113: From Bootstraps to Brilliance: How Women Grow Through Divorce with Colette Bane

In the fourth instalment of Heather's series on conscious intentional divorce, she's joined again by family solicitor Colette Bane to explore two very different - and equally valid - ways clients move through separation: the pragmatic, who want the process handled quickly and efficiently, and the released, who use the ending of a marriage as the beginning of something entirely new.

Colette speaks candidly about the risks of moving too fast without ever processing the emotional side, and why unaddressed feelings so often resurface later, sometimes as PTSD, sometimes as friction in future co-parenting. The conversation then turns hopeful, as Heather and Colette discuss the phenomenon of post-traumatic growth - the women who come out the other side of divorce and, in Colette's words, "go out there and absolutely boss it."

From launching businesses to rediscovering who they really are outside a marriage that no longer fit, both women share real examples of transformation, including Heather's own story of building a therapy-rooms business in Swindon after her own divorce.

Key Takeaways

• Pragmatic clients need to be brought back to their emotions, not rushed past them. Wanting divorce "done and dusted" is understandable, but skipping the emotional processing can lead to worse settlements and unresolved feelings resurfacing later, sometimes as PTSD.
• Post-traumatic growth is real - and common. Many people only discover who they truly are once they step outside a marriage or role that no longer fit them.
• How you handle the process shapes your future relationship with your ex. Rushing through practicalities while your ex is still processing emotionally can leave lasting resentment, which makes co-parenting or staying civil far harder.
• "The best revenge is to go out and boss it" - not as a way to get back at an ex, but as an empowered reclaiming of identity and confidence after divorce.
• Community and connection accelerate healing. Both Heather and Colette point to networks like the Athena Network as spaces where women thriving pre- or post-divorce support one another's growth.

About Colette Bane

Colette Bane is a Family Solicitor at Knights, known within her professional community for her quiet composure, thoughtful presence, and deep commitment to supporting people through relationship breakdown with compassion as well as legal expertise. Colette is known for combining sharp professional insight with genuine warmth, helping her clients feel supported not just legally, but personally, through one of life's most difficult transitions.

About Your Host

Heather Garbutt is a psychotherapist, love coach and accredited Calling In The One practitioner with over twenty years of experience working with women on love, relationships and the interior work that makes lasting change possible.
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