#0418 - Naked In Rexburg, Pooping In Waymos, And Getting Attacked By River Otters - 09/02/2026

Wednesday begins with Victor Wilt already fighting for his life after a night of nightmares, repeatedly waking up, sleeping weird, waking up with his neck completely kinked, and then discovering that coffee—the magical brown liquid that is supposed to make everything better—has instead decided to launch another assault on his digestive system through the medium of acid reflux. Somehow, he still has to survive the longest Wednesday in human history, largely because a three-day weekend is approaching and apparently the closer you get to a holiday, the slower time moves. From there, the show immediately descends into the eternal question: Would you permanently quit your job if somebody handed you $2 million and told you that you were never allowed to work again? Victor considers the possibilities of investing it, living off the growth, escaping the alarm clock, and becoming the kind of person whose biggest workplace responsibility is remembering where they left their sunglasses. The conversation becomes even more ridiculous when somebody suggests politicians should be forced to retire at 60, which honestly sounds like the beginning of either a constitutional amendment or the greatest reality show ever produced.

Then Stuart drops an absolute biological war crime into the studio: a Facebook Marketplace listing for a used “Fortnite Battle Bucket.” Imagine a folding chair mounted over a bucket with a hose positioned in such a way that a dedicated gamer can apparently answer nature's call without ever abandoning the battlefield. The seller claims it was used almost every day for years and is asking $500 for this throne of gamer despair. Victor attempts to determine whether the thing is real, whether it is some kind of joke, and whether humanity has finally reached the point where people would rather construct a sewage system beneath their gaming chair than pause Fortnite for approximately 45 seconds. The answer appears to be yes. The discussion somehow mutates into Skibidi Toilet territory before everyone collectively decides that perhaps the human race needs to step outside and look at a tree.

Victor then announces that he is about to get political, but promises to attack both sides equally, and proceeds to question the usefulness of politicians spending time voting on a resolution condemning socialism. His argument, essentially, is that condemning something doesn't actually fix anything. Water filtration? Useful. Infrastructure? Useful. Solving an actual problem? Fantastic. A bunch of politicians pressing buttons one after another to announce whether they personally approve of socialism? Apparently the legislative equivalent of making a Facebook poll asking whether people like Sleep Token. And then, because the universe has decided politics isn't disgusting enough, the show moves directly into animals attacking humans.

The featured nightmare creature is the river otter, an animal most people instinctively categorize alongside adorable zoo animals and wholesome little aquatic mascots. Victor would like to officially revoke that classification. He discusses the terrifying story of a Nevada woman swimming in Lake Tahoe who was attacked by an otter that grabbed her leg, pulled her underwater, and repeatedly bit her. The woman reportedly suffered injuries requiring 38 stitches and had to undergo rabies treatment, a tetanus shot, and antibiotics. Even after she escaped toward shore, the otter reportedly followed her and circled nearby while breathing heavily. Suddenly every cute otter video on the internet feels like recruitment propaganda for an aquatic gang. Victor's warning is simple: maybe don't casually jump into natural bodies of water assuming the wildlife has signed a peace treaty with humanity.

The freak-news department continues with a Walmart evacuation in the Philadelphia area after a hazmat situation reportedly sent 19 people to the hospital with coughing and chest irritation. Naturally, this somehow becomes an opportunity to blame Jade's hypothetical farts for the incident. Then comes Crooked Jess, a Florida woman allegedly entrusted with $60 by an undercover officer to purchase crack cocaine who apparently decided that the best possible use of the money was simply disappearing with it. Months later, police caught up with her, and the legend of Crooked Jess was born. The episode then veers into Las Vegas Sphere territory, where people who already spent a fortune watching The Wizard of Oz are informed that the experience is being upgraded with enhanced flying monkeys, pyrotechnics, Glinda Glitter, and scented apples. Victor experiences a familiar form of technological buyer's remorse, remembering how he bought an Axe-Fx II XL+ only for the Axe-Fx III to show up approximately a month later and destroy the value of his purchase.

The internet then produces another modern nightmare: a creepy Cat in the Hat social-media trend involving disturbing imagery, nighttime appearances, AI-generated content, and, in some cases, references to schools and threatening language. Victor attempts to understand exactly what makes the trend so terrifying while simultaneously wondering if everyone has collectively forgotten what Halloween costumes look like. This leads to memories of the infamous creepy-clown phenomenon and the possibility that the whole thing is just some elaborate viral marketing campaign. Nobody really knows, but apparently if your child suddenly starts talking about the Cat in the Hat, you should at least investigate before he starts standing outside your house at 3 a.m. wearing a giant striped hat.

Then the show enters its Loser's Night Out Era, resurrecting a bizarre promotion from 1998 involving single guys, a barely functional jalopy, dollar movies, McDonald's, and Valentine's Day. Because the Eastern Idaho State Fair has left the station with an odd number of tickets, Victor and the crew decide that somebody needs to experience the ultimate humiliation: attending the fair alone. One lucky “loser” receives a ticket to the bull riding championships and another ticket to Flow Rider, meaning this individual can spend two nights at the fair wandering around alone, potentially finding a new friend or simply becoming one with the fairground asphalt. Doug wins, and the studio celebrates him while simultaneously reminding him that, technically, he is a loser.

Victor's day then becomes even more surreal when he experiences what he believes is an ocular migraine, describing shimmering disturbances in his vision. A caller named Jeff phones in with a terrifying story about his wife experiencing a similar episode while driving on an I-15 off-ramp, suddenly announcing that she couldn't see and forcing him to take control from the passenger seat. Victor briefly considers whether his brain is exploding, then decides he will probably survive and immediately contemplates drinking more coffee. Because apparently the solution to a neurological visual disturbance is to throw additional coffee into the bloodstream and see what happens.

The poop chronicles arrive next. In Tulsa, police reportedly arrested a man accused of repeatedly defecating outside businesses and exposing himself. Meanwhile, Victor discusses reports of people behaving similarly inside driverless Waymo vehicles, leaving the employees who clean the autonomous cars to deal with the consequences. The future has arrived, and apparently the future smells terrible. Humanity invented self-driving taxis and immediately decided to turn them into mobile bathrooms.

The show then takes a brief journey into the future, asking what is highly likely to happen within the next decade that almost nobody is preparing for. AI-generated fake au...