264. Things We Wish We Had Done Differently as Parents

Hey, Family Brand community! This week, we're talking about something that feels a little confronting for us as parents—one of those areas where, looking back, we can honestly say, we wish we had done some things differently.

As our kids get older and closer to leaving home, we've started having those moments where we wonder, Did we teach them this? Did we prepare them for that? Are there life skills we assumed they would just pick up along the way? One of the biggest ones we've been thinking about lately is reliability. Being on time. Following through. Doing what you say you're going to do. Becoming the kind of person other people—and you yourself—can count on.

And here's the part that's hard to admit: reliability is one of those things that's caught much more than it's taught. We can tell our kids all day long that they need to be on time for school or follow through on their commitments, but if they've spent years watching us be late, change plans, or not consistently be our word, they've learned something from that too. Over the last 20 years of raising kids, our own relationship with things like punctuality, dependability, and following through has changed dramatically—and now we're seeing some of the ripple effects of what we modeled earlier on.
So instead of just lecturing our kids about being more responsible, we've been experimenting with something different: natural consequences and clear agreements. For example, some of our kids have access to cars and phones that we help provide. Rather than constantly reminding, nagging, or getting frustrated in the mornings, we've created agreements around things like being at breakfast and leaving the house on time. Their car and phone aren't simply something they automatically get—they "rent" them with their reliability. If they keep the agreement, great. If they don't, there is a clear consequence that everyone already understands.

What we've loved about this approach is that it takes a lot of the emotion out of parenting. Instead of hovering over a teenager saying, "It's 7:14! Hurry up!" the agreement gets to do the work. Of course, there's another uncomfortable lesson in that for us too: if we're asking our kids to be their word, we have to be ours. When a consequence is inconvenient for us or we feel bad enforcing it, we still have to follow through. Otherwise, we're undermining the exact principle we're trying to teach.

This isn't really an episode about punctuality. It's about identity. We want our kids to leave home believing, I'm reliable. I'm dependable. I do what I say I'm going to do. Because we've seen over and over—in relationships, work, leadership, and life—that reliability can become one of the greatest differentiators a person has. Talent matters. Ability matters. But if people can't count on you, eventually it costs you.

Hit play to hear the full conversation! We're sharing where we think we fell short, what we're trying now, and why becoming more reliable isn't just about getting somewhere on time—it's about creating a life that works.

P.S. We're here to help you build your own Family Brand, one episode at a time. So go ahead, hit play, and let's grow together! Or, if you're ready to dive even deeper into our community, follow the links below.

LINKS:

All Links: Family Brand!

• stan.store/familybrand
• familybrand.com/quiz
• familybrand.com/retreats.

Episode Minute By Minute:

• 00:00 The Parenting Gap We're Trying to Fix
• 01:00 Why Reliability Matters So Much
• 02:00 Are We Running Out of Time to Teach Our Kids?
• 03:00 Kids Learn More From What We Model
• 04:00 Reliability Is Bigger Than Being On Time
• 05:00 The Consequences of Being Chronically Late
• 06:00 What We Wish We Had Modeled Differently
• 07:00 When Parents Send Mixed Messages
• 08:00 Teaching Reliability Without Constant Nagging
• 09:00 Using Natural Consequences
• 10:00 "Renting" the Car and Phone With Reliability
• 11:00 Teaching Kids to Manage Their Time
• 12:00 What Leadership Has to Do With Being On Time
• 13:00 Reliability Is a Skill You Can Build
• 14:00 Natural Consequences for Younger Kids
• 15:00 Letting the Agreement Do the Heavy Lifting
• 16:00 Why Parents Have to Follow Through Too
• 17:00 Reliable Kids Become Reliable Adults
• 18:00 What Unreliability Costs You in Life and Work
• 19:00 Creating a Life That Actually Works