From judgement to understanding: helping autistic children regulate (with Dr Janet Rose)

In Episode 7 of The Beautiful Reality of Autism, Guy Shahar is joined by Dr Janet Rose, Principal of Norland College, co-developer of Transforming Autism’s First Steps programme, and a parent of an autistic son.

Janet shares her early parenting journey and the challenges that didn’t fit the stereotypes: a child who was an early talker and early reader, but who struggled with sleep, sensory sensitivities, change, and emotional regulation (especially at home). She describes the fear, self-blame and tension that can build when parents judge surface behaviour, rather than understanding what is happening underneath.

Janet explains emotion coaching: a strengths-based, relationship-led approach that looks ‘under the iceberg’ of behaviour. It validates the child’s feelings, supports calming and co-regulation first, and then teaches self-regulation skills over time. She shares vivid examples of how this can shift a child’s language and behaviour, and how it also requires adult self-regulation.

This episode is a practical reset for parents: compassion without permissiveness, boundaries without shame, and connection as the pathway to growth.

What you’ll learn (bullets)

• Why behaviour is the ‘tip of the iceberg’ and what sits underneath
• How emotion coaching supports co-regulation and self-regulation
• Why sensory sensitivities and transitions can trigger stress responses
• How to validate feelings without accepting harmful behaviour
• Why adult self-regulation is central to helping a child regulate
• Why progress takes time, and what realistic change looks like
• How a strengths-based view changes family life

This episode is shared for information and support. It is not medical advice. If you are worried about your child’s well-being, contact your GP or relevant professional support.

If you have found this episode helpful and would like to support Transforming Autism’s work, you can make a donation here: https://tinyurl.com/tap-donate

Every contribution means we can support even more young Autistic children to fulfil their potential and, with their families, live happy, fulfilling lives.

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