246 We Opened up Too Fast. What Do We Do Now?

The phrase "we opened up too fast" comes up a lot in the conversations we have with people who are transitioning from monogamy to non-monogamy. But what does "too fast" even mean? And more importantly—too fast for whom?

Here's the thing: once you've crossed certain thresholds in opening up, there's no going back to a state of unknowing. You can't unsee what you've seen or unknow what you've learned about yourself, your partner, and your relationship. This can feel scary, but it's also where some of the most profound growth happens.

In this episode, we talk about:

— Why "too fast" is really about thresholds, not speed

— How foiled expectations drive so much of our dysregulation in the opening process

— The difference between pacing that allows for skill-building versus holding so still that you never actually learn anything

— Why differentiation work matters just as much (if not more) than the logistics of who you're dating

— The power of imaginal work

— How to recognize when you're objectifying potential partners (couples privilege on steroids) and why that's a sign that you might not be ready yet

— The reality that monogamy skills don't all transfer to non-monogamy, but non-monogamy skills work everywhere

— Why learning resilience and repair skills is more important than getting everything "right" the first time

— The profound relief that comes from increased self-knowledge, even when relationships end

— How educational community and mentorship can provide the support that makes all the difference

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— Our Neuro-Somatic Intelligence Essentials Playlist

— Our Nervous System Playlist

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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions