242 Betrayal Repair in Non-Monogamy

Betrayal in non-monogamy can feel uniquely isolating. When you've already moved away from the traditional guardrails of monogamy—where exclusivity = safety and infidelity is the clear line of betrayal—what happens when trust is shattered? How do you even know what counts as betrayal when you don't have those conventional frameworks to lean on?

This episode picks up where our (amazing!) conversation with Eve Rickert left off. We're moving beyond understanding betrayal to exploring what comes next: How do we actually repair? And here's the thing—repair isn't about returning to some wholesome "before time." It's about transformation. It's about building something entirely new while sitting with the reality that you can never unknow what happened.

If you've experienced betrayal in your non-monogamous relationship (or caused it), if you're wondering whether repair is even possible, or if you're struggling with the question "do I even get to have expectations?"—this episode is essential listening. We draw on our own experiences of navigating profound harm and the years-long repair process that followed.

In this episode, we talk about:

— Why betrayal recovery requires entering a liminal space with no guaranteed timeline or outcome

— The difference between repair and just "toughening up" until you don't feel anything anymore

— How to reclaim agency when betrayal has left you questioning your reality and your relationship

— The interior work required for the person who caused harm (spoiler: it's not just about apologizing)

— Why the person who was betrayed gets to define their experience, and what that means for repair

— The critical importance of not rushing through the pain—for both the betrayed and the betrayer

— How to identify which "part" of you took actions that caused harm, and why that matters

— The practice of listening without defending when your partner describes how you've hurt them

— Why suppressing betrayal (the "beach ball effect") will cause it to pop up sideways in other areas of your relationship

— The role of grief in betrayal—not just sadness, but rage, shame, and the loss of who you thought your partner was

— How agreements are "expectations made visible" and why shared meaning matters more than shared values

— Why betrayal repair often requires changing activities and expectations during the recovery period

— The difference between forgiveness-seeking and negotiation, and how desire smuggling strips away agency

— How repair becomes a load-bearing beam in your relationship rather than a fracturing force

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— 241 Betrayal & Non-Monogamy with Eve Rickert

Get the support you NEED to have the open relationship you WANT in my year-long group program, The Year of Opening®

Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way

Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com

Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here

Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions