Dividing My Life

Dividing My Life

What happens when someone repeatedly forces you to imagine losing everything you love—only to pretend the conversation never happened the next day?

In Episode 86 of After the Quiet, I share one of the most psychologically damaging forms of coercive control I experienced. My husband would wake me in the middle of the night, hand me a laptop, and make me create lists of what each of us would get "if we divorced." Every possession became another opportunity to remind me that if I left, I would lose everything—including the dog he knew I loved most.

The next morning, he would act as though none of it had ever happened. No mention of the late-night conversations. No acknowledgment of the fear or emotional exhaustion. Instead, he wanted to spend time together as a happy family, leaving me questioning my own memory and reality.

This episode explores gaslighting, sleep deprivation, psychological abuse, coercive control, fear-based manipulation, and how abusers use uncertainty to keep their partners trapped. If you've ever felt like you were constantly questioning your own reality, this episode may help you recognize that confusion can be a deliberate tactic of abuse.

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Episoder(106)

The Last Photo With My Eldest Son

The Last Photo With My Eldest Son

It was Thanksgiving weekend in October 2022. My family had gathered at my mom's house, and before my eldest son left, someone suggested we take a quick picture together at the front door.It was comple...

22 Sep 11min

The Last Birthday Bash

The Last Birthday Bash

Labour Day weekend had always meant one thing in my family: our annual birthday celebration for all the Virgos. In September 2022, we gathered at my mom’s house to celebrate my birthday, my sons’ birt...

15 Sep 18min

The Summer I Thought We Were Getting Closer

The Summer I Thought We Were Getting Closer

The summer of 2022 gave me another reason to believe everything was going to be okay.My middle son called me constantly asking to go to the amusement park—we went 11 times that summer. Sometimes his s...

10 Sep 18min

False Glimmer of Hope

False Glimmer of Hope

In July 2022, after months of growing tension and distance, I took all three of my children on a week-long vacation to visit my extended family. For a little while, everything felt normal again.We too...

8 Sep 14min

Big Steps Back

Big Steps Back

It didn't happen overnight. It happened in inches.By early 2022, getting my teenage sons to school during my parenting time had become such a struggle that I made a decision I would later regret: I to...

3 Sep 15min

Finding love after abuse

Finding love after abuse

After separating in 2019, I had finally become comfortable being alone. Then, during COVID, a spontaneous $9.99 Tinder purchase led me to the man who would become my partner. My children welcomed him,...

1 Sep 17min

Calm Before The Storm: Co-Parenting

Calm Before The Storm: Co-Parenting

Can an abusive relationship ever seem peaceful again? In Episode 100 of After the Quiet, I reflect on a surprising chapter during the COVID-19 pandemic when the conflict between my ex-husband and me a...

27 Aug 9min

The Family I Thought I’d Lost

The Family I Thought I’d Lost

What if one of your greatest fears after leaving an abusive relationship never comes true? In Episode 99 of After the Quiet, I share the emotional story of attending my former husband's grandfather's ...

25 Aug 10min

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