Episode 67. Dramatis Personae - House Goliath. Part 1.

Hey Scummers!

This week Spamuel and Nathan are diving into the Dramatis Personae of House Goliath, exploring some of the most infamous names ever to emerge from the gene-forges and fighting pits of the Underhive.

First up is Ajex Gorgoth, the living embodiment of everything House Goliath aspires to be. Towering, terrifying, and built like a cargo hauler wrapped in slabs of muscle. Ajex carved his way through rivals and monsters alike to become one of the most feared champions in Necromunda. If your solution to every problem is overwhelming violence applied at maximum force, Ajex is your role model.

Next, we turn our attention to Djangar Gunfist. A man whose name tells you almost everything you need to know. Somewhere along the line Djangar looked at his hand and decided it would be significantly more useful if it were always holdinga firearm. Whether this represents tactical genius or severe emotional issues remains a matter of debate. Naturally, this leads to an extended discussion about the practical applications of gun-fisting and his abilities to lead House Goliath as Over Tyrant.

Then we descend into the depths of the sump to meet Old Three-Eyes, a colossal sumpkroc whose appetite for gangers has elevated her from dangerous predator to full-blown Underhive legend. Bigger than a cargo hauler and considerably less friendly, Old Three-Eyes lurks beneath the polluted waters waiting for anyone foolish enough to get too close.

As expected, the conversation immediately derails. What begins as a discussion about gene-smithing somehow turns into Spamuel theorising about cloning monsters. Not sensible monsters. Not useful monsters. Horrifying vat-grown abominations with too many muscles, too many teeth, and somehow... too many butts.

This naturally raises the question of how such creatures would reproduce, sending Spamuel on an extended tangent about crocodile reproduction while Nathan desperately attempts to drag the conversation back toward Necromunda. The effort is unsuccessful.

Finally, we take a look at Tess "Arc-Up", one of House Goliath's most notorious champions. Armed with enough electrical firepower to illuminate a small settlement, Tess demonstrates why mixing enormous muscles with industrial-grade voltage is generally considered a bad idea for everyone nearby.

Along the way we ask the truly important questions. Would a Goliath battle plan improve if it simply began with someone shouting "LEEROY JENKINS!"? Can gun-fisting be considered a legitimate martial art? And how does a man with no nose smell?

Terrible.

So grab your stimms, stay out of suspicious bodies of water, avoid any cloned crocodiles with an alarming number of backsides, and remember, if Old Three-Eyes is chasing you, you don't need to be the fastest runner.

You just need Nathan to be slower.

Enjoy the episode, Scummers!

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End music theme is Celltrance by Lobo Loco.

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Lobo_Loco/free-for-you-cc-by/celltrance-id-2346/