266. "We’re in our 30s fighting over $1000. Can we fix this?"

Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich talks to Alexis, 29, and Edwens, 30, a married couple with a 10-month-old baby and two completely different ideas of what money should look like in a marriage. Edwens immigrated from the Dominican Republic less than two years ago, and personal finance is still new to him. Alexis has been trying to teach him, manage the bills, build the budget, and create a future for their family. And yet, their biggest fight keeps coming back to one question: Why won’t Edwens open a joint bank account? But the account is only part of the story. What Ramit uncovers is a marriage where Alexis wants partnership, transparency, and a shared family system, while Edwens is still holding on to independence, privacy, and the idea that giving her $1,000 a month should be enough. Alexis feels like she has become the household manager, the bill payer, and eventually more like his mother than his wife. Edwens feels criticized and controlled, especially around credit cards and spending. Underneath all of it are cultural differences, childhood money patterns, and a couple with a baby who are still trying to turn two separate money lives into one shared future. In this episode we uncover: Why a joint bank account becomes the breaking point in their marriage What Alexis means when she says Edwens still acts like a single man Why Edwens sees separate money as independence, not betrayal The $1,000 arrangement that leaves Alexis managing everything alone How cultural differences shape their money rules Why Edwens struggles to understand credit cards and debt The moment Ramit almost ends the session Why Alexis feels like she has become Edwens’s mother, not his wife How childhood money patterns are showing up in their marriage Why their cheap rent is a financial gift they are not fully using The moment they finally start building a shared money system Chapters: (00:00:00) “He still operates like a single man” (00:01:58) The joint bank account fight (00:07:19) “I don’t want to be married without a joint account” (00:12:19) She wants partnership. He hears control. (00:18:05) The credit card argument (00:25:50) Why does he listen to Ramit, but not his wife? (00:30:56) Ramit almost ends the session (00:35:31) Their real income changes the conversation (00:45:20) The bills, the $1,000, and who actually manages the money (00:55:04) Repeating their parents’ money fights (01:02:25) Building a new money culture as a couple (01:07:13) Alexis has been carrying the household alone (01:15:20) “I feel like his mom, not his wife” (01:21:52) Breaking the generational money pattern (01:27:54) Why therapy needs to happen before it’s too late (01:32:33) Rebuilding their Conscious Spending Plan (01:43:16) From separate money to real partnership (01:48:02) Follow-up This episode is brought to you by: Facet | As of the date of this recording, Facet is waiving the enrollment fee for new annual members, and for my audience, Facet is offering $300 into your brokerage account if you invest and maintain $5,000 within your first 90 days. Head to facet.com/ramit to learn more about which membership option is best for you. Offer has been extended to 12/31/2026. #FacetAd Fabric by Gerber Life | Join the thousands of parents who trust Fabric to protect their family. Apply today in just minutes at https://meetfabric.com/ramit Shopify | Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/ramit Gelt | Gelt is taking on new clients now. Find out if you qualify at https://joingelt.com/ramit. DeleteMe | Get 20% off all consumer plans when you go to https://joindeleteme.com/ramit and use promo code RAMIT at checkout Connect with Ramit • Get my new book, Money For Couples • Get Money Coaching with Ramit • Download the Conscious Spending Plan • Listen to my book—now on Audible • Get my New York Times best-selling book • Get my no-numbers journal • Other episodes • Instagram • Twitter • YouTube Single in LA? Apply now to star in my new reality series about love and money at https://iwt.com/datingshow Calling LA couples: Apply to be coached for free on this podcast at https://iwt.com/apply