071 How to Talk to Children About Chronic Illness, with Sara Olsher

Trigger Warning: This episode includes conversations about cancer, chronic and terminal illness, death, anticipatory grief, and talking with children about a loved one’s health.

Children notice the canceled plans, appointments, changes in energy, and uncertainty that enter family life when someone they love is ill. When adults do not explain what is happening, children often create explanations of their own.

In this episode, April talks with author, illustrator, cancer survivor, and Mighty + Bright founder Sara Olsher about how to speak honestly with children about chronic and terminal illness. Sara shares what her own daughter understood about her limited energy, why children need age appropriate explanations of what is happening in the body, and how visual tools can make unpredictable days feel more manageable.

They also talk about letting children be disappointed when illness changes the plans, separating a child’s feelings from blame, and reminding children that they are not responsible for protecting or emotionally caring for the adults in their lives. When there is no reassuring answer, honesty still matters. Sometimes the most trustworthy thing an adult can say is, “I don’t know, but I will keep talking with you about it.”

Sara is the coauthor, with child life specialist Jenny Rogers, of What Happens When Someone I Love Doesn’t Feel Good, a book designed to help families begin these difficult conversations with clarity and compassion.

Show notes How do we tell children the truth when an illness may not go away?

Children can sense when something has changed in their family. They notice an adult’s stress, limited energy, medical appointments, and plans that suddenly need to change. Without an explanation they can understand, they may decide the change is their fault or feel that the adults around them are hiding something too frightening to name.

Sara Olsher knows this both personally and professionally. After navigating cancer treatment as a single mother, she began creating books and visual tools to help children understand difficult experiences in their families. In this conversation, Sara explains why age appropriate honesty can feel safer than silence and why children often need to hear the same reassuring truths more than once.

April and Sara discuss practical ways to prepare children for unpredictable energy, including creating a Plan A and Plan B before a difficult day arrives. They also make room for a harder truth: children are allowed to feel angry, sad, or disappointed when illness changes their lives. Their feelings are not an accusation, and they should not be asked to protect an adult from them.

This episode does not offer a perfect answer for every uncertain outcome. It offers something more useful: a way to keep the conversation open, tell the truth without overwhelming a child, and remind them that the adults are still responsible for the adult feelings.

In this episode

• Why Sara and Jenny Rogers saw a gap in resources about chronic and terminal illness
• How Sara explained limited energy to her daughter
• Why science and age appropriate language can make illness less frightening
• How children may blame themselves for tension adults leave unexplained
• Why visual schedules and Plan A or Plan B options help with unpredictability
• How to let a child express disappointment without hearing it as blame
• Why children need to know they are not responsible for an adult’s emotions
• How to offer honest presence when you cannot promise recovery
• Why difficult conversations do not have to be perfect or completed all at once
• What teachers, relatives, and other trusted adults should understand

Resources mentioned

• Sara Olsher’s website: https://www.saraolsher.com/
• Mighty + Bright: https://mightyandbright.com/?srsltid=AfmBOooyuj7GyJZQpV_A8ewVcv33P5GIJWynw3SKz72mDXfEoT8_jnaG
• What Happens When Someone I Love Doesn’t Feel Good: https://www.saraolsher.com/collections/books-by-sara-olsher/products/book-what-happens-when-someone-i-love-doesnt-feel-good?variant=43100712927277
• Parent guides for download: https://www.saraolsher.com/collections/digital-downloads

About Sara Olsher

Sara Olsher is an author, illustrator, speaker, cancer survivor, and the founder of Mighty + Bright. Her books and visual tools help children understand difficult experiences in their families, including cancer, chronic illness, grief, and changing family circumstances. She coauthored What Happens When Someone I Love Doesn’t Feel Good with child life specialist Jenny Rogers.