I Need Space! How 24 Hours Changed Everything

It's a topic that every married couple deals with sooner or later—conflict. If you’re married, you know that conflict comes with the territory. But there is a way to deal with it better and faster. Sometimes it shows up in the middle of family vacations, like on our recent trip to Tokyo and Guam. Sean and I found ourselves in the midst of a classic “silent treatment” scenario—cordial but emotionally iced out. Even our normally amazing vacations aren’t immune to moments like that.

Conflict can give way to anger, and if we're not careful, can erode even the best of relationships. Anger in marriage takes a lot of forms. Some of us explode, others implode and just simmer with resentment. I believe that unchecked anger is dangerous, sometimes even more so when it’s hidden. That’s why I turn to scripture, specifically Ephesians 4, which famously says “do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” For me, that means not allowing anger to control me.

It doesn’t necessarily mean every single conflict needs to be solved before bed. Sometimes you need a pause, but you shouldn’t let anger fester and give the devil a foothold.

Key Takeaways:

• The “24-hour rule” in our marriage. It was actually Shaun’s idea—why, more often than not, underneath our anger is about something deeper: like feeling unheard, disrespected, or maybe just plain tired.
• The power of the pause. Instead of stewing, take time to reflect on what's actually going with you.
• Important questions to ask yourself. What am I really feeling? What triggered me?
• “I” statements to bring clarity. Share your perspective, not accusations. Be honest with your spouse—even if you don’t have all the answers yet.

Conflict doesn’t have to break connection. With a little honesty, reflection, and grace, it can actually bring you closer together.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

Not sure how to bring up certain conversations? Get my "Conversation Starters when in Conflict FREE guide.

Go deeper with my interactive communication course: From Conflict to Connection.

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