252 — How Forgiving Too Fast Kept Me Stuck for 20 Years

What if the thing you've been told will set you free is actually keeping you stuck? What if forgiveness isn't even the goal?

In this episode of Life Happens with Barb & Michelle, our hosts challenge everything we've been taught about forgiveness. Not the textbook version we learned as kids, but the real, messy, evolving kind that shows up after serious trauma, toxic relationships, and years of bypassed emotions. This is a raw conversation about what happens when you stop forcing yourself to forgive and start focusing on what you actually feel.

💬 Barb opens up about replacing forgiveness with acceptance after her divorce, her history of sexual abuse, and why at 69 years old she's done pressuring herself to forgive people who caused real harm.

💬 Michelle gets vulnerable about being a self-described "sucker" who forgave a major trauma too quickly because the person said the right words, and how she's learning to sit with her own feelings before letting anyone else influence her process.

✨ In This Episode, We Discuss:

• Why Barb swapped the word "forgiveness" for "acceptance" and how that shift changed everything
• The danger of forgiving too quickly and bypassing the emotions that actually need to be felt
• Michelle's experience of forgiving a severe trauma as a kid because the person said all the right things, only to realize decades later she'd never actually processed it
• How other people's apologies and influence can cloud what you truly feel and need
• Why taking accountability doesn't mean someone gets a pass or gets let back in
• The connection between premature forgiveness and the inability to set boundaries later in life
• Nedra Glover Tawwab's quote on forgiveness and releasing the power harm has over you

"I don't wanna wait that long. And also, is that really even the goal?"

If you've ever felt the pressure to forgive before you were ready, or wondered if forgiveness is even what you need right now, this episode is going to feel like permission to breathe. Barb and Michelle aren't here to tell you what to do. They're here to sit with you in the mess and remind you that healing doesn't have a deadline. Come listen.

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Episode Breakdown ⬇️

0:00 – Intro / Teaser clip

0:58 – Welcome & introducing the forgiveness topic

7:18 – Barb shares where she is today with forgiveness (2026)

8:04 – Barb opens up about childhood sexual abuse

10:15 – Is forgiveness even the goal anymore?

18:57 – Why we put the onus on the person who was harmed

23:24 – Should you remove the other person from the equation?

24:44 – The danger of being easily swayed by an apology

25:18 – How being a "sucker" affects your healing process

41:01 – Walking through what actually works: staying in your own essence

46:21 – Closing thoughts: accountability ≠ forgiveness

49:55 – Outro & Nedra Tawwab quote on releasing forgiveness

💬 We’d love to hear from you! What insight or moment resonated most with you in this episode? Share in the comments—we truly read every one.

📅 Subscribe & Join Us Next Tuesday for another heartfelt episode of Life Happens with Barb and Michelle! 💕

🎙️ Host by:

• https://www.instagram.com/peaceful_barb/
• https://www.instagram.com/michellemaros/

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