SS 330: Gang Bang the Mailbag 37 - Pet Play, Wallflowers, Canadian Clubs
Life on the Swingset - The Swinging & Polyamory Podcast12 Aug 2018

SS 330: Gang Bang the Mailbag 37 - Pet Play, Wallflowers, Canadian Clubs

Tonight's Gang Bang the Mailbag is the crew's 37th, and they're doing it in force! Cooper S. Beckett, Dylan Thomas, Ginger Bentham, Dirty Lola, Mister Pent, and Dr. Liz Powell get together to answer your questions! You can send them questions to answer by calling 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464) or sending them an email!

Question 1:

I have recently come to the conclusion there is not a God or at least not the way we see god in most major religions and it was freeing. My husband and I started talking about sex and fantasies and I even tried some of the BDSM stuff but the idea of becoming submissive and giving up my free will even for pretend makes me angry and that stuff makes me want to cry and is the complete opposite of a turn on. I know much of it comes from realizing I was told my WHOLE life I had to be submissive to a man and that he was the head of the household an I am sure you have heard this.

My husband really wants to try pet play. I am not judgmental and I keep trying to encourage him to keep looking for someone to act this fantasy out with. He wants me to do it but even watching the videos makes me feel extremely upset especially if they have sound and are barking orders at their pets. I don't find it disrespectful for him to want to engage in this what I do find disrespectful is for him to expect me to somehow learn to enjoy it.

He seems to think I will come around like I did with other things like anal sex which I was very against until I took god out of my live entirely and realized it was not a sin. After that it was painful and he thought it was emotional then I heard an episode of swingset that helped me realize the initial pain would go away if i could relax but I always have a little pain. Ever since then he seems to think if I just keep doing something I will eventually learn to like it. He even tries to do things like tell me to sit while I am already sitting and feed me a "treat." I can't stand it and I have told him so and he just keeps doing it or variations of it. I will put on kitty ears or puppy ears and play dress up but it just seems to drive more of the pushing for more behavior so then I still can't enjoy myself.

The bottom line is that I would really like him to quit trying to make me like things that I have such negative feelings about participating in.

Is there something wrong with me for not being able to enjoy his fantasies? Am I being ridiculous or selfish? I really don't know anymore I don't have that false moral compass to guide me anymore.

Question 2:

My husband and I are new to swinging, and I guess you could call us wallflowers. We went to our first club last weekend and just sort of hung out. We're both...reasonably attractive...but didn't get approached at all. I know you always say you should ask for what we want, and it's on us for not doing that, but any other advice for the wallflowers out there?

We're considering your desire trip, and are sorta worried we'd do the same thing at that resort.

Question 3:

My wife and I recently decided to explore the lifestyle. Living in Ottawa there is now really only one active club, we also have become members of a private club, which we truly enjoy in the summer months.

We are still new to this, we are moving slowly, we are more about connections. We enjoy the friends that we have made so far, it is nice to get together with like minded individuals, not having to worry about conversation that at times can become very sexual or hot. Your podcasts have been enlightening about nervousness, rules, boundaries, most of all about inclusiveness.

I am a hetroflexible male and my wife has learned that she is pansexual. The hardest thing we find in the area is that the clubs here are not very open to bisexual men, they also try to exclude single men most times. I understand the reasons that I have been given, they have had and continue to have single men that are too aggressive and do not respect the boundaries.

The one club allows single men on Friday nights. The club also has fetish and kink nights periodically to try and be more inclusive, these events are open to everyone. I feel that I try to be sensitive and caring to everyone. I just think it would be awesome to have an area where everyone can go and have a great, safe and open environment.

My vision would be something something like Oasis in Toronto, but open to everyone, or at least open to all couples, with no bias on gender. To me it would be a start. Thank you for sharing your podcasts, they are very informative.

Question 4:

A couple of years ago my husband asked if we could try a threesome. We were having sexual satisfaction issues due to stress he was dealing with at the time which made me feel insecure.

Recently we've started hooking up with a couple we know. I'm bi and wanted to play with a woman in addition to some swapping. But when it came down to it, I was playing with her and having a great time. Once my husband started playing with her, my insecurities came up and we had a fight because I felt like we rushed into a more intimate level of playing.

The other problem is, I was not attracted to the other husband. And my husband's stress issue reared its ugly head when we played again. The other wife and he were playing she was getting upset about my husband's performance. I wanted to watch and help, which frustrated the other husband.

I really want to be in the lifestyle and I know we really screwed up our approach for the first few times. I feel like a hypocrite about my jealous feelings that come up when I see my husband playing with another woman.

Are we just doomed in the lifestyle? How do you know when to call it quits?

More importantly, how do we approach another couple when I feel like I need so much attention to make sure I feel good?

Question 5:

We're in Detroit and have a group of swingers we play with regularly.

A little bit back, we went to a party where she played solo with a guy without checking in beforehand. I wasn't okay with that, and let her know afterwards. She has played solo in a separate space before and let me know beforehand. So I had assumed she knew to go slow. Mistakes can happen!

Last week we went to a kink party. I saw her kissing the aforementioned solo guy a couple times. But while with me, she excused herself to get a drink when he also did and they instead went to fuck without checking in. I felt abandoned, especially as they continued to play all night.

I told her that I felt betrayed and overlooked, as well as ignored when she reacted defensively without acknowledging my feelings.

We talked the next day without particularly resolving anything and I spun into self loathing and over-analying my actions.I still feel she intentionally ignored me that evening. And there was a huge communication gap between her thinking she was doing me a favor leaving me open to play with others, and the lack of check in and connection I wanted. This is a new level of jealousy I haven't felt before.

Have you ever had this type of situation and how did you handle it?
Could I have dealt with it better at the party?

Tristan Taormino's #AllIn for Desire… are you? Join us from November 3rd through the 10th this 2018 for Life on the Swingset's seventh trip to Desire! Visit www.ssdesire.com for more information!

Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes!

You can support us while you buy great sex toys and products from our favorite online retailer SheVibe at lifeontheswingset.com/shevibe.

The best FREE thing you can do to support us is leave us a five-star review. Come to our review gateway, then copy and paste your review into iTunes or Stitcher! Also, follow us on Spotify!

Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).

You can now order Cooper's novel Approaching The Swingularity, his previous novel A Life Less Monogamous, or his memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook. Use promo code SWINGSET at coopersbeckett.com to save 10%.

Dylan Thomas is available for for podcast consultation and production work. If you're interested, visit www.dylanthethomas.com.

Do you have a sex positive project? Would you be interested in a grant? Visiting the Effing Foundation at effing.org/grants!

Our 2017 THEME comes courtesy of Vlad Lucan and his track: Reverse!

Our Desire 2018 Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: Bikini, off the Paradise album. Our cold open in includes the track パラダイス PARADISE , our Swingtowns Advertisement includes the track さようなら GOOD BYE, and the Effing Foundation Advertisement includes the track シドニーSYDNEY.

The Sex Down South Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: Internet Archive - O N L I N E off the THAT'S WHAT I CALL VAPORWAVE album.

These tracks are licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) license.

Cooper S Beckett Dylan Thomas Ginger Bentham Dr. Liz Powell Dirty Lola Mr. Pent

Episoder(431)

SS 396: ...what sets us apart, brings us together. - Swingset Takes Desire 2022, Part 1

SS 396: ...what sets us apart, brings us together. - Swingset Takes Desire 2022, Part 1

Swingset is a place, at least that's how we think of it today. We created the Swingset Community for the tenth time at Desire Resort in Cancun, QR, MX, and gathered our attendees to listen to Keeley, Cooper, Ginger, Tonia, Ryan AKA The Professor, and Dylan get together and talk about the trip up until Friday and many… many other things. Set and Setting. The Tepid Tub! Indiana Cooper? Co-Creation. Indomnitable Joy. Consent Violation. Rupture Repair. Community Support Gloryholes. We talk about it all, in part one.   Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes! Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).     Intro Music: Sullivan King & Ray Volpe – The Dead March Outro Music: zensei ゼンセー – spadina 3am

22 Nov 202242min

SS 395: The Trouble with Tribbing, a Sexy Story Share

SS 395: The Trouble with Tribbing, a Sexy Story Share

Ginger, The Professor, Mike Joseph, Tonia, and Dylan get together for a Friday Night Delights recorded on June 25th to share some sexy stories and talk about growing relationships and sharing managing multiple identities, Also… big gong energy and tribbing.   Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes! Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).   Trans children and families are under attack in Texas right now. If you're able, consider donating to:

1 Nov 20221h 2min

SS 394: Camp Swingset Live! - At the Half-Baked Homestead

SS 394: Camp Swingset Live! - At the Half-Baked Homestead

Tonia and Dylan sat down at the Half-Baked Homestead, lovingly put together by Rapunzel, Colin, and Oengus, to talk about what Swingset gatherings mean (if anything) and what we try to do when we put temporary community together. Talk touches on current events – the attack on trans familities rights to exist, a post roe v. wade world, and community relations at their fracture points come up prominently… but talk about accepting and appreciating joy without apologizing for it, and the pleasure of being together, takes over… with commentary from a couple of dogs fighting over a stick. it's Camp Swingset, Live!   Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes! Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).      Trans children and families are under attack in Texas right now. If you're able, consider donating to:           Intro, Interstitial, and Outro Music: helloworld – see str8

1 Aug 20221h 1min

SS 393: Swingset Takes Desire 2021 LIVE in Cancún!

SS 393: Swingset Takes Desire 2021 LIVE in Cancún!

17 Mar 20221h 29min

SS 392: Personal Stories on Changing Intimacy Over the Last Two Years - A Friday Night Delights Conversation with Catherine

SS 392: Personal Stories on Changing Intimacy Over the Last Two Years - A Friday Night Delights Conversation with Catherine

We continue the conversation from SS 388: The Power of Witness in Relationship Therapy, by sliding into how intimacy has changed over the last couple of years. Dylan, Ryan, and Ginger continues to welcome Catherine of Expansive Connection while Tonia joins in on the fun! Also… more love for Gestalt therapy!     Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes! Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).     Trans children and families are under attack in Texas right now. If you're able, consider donating to:           Intro and Outro Music: Stendahl – Austrumi (Extended Mix)

2 Mar 202248min

SS 391: The Desire Mid-Week Check-In, featuring Co-Hosts Mike Joseph and Keeley!

SS 391: The Desire Mid-Week Check-In, featuring Co-Hosts Mike Joseph and Keeley!

We made it to Desire in 2021 and decided to take the temperature of the room… the very, very hot room that we couldn't turn the air conditioning on in because it would have ruined the recording environment. Cooper, Dylan, and Tonia along with guest co-hosts Mike Joseph and Keeley get together and check in with each other, and the attendees, and see what being in Desire in these trying times means to them.   Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes!   Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).   If you've ever listened to us and loved us and enjoyed our guests, or even shaken your fist at us… we ask you to take action in your local communities. Organize. Volunteer. Be Loud. Visit racialequityresourceguide.org to find out where you can start. With links to grassroots organizations, national advocacy organizations, academic institutions, guides and resources, and If you're able please consider donating to: Chicago Community Bond Fund National Bail Out #FreeBlackMamas Brave Space Alliance Intro & Outro Music: Chime – Rainbow Rave Parade

1 Mar 202258min

SS 390: "Things can be messy, but things don't have to be toxic."

SS 390: "Things can be messy, but things don't have to be toxic."

With this episode, we emerge from our reduced pandemic release schedule where our focus was on virtual Swingset community events to connect and sustain us through challenging times, and refocus on the podcast. We invited Eve, Marissa, Celeste, Rose, and Melanie with an intimate conversation about navigating toxic relationships. We're grateful for these five courageous humans for sharing their stories and wisdom so that we can learn from their experiences. -Ginger Bentham -Dylan Thomas Listeners can learn more at itrippedonthepolystair.com. Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes!   Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).   If you've ever listened to us and loved us and enjoyed our guests, or even shaken your fist at us… we ask you to take action in your local communities. Organize. Volunteer. Be Loud. Visit racialequityresourceguide.org to find out where you can start. With links to grassroots organizations, national advocacy organizations, academic institutions, guides and resources, and If you're able please consider donating to: Chicago Community Bond Fund National Bail Out #FreeBlackMamas Brave Space Alliance Intro Music: Throttle feat. NICOLOSI – Heroes (Skies Remix)

6 Jul 20211h 18min

SS 389: Nerdy Banter with Simone and Malcolm – The Pragmatist's Guide to Sexuality

SS 389: Nerdy Banter with Simone and Malcolm – The Pragmatist's Guide to Sexuality

Join Dylan, Ryan aka Prof, and Ginger in a nerdy discussion about sexuality data and human behavior. Simone and Malcolm Collins, the authors of The Pragmatist's Guide series, take to the Swingset to talk all manner of intriguing and confounding sexiness. Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). If you've ever listened to us and loved us and enjoyed our guests, or even shaken your fist at us… we ask you to take action in your local communities. Organize. Volunteer. Be Loud. Visit racialequityresourceguide.org to find out where you can start. With links to grassroots organizations, national advocacy organizations, academic institutions, guides and resources, and If you're able please consider donating to: Chicago Community Bond Fund National Bail Out #FreeBlackMamas Brave Space Alliance Intro Music: Duumu and Meggie York – Never Had Interstitial Music: Nitro fun – System Failure Our Sportsheets Advertisements featured music from Poolhouse Ltd from their album: NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL VAPORWAVE! HOME COMPUTING – HOTLINE Internet Archive – O N L I N E pacintosh mlus – c r y s t a l p e p s i These tracks are licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) license.

1 Mar 20211h 30min

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