#34: MBT 1 on 1 Therapy > Between Loyalty and Safety

🎙️ Special Episode – “Between Loyalty and Safety”

Welcome to this special episode of the MBT podcast.

In this episode, we once again step inside a one-on-one therapy session — a place where memories, emotions, and patterns come together in ways that often only become visible when we are willing to truly pause and look.

What unfolds in this session will feel familiar to many people.

Sometimes something happens in the present that unexpectedly opens a door to the past.

A feeling.

A reaction.

A tension that seems much bigger than the moment itself.

And suddenly, something old is touched.

Today, we listen to a conversation in which it becomes clear how experiences from childhood can continue to influence relationships, safety, and the way we connect with other people.

And perhaps more importantly:

What happens when, for the first time, you return to that moment — not as the child who had to endure it, but as the adult who can now stand beside that child?

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🧠 What is central in this episode

When the past finds its way back

Sometimes we believe something is behind us.

Until a situation in the present suddenly brings back the same emotions.

In this session, a connection emerges between an experience in the therapy group and a childhood memory.

A memory filled with tension, powerlessness, and a deep sense of unsafety.

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Loyalty as a survival strategy

A central theme in this episode is loyalty.

The loyalty of a child toward parents.

The loyalty toward brothers and sisters.

But also the kind of loyalty that causes you to put yourself aside in order to preserve connection with others.

When does loyalty become something beautiful?

And when does it begin to cost more than it gives?

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The need for safety

Beneath many behaviors lies a deep need for safety.

Safety to be yourself.

Safety to feel what you feel.

Safety to stop being constantly alert to what might happen next.

This session explores how important that safety once was — and how strongly its absence can continue to shape a person’s life.

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The child and the adult

What happens when, as an adult, you look back at a moment when you had no control?

When you meet the younger version of yourself at a time when fear, helplessness, and loneliness were overwhelming?

This session explores what it is like not only to revisit that memory, but also to bring something new into it.

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Allowing emotions to exist

As the conversation unfolds, more space begins to emerge for emotions that have been kept at a distance for a very long time.

Not by pushing them away.

Not by analyzing them.

But by simply allowing them to be there.

And that turns out to be more difficult — and more meaningful — than it first appears.

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What did I actually need?

Perhaps the most important question in this session is:

What did I need back then?

Not what happened.

Not who was right or wrong.

But what was missing.

What a child needed in order to feel safe, seen, and protected.

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🌟 The common thread

The common thread in this episode is the search for safety.

Not only safety in the outside world.

But safety within yourself.

The safety to feel.

The safety to be vulnerable.

And the safety to acknowledge that some experiences continue to shape who you are today.

Mentalizing helps with that process.

Not by moving away from difficult feelings.

But by staying curious about where they come from.

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💬 Closing

This episode shows that old memories do not disappear simply because time passes.

Sometimes they remain present in places we do not expect.

But when we can approach those memories with curiosity and compassion, something begins to shift.

Not because the past changes.

But because our relationship to it can change.

And sometimes healing begins with one simple message:

“You were alone back then… but you are not alone anymore.”