooperSBeckett, Dylan on Twitter @DylanTheThomas, and Ginger on twitter @GingerNTheProf.

You can Cooper's novel about swinging, A Life Less Monogamous, at alifelessmonogamous.com or his memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory at mylifeontheswingset.com as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook and if you buy them from his sites, use promo code SWINGSET to save 10%!

Today's podcast featured music by:

Rich Edwards - For You (featuring Park Avenue)

Richard Caddock, WRLD, Nitro Fun, Slips & Slurs & Subtact - Break The Silence

Cooper S Beckett Ginger Bentham Dylan Thomas

Episoder(431)

SS 388: The Power of Witness in Relationship Therapy with Catherine

SS 388: The Power of Witness in Relationship Therapy with Catherine

Join Dylan, Ryan, and Ginger as they host Catherine of Expansive Connection. Catherine offers her perspective on relationship therapy and her Power of Witness experience. It can be a challenge for those in polyamorous, open, and multipartnered relationships to find qualified helping professionals who not just tolerate nontraditional relationships, but elevate and celebrate the strengths of those who opt in for creative relationships. The crew talks therapy, truth-telling, and they share personal stories of their own adventures in love and sex. Website: https://www.expansiveconnection.com/lotss Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/expansive.connection.coaching/  Twitter: https://twitter.com/expanconnect  Power of Witness Sign Up (direct link): https://www.nurturingtheconnection.com/a/30219/5mkaT3y8   Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes!   Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).   If you've ever listened to us and loved us and enjoyed our guests, or even shaken your fist at us… we ask you to take action in your local communities. Organize. Volunteer. Be Loud. Visit racialequityresourceguide.org to find out where you can start. With links to grassroots organizations, national advocacy organizations, academic institutions, guides and resources, and If you're able please consider donating to: Chicago Community Bond Fund National Bail Out #FreeBlackMamas Brave Space Alliance Intro, Interstitial, and Outro Music: No Rest – Vicetone Business Music: Matroda – Shut It Down

1 Feb 20211h 17min

SS 387: Euretic Consent with Shawn Coleman and Kevin Patterson

SS 387: Euretic Consent with Shawn Coleman and Kevin Patterson

Shawn Coleman and Kevin Patterson join Ginger Bentham, Ryan Bentham, and Dylan Thomas, to discuss consent. They talk practicing consent in every day life. "Consent has to exist in our every day lives and not just be a concept in the legal system." The concept of euretic consent, a term Shawn Coleman has offered the world, is a concept "literally made for this time, this experience, this revolution that we're going through… that invites us to reevaluate our boundaries and our relationships to ourselves." *** EMBED CODE FOR PODCAST FROM LIBSYN GOES HERE YOU INSENSITIVE CLOD *** Shawn Coleman @OurTouchPoints Twitter | Our Touchpoints Website | Touchpoints: Cuddles and Community YouTube Kevin Patterson @PolyRoleModels Twitter | @PolyRoleModels Instagram | Poly Role Models Website Unf*ck Your Polyamory | For Hire: Operator Paperback | For Hire: Audition Paperback Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes! Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). If you've ever listened to us and loved us and enjoyed our guests, or even shaken your fist at us… we ask you to take action in your local communities. Organize. Volunteer. Be Loud. Visit racialequityresourceguide.org to find out where you can start. With links to grassroots organizations, national advocacy organizations, academic institutions, guides and resources, and If you're able please consider donating to: Chicago Community Bond Fund National Bail Out #FreeBlackMamas Brave Space Alliance Intro, Interstitial, and Outro Music: Sabai & Hoang feat. Claire Ridgely – Million Days

23 Nov 20201h 8min

SS 386: Thank You Betty Dodson – On Bodysex and More – Friday Night Delights – 2020-08-14 (Part 2)

SS 386: Thank You Betty Dodson – On Bodysex and More – Friday Night Delights – 2020-08-14 (Part 2)

Tonia, Dylan, Ryan the Prof, and Ginger unwind with the Swingsetters after a busy workweek to delight in the Delights on a Friday night for an eclectic array of conversations. Ginger gets on a roll sharing about her double mastectomy and DIEP flap reconstruction, and then doubles (heh) down to worship Betty Fucking Dodson and Bodysex.   Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes! Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).   Need a good looking mask? We have good looking masks! Visit lifeontheswingset.com/masks and grab one today!   We ask you to consider donating to the Groundswell fund's Rapid Response Fund at groundswellfund.org. They offer fast funding to grassroots organizations led by women of color, trans people of color, and low income women and trans people in critical but unexpected fights to protect and advance reproductive and social justice. They get money to organizations and people who need it the most. Visit groundswellfund.org for donation information.   Intro Music: Direct & Park Avenue – I'll Go Interstitial & Outro Music: Notaker – The Longest Night

9 Nov 20201h 10min

The Shame of Desire, the Consideration of Risk – Friday Night Delights

The Shame of Desire, the Consideration of Risk – Friday Night Delights

Ginger, Tonia, Ryan aka Prof, and Dylan get together for a night of Friday Night Drinking and Delights and accidentally have a deep conversation about desire, shame, selfishness, risk-aware relative to sex and COVID-19, exposure networks and the complication of the return of feelings of jealousy and selfishness, but not before engaging in discussion on: rgb lighting… from the inside jalapenos, easy-tear vinyl gloves, and nitrile gloves period euphemisms uv sterilization… of the vagina bush / pubic hair christmas lights in the bush bush light busch light #ad #sponsored a sex party with a bush light dress code sponsored by busch light #ad #sponsored letterkenny puck bunnies men who grow Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes! Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Need a good looking mask? We have good looking masks! Visit lifeontheswingset.com/masks and grab one today! We ask you to consider donating to the Groundswell fund's Rapid Response Fund at groundswellfund.org. They offer fast funding to grassroots organizations led by women of color, trans people of color, and low income women and trans people in critical but unexpected fights to protect and advance reproductive and social justice. They get money to organizations and people who need it the most. Visit groundswellfund.org for donation information. Intro, Interstitial, and Closing Music: SMLE & Just a Gent – Revival Episode Introduction Music- "Studio" Steve Wallace – Mega Man 2 – Level Select This track is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) license.

1 Sep 202056min

A is for Adequate – Friday Night Delights with Cooper, Bradford, and Angela – 2020-06-26

A is for Adequate – Friday Night Delights with Cooper, Bradford, and Angela – 2020-06-26

Shame kinks. Pubic hair. Quarantine Partners. Australia. We're covering all our bases today with Ginger Bentham, Dylan Thomas, Cooper S. Beckett, The Professor, and Angela and Bradford from the By the Bi podcast!   Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes! Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).   Need a good looking mask? We have good looking masks! Visit lifeontheswingset.com/masks and grab one today!   We ask you to consider donating to the Groundswell fund's Rapid Response Fund at groundswellfund.org. They offer fast funding to grassroots organizations led by women of color, trans people of color, and low income women and trans people in critical but unexpected fights to protect and advance reproductive and social justice. They get money to organizations and people who need it the most. Visit groundswellfund.org for donation information.   Podcast Announcements Intro Music: Xilent – Human Error Cold Open Music: Vicetone feat. BullySongs – I Feel Human Intro and Outro Music: Duumu – Breathe Again Interstitial Music: Rameses B – Thinking About You

21 Aug 20201h 37min

Black and Poly in These Times

Black and Poly in These Times

Ruby Johnson LCSW takes over Life on the Swingset and brings Dr. Justin Clardy, Thomas of wearibukun.com and Vision By Thomas,  Charita Marie, and Jhen from the Monogamish Podcast to offer their experiences being black and polyamorous in the midst of covid and the uprising.   You can find Ruby Johnson LCSW on Twitter and Instagram and information about Poly Dallas Millenium on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and at polydallasmillenium.com You can find Dr. Justin Clardy on Twitter, Instagram, and as @pagesla on Instagram. You can find Jhen on Twitter, Instagram, and find the Monogamish Podcast at monogamishpod.com and on Twitter and Instagram. You can find Charita Marie on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and find AcrylicArtTherapy on Instagram. You can also find Out and Equal's 2020 Workplace Summit at outandequal.org/2020-workplace-summit You can find Thomas and Wear Ibukun at wearibukun.com and on Instagram     If you've ever listened to us and loved us and enjoyed our guests, or even shaken your fist at us… we ask you to take action in your local communities. Organize. Volunteer. Be Loud. Visit racialequityresourceguide.org to find out where you can start. With links to grassroots organizations, national advocacy organizations, academic institutions, guides and resources, and If you're able please consider donating to: Chicago Community Bond Fund National Bail Out #FreeBlackMamas Brave Space Alliance     Cold Open and Interstitial Music: Candyland & Ricci – Touch Me Intro Music: Fractal – Mountain Hunter Outro Music: Candyland & Shoffy – Faces   Candyland Instagram – Facebook – Soundcloud – Twitter Fractal Twitter – Soundcloud – YouTube – Facebook

24 Jul 20201h 11min

My Damn Gangbang Got Cancelled By COVID - Friday Night Delights - 2020-04-17

My Damn Gangbang Got Cancelled By COVID - Friday Night Delights - 2020-04-17

It's clear from Life on the Swingset reviews that the first episode people listen to greatly shape opinions about the show. If this is your first, getting angry over gangbangs being cancelled, talking about Con Air (the movie) and hair dye is par for the course. Enjoy listening to Dylan Thomas, Ginger Bentham, Ryan Bentham, and Lunabelle on another edition of Friday Night Delights. The entry point is key.     Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes!   Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).   Need a good looking mask? We have good looking masks! Visit lifeontheswingset.com/masks and grab one today!     There is an overall lack of research of what it means to feel loved and how people experience love. Luckily, The CSUF Queer Lab at California State University, Fullerton, understands this and has undertaken a project called the CSUF Love Project. They're looking for individuals at least 18 years old that have been/are currently in a consensual non-monogamous relationship! That means the swingers, the polyamorous, the open, and hopefully you! Your background, your sexuality, your identity, your experiences all matter and they'll contribute to a better understanding of love, relationships, and sex. Visit tinyurl.com/loveproj-t to enter the study!   If you've ever listened to us and loved us and enjoyed our guests, or even shaken your fist at us... we ask you to take action in your local communities. Organize. Volunteer. Be Loud. Visit racialequityresourceguide.org to find out where you can start. With links to grassroots organizations, national advocacy organizations, academic institutions, guides and resources, and If you're able please consider donating to: Chicago Community Bond Fund National Bail Out #FreeBlackMamas Brave Space Alliance

24 Jun 20201h 19min

COVID-19 and STI Stigma, with Ella Dawson - Friday Night Delights - 2020-05-22

COVID-19 and STI Stigma, with Ella Dawson - Friday Night Delights - 2020-05-22

Ella Dawson joins Ginger, the Professor, and Dylan to discuss reactions to people with / without COVID-19, and how it may affect public discussion surrounding STIs and stigma surrounding people living with STIs. Ella Dawson gave a TEDx Talk about how STIs aren't a consequence, they're inevitable.   Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes!     Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).     There is an overall lack of research of what it means to feel loved and how people experience love. Luckily, The CSUF Queer Lab at California State University, Fullerton, understands this and has undertaken a project called the CSUF Love Project. They're looking for individuals at least 18 years old that have been/are currently in a consensual non-monogamous relationship! That means the swingers, the polyamorous, the open, and hopefully you! Your background, your sexuality, your identity, your experiences all matter and they'll contribute to a better understanding of love, relationships, and sex. Visit tinyurl.com/loveproj-t to enter the study!   If you've ever listened to us and loved us and enjoyed our guests, or even shaken your fist at us… we ask you to take action in your local communities. Organize. Volunteer. Be Loud. Visit racialequityresourceguide.org to find out where you can start. With links to grassroots organizations, national advocacy organizations, academic institutions, guides and resources, and   If you're able please consider donating to: Chicago Community Bond Fund National Bail Out #FreeBlackMamas Brave Space Alliance Intro, Interstitial, and Outro Music: Conro – The Small THings

4 Jun 20201h 7min

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